Picnic!

Ok, so today we had a potluck picnic at Fleetwood Park! We meaning JCRU. Yup. Saw Kathryn at 8.30 mass today. Told her my news, and apparently she knew because Kevin saw my posts on Cabralda's wall, and told Kathryn. Haha. Yup. Then saw Regina, Tintin, Emily, Catheren, and Alex at the potluck. Told them too. Sadly, Kathryn, Catheren, and Tintin all won't be teaching PREP this year. I'll be teaching till the lesson after my birthday. By then, I'll have to stop. Yup.

Potluck today was really fun, except for the fact that I couldn't play Twister because I can't put pressure on my toe still. (I'll tell more later.) Wanted to play this game where we are supposed to walk around, and someone's a killer who winks at you, and then you die. Did it in Drama class in Sec 1. But I didn't want my toe stepped on, so I ended up not playing. Mostly say around with Cat the whole time. She's another cripple, along with me. Haha. She dislocated her knee and hyperextended her muscle, and tore her ACL and stuff like that. Went for surgery not long ago, and she's on crutches now...again. She tends to either hurt her ankle or her knee a lot. Yup. That was about all.

Oh, about the toe. Yesterday, I was lying stomach down on Tim's mattress in front of the TV. Then as I wanted to get up, my toenail somehow got stuck in the carpet. -.- Weird part was that my nails aren't even long. Weirder part is that my slippers were on, and my toe couldn't exactly reach the carpet, but it happened. HAHA. Anyway, my nail broke, and it started to bleed. Then I wanted to wash it under water, but apparently, IT HURTS LIKE I NEVER IMAGINED IT WOULD!!! Yup. So I barely got a few drops of water AROUND my toe, and I immediately took it out of the water. Haha. Yup. Best part was that as I was walking after the bleeding stopped, I FREAKING STUBBED IT AGAINST THE CORNER OF THE COFFEE TABLE!!! Of all times to stub it -.- So yeah, couldn't exactly wear any shoes today. I never even thought that putting on my jeans would hurt! Just because it rubbed over my toe A LITTLE, it hurt so bad! =( And I guess Mom didn't think I needed gause (sp?) to cover it yesterday WHEN IT WAS EVEN WORSE! And this morning DURING mass, she said:" I think you should cover it up with gause." !&%*$ She tells me this after I struggle getting my track pants off and putting my jeans on??? So nice. And I struggled sleeping too, because I'm sleeping in my fleece blanket, and it keeps rubbing against my toe, because I like to roll myself up in that. OUCH! Yeah. That's the story of my toe. AND it happens to be the big toe, which I learnt today, is the most important toe, because it's the one that keeps you balanced, and makes walking SO much easier.

Snapped...

Well, my plan failed today. It's just too hard to let his small comments pass. It all adds up, and what's worse is that he's complaining that I'm doing something that ANYONE is possible to do. EVEN HIM! So what, I watch TV with my glasses, happen to fall asleep, and I get scolded? Is it my fault that I fall asleep? Why scold me, when you do it too? And why are you blaming me that I'm not studying when I'm actually STILL having summer holidays, even if I was supposed to go back to school? You made me go through half of maths by now, and I've only been home for one week. Are you just trying to make me hate studying? Or just you? Because you're making me do both. I've said that I can't study when someone forces me to, and you know that. So why are you doing it? The worst is that I don't snap at you, I snap at Tim and Mom, when they didn't even do anything to me at all! I realised that if you never came, life would be so much more peaceful in the house. Do you realise that EVERYTIME you fight, is always about the same thing? It NEVER ever changes, and it's really just pissing me off. It's pissing mom off too, and the worst part is that it's not you that suffers after, IT'S ME because then the whole house will be in a bad mood, and once I do some small mistake, your anger gets taken out on ME. Why? All because you listen to your sisters, and not your wife. So much for trust in a relationship. Forget it. I'm just gonna sleep all the anger that's building up in me off. I don't wanna waste my summer thinking about all these things when I could very well be enjoying my book, and just leaving the house and walking around, which I can do at anytime for all I care. You can oppose, but it's not like you can lock me out of the house either.

DINNER!

Eh! Yesterdays dinner was super duper nice! Haha. Ok, maybe not the coleslaw, but the burger was just WONDERFUL! EXCELLENT! DELICIOUS! Heehee. Guess who made it? TIM! =D Haha. Mom and I agreed that he's the chef of the house. Haha xD. He cooks super well man! Ok, the coleslaw wasn't made by him, it was by me =( So it didn't turn out. My cooking the on Wednesday and yesterday all didn't turn out! The mac & cheese, potato salad, and coleslaw. All not nice one! Anyway, nothing else to say. Haha. Yup, that was all I wanted to talk about. How Tim is a super great cook! =)
------------------------------------------------
NOVEMBER! =D

Heehee

=D I've been taking Tim's advice. You don't wanna listen? One ear in one ear out. It seems like you are, but in actual fact you're not! =D Worked for the past couple of days!

Anyway, went to withdraw from HC, returned Mr Cabralda his trombone, talked to Mrs Stone about not being able to help with CCD anymore. Didn't see Cabralda though, so returned it to Kazun. Then we walked to Joe's, bought veggies and fruits, went to Save-Ons, bought macaroni and meats and milk. I cooked lunch for the 3 of us yesterday! Haha. Wasn't a success though. Mac & Cheese that didn't taste nice. Potato salad that was so-so, but mom said wasn't too bad. Tim said that we didn't have recipe for mac & cheese, that's why it didn't turn out great. Haha. But ya, I know I can't exactly cook very well without recipes. I want to be like mom and Tim! The cook so well, but they have no idea what recipe they're using. They just come up with something on the spot. Haha.

Ok, wanna continue reading. Oh! My sister's keeper is a great book! And so is a walk to remember! Much nicer than the movie I have to say. =D
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NOVEMBER!

Wonderful Realisation.

All this time, I only thought my sister cared most for me. But I just realised that all of them care for me in different ways. Val's there for me to talk to when I need, Gab's there to keep me entertained, and he motivates, a.k.a. makes, me exercise, and Tim cooks for me, and he helps me understand why Dad is so, controlling, to put it nicely. So much for them not caring. I think it's more of a 'I don't care much for them' rather than a 'they don't care for me much'. I should start doing more for them.

Oh, did I mention how I favour Val and how long it took me to realise it? Ok, just if I didn't, I realised it when I was making her present for her 21st, and Gab was asking why I never made them any presents. Then I started thinking, and I realised that I've been making birthday cards and presents for Val since '07, if I'm not wrong, but not once have I made a card for Tim or Gab! Ok, maybe because I never spent Tim's birthday with him for the past 5 or 6 years, because of army and uni. Wow, that is long. Ok, anyway, ya. But I've spent Gab's birthday with him all the time! And I never bothered to get him a present in my life! So yeah, that's when I realised that I tend to favour Val over my brothers. Sad, but true. =( I should do something for them. Especially Tim's birthday this year! The first birthday I'll be celebrating with him after 6 years! Too long. And I don't know if I'll be celebrating with him next year either! He's way too independant. Living in a totally foreign place on his own for 4 years. But I'm glad to have him home. NICE FOOD! =D

Ok, I should probably get to clearing my stuff again.
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NOVEMBER!!! =D Can't wait for Christmas! And it's not for the presents. It's for the fun. =D

Messed up

What is wrong with you guys? Just because I'm gone for TWO months, all my stuff have been moved! I've already said DON'T EVER TOUCH MY FREAKING STUFF!!!!! You could have AT LEAST ASKED ME where I want my stuff! Freaks! Now I can't find my stuff! And I know you're gonna blame me for not freaking keeping my stuff nicely. I know you. You always say it's my fault. My life's just messed up. I'm just glad I only have to survive 2 more months here. And stop freaking asking me if I'm sure! STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE IF YOU CLAIM THERE IS NO WRONG CHOICE! What's wrong with WANTING a challenge? Isn't that what YOU FREAKING WANT ME TO HAVE? Stop messing with me! Asshole. No, actually, it's not just you. IT'S EVERYONE! It's my life. Let me do what I want. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME STAY WHERE I DON'T LIKE! And why did you tell them that I love it here? I NEVER SAID THAT IN MY LIFE! Never will I prefer it here to home. I've said that I liked both places equally, BUT I HAVE NEVER EVER IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SAID THAT I LOVE HERE ANY MORE THAN HOME AT ALL! You know what, forget it. I can't be bothered about it anymore. Don't blame me if I ignore you when you ask me that question again. I can't be bothered to answer to that anymore.

ARGH!!! IDIOT!!!!

Guess who just HAD to ruin my SUNDAY with effing MATHS AND SCIENCE LESSONS!!!! Stupid idiot who just want to kill me! You can't just let me RELAX can you? EVEN WITH A FREAKING HEADACHE! Such and ass. I'm glad I'm not living with you after November. Why won't you just let me rest and get better? Do you not realise that I have not even been listening the whole time? I really don't care anymore. I'm not gonna do the work. Apparently you never understood me when I said that I hate people to ask me to study, ESPECIALLY YOU! I don't really care if you ask me to study actually. I care that you FORCE me to study. EVEN WHEN I FREAKING KNOW EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I'm not slow! I understand what you teach AFTER THE FIRST FREAKING TIME! If I don't, I ask. STOP REPEATING EVERYTHING! I CAN'T STAND IT AT ALL!!! You can't seem to grasp the concept of relaxation can you? STOP BEING SO FREAKING KIASU! It's not like you don't already know my learning speed. If I learn fast, why you so effing worried? Forget it. I don't care anymore.

It's not working!

Darn! I can't really keep a secret to myself. At least it's my secret, not someone else's. List of those who now know:
Amanda
Ryan
Lester
Ashton
Zenia
Family
Val's multitude of friends

This list is getting too long!!! Oh well. Lessons from Dad started yesterday. He's not freaking giving me a rest ON A SUNDAY!!! *idiot* Ok, I need to shower, because we're going out. BYE! =D
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NOVEMBER!!!

Back

Hey! I'm back in Canada! Guess what. Lester is a bum. He never come online before I left! Anyway, flight wasn't very nice =( Quite a bit of turbulance, and not comfortable one! I sleep until stiff neck. And the food sucks. Japan Airlines, but not Jap food. Sian la. Just had lunch not long ago, started unpacking a bit. Then I realised that I forgot to bring back something for dad, and now he's angry at me -.- Not even 1 hour after I stepped into the house and I made him angry. Sian la. I miss Ash, Vern, Amanda, Les, Val, Gab, Cel, Van, and everyone else there already! I miss session...Ok, we're going out to buy groceries, so I'm gonna go off. Bye!
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Nov better come fast! Can't wait! =D

Last day!

Ok, so today, I initially intended not to do anything and stay home. Then Ash asked me if I had the teenage mag from last month. Apparently, he wanted to read all the k-pop stuff. I ended up just giving him the mag. Couldn't be bothered to want it back. Nothing that intresting in that issue anyway. Haha. So ya, went down to church to pass it to him, then met Vern. Went into Lester's office, and slacked there for about 45mins? Ya. Then I went to J8 to buy stuff from NTUC for Gab, and bought sweets from minitoons for the plane ride later. Haha. Yup. That was my day.

OH! I came over to Pasir Ris after dinner, and I finally met up with Ms Helimmi! After so long! On the night before I leave. Haha. Just in time. Ya. Met her at Whitesands, the Mac's there. Her kids are super cute! Her daughter loves MJ songs, and she was in the car with her brother listening to them and dancing along, while I was talking to Ms Helimmi outside. Haha. Her dance super cute! Oh, and her son can sing pretty well for a 2 year old. Or is he 3? around that age. But they're pretty playful too.

Just got off the phone with Ash not long ago, was telling him about how his dislike for Ryan and Ryan's dislike for him was affecting Amanda a lot. Yeah, then I explained to him quite a bit on how it affected her la. And we both didn't know what to do about it though, because I wasn't supposed to tell him, so he's not supposed to know, and I know Amanda won't wanna ask what's wrong with the two of them. Like I told Ash, I really don't think their relationship is gonna last, but I don't know how to tell her. And I found out some quite intresting stuff from Ash while talking to him. Yeah, but it's not my problem, and yet it somehow is.

I'm waiting for Lester to come online! Because I'm not gonna sleep today. Haha. I have 4 hours to kill. Take 1 off for shower and last minute check, still have 3. Sian. Lester! Come online! Je veux parler en francais avec toi! I think I'm gonna read a walk to remember now. Or maybe I'll shower first. Hmm...I think I'll shower first.

TODAY!!!

I went to school to say bye! :( And then went to meet Lester for lunch, and studied at Mac's while waiting for him to come. Haha. Can you believe that I've been studying WHILE ON HOLIDAY?! Haha. And Sharm and Ash think I'm crazy to do that. Even when AY asked if I wanted to study with them, I said yes, although I knew she was only kidding. Haha. I even bought an 'A' Maths assesment book. -.-

Then we ate lunch at the kopitiam near Courts and Eng Wah cinema there in TPC, and then after that I didn't know where to go, so I followed him to his office. Haha. Studied there while waiting for AY to come down with Ash. Went up to St Francis when they came. Verns came at 4.20, around there. Then she took 30mins to do TWO congruency questions because she kept procrastinating. Then we went to food point because we were hungry. The teh ping super nice and sweet! Haha. And I had cheese prata. Not bad, but not great either. I think Verns got irritated with Ash during tea break/dinner. Then when we went back, I never got back to studying, because we ended up in Lester's office talking. Haha. Then said bye to Les because he was going to Novena, and he wouldn't be back in church till around 7+, and I would have left by then.

Went back up, stoned with Ash while AY did her homework. Then ended up going to J8 with Ash because I had to buy cake, and he had to buy A pen that wasn't even in stock. HAHA. He got pissed off while I started laughing. He went to J8 just for ONE pen, only to find out that it wasn't in stock -.- Then he followed me to Prima Deli to buy the cake, and then we went to NTUC because he had to buy bread, then we went our seperate ways to go home.

Now I'm back, and waiting for Gab to come back to cut cake. If he's not back by 9, we're just gonna cut the cake without him. HAHA.

TWO DAYS and I'll be gone...but I can't wait for November!!! =D Ok, I shall go off, because I'm bored. BYE!

Lalala...

THE PARTY ON SATURDAY WAS SUPER DUPER UBER FUN! So much for Joachim planning everything. He was freaking sick and didn't even tell me! Then I only found that out from Ethelbert at 6.15pm when I was supposed to meet the group at 6pm -.- The first one to come was Darren, at 6.35pm. Last was SHAWN! Came at 7pm. Made me wait for an hour -.- HAHA. Ok, enough about the party. Don't feel like elaborating on that anymore. Haha.

Ok, the main point of my post, MY SUPER RANDOM FRENCH CONVO WITH LES! Haha. Last night, ok actually this morning, I was talking to Lester, and we suddenly started speaking in French. HAHA.

Les:
parle français?

Me:
oui, je parle français.

Les:
très bien...mon anglais est melleur

Me:
it's meilleur
AHAHA

Les:
oui, pardon

Me:
je suis enuyeuse
*ennuyée

Les:
quoi?????

Me:
i am bored
HAHA

Les:
ennuyeuse = tedious
"i am tedious."

Me:
ennuyeuse=boring

Les:
u sure are, haha!

Me:
wtv la

Les:
hahaha

Me:
ok, we're both right
haha

Les:
c'est magnifique

Me:
pourquoi?

Les:
pour moi.. haha
je sais, je bon! :D

Me:
je ne veux pas dormir...
haha

Les:
non comprends.. i do not what?

Me:
i don't want to sleep
haha
je ne suis pas fatiguee

Les:
je.. mensonge? haha

Me:
you lie? huh?
ton français est mauvais
HAHA =)

Les:
ok what's that? haha

Me:
haha. your french is bad.

Les:
moi français est pas mal :D

Me:
je ne pense pas que ton français est pas mal. ton français est très mal =)
Les:
ok i have idea what ure saying

Me:
haha

Les:
i know the last part
ur french is very bad
but it's not true
*some face with the >.< eyes and tongue sticking out*

Me:
HAHA ya! i said, i don't think your french is not bad.
=)
it's not moi français! it's mon français!

Les:
sacré bleu..
merde!

Me:
why merde? why not zut?

Les:
what is zut???

Me:
damn
HAHA

Les:
ok.. merde more common

Me:
really? haha. zut is more common in my school
haha
and why sacred blue?

Les:
"merde" est plus commun en Français.. :D
sacré bleu est us expression..
:D
non
est plus commun en France
sacré bleu est un expression Français

Me:
je comprend

Les:
très bien

Me:
je suis ennuyée
quand tu as étudié le français?
tu comprends?

Les:
oui
des films :D

Me:
ah, c'est bon

Les:
that's a song

Me:
oh, c'est mal?

HAHA
Les:
non.. c'est er.. beau?

Me:
mais ce n'est pas beau.
HAHA

Les:
ok i don't understand

Me:
but it isn't beautiful
HAHA

Les:
why not?

Me:
because i don't think so
HAHA =)

Les:
merde!

Me:
pourquoi nous parlons en français?

Les:
what is nous parlons?

Me:
we speak
HAHA

Les:
ah, oui!

Me:
ton français est TRÈS mal. HAHAHA

Les:
tais toi!
vous êtes un imbecile :D
j'aime parler français avec vous too! hahahah

Me:
...c'est avec toi. HAHA es je ne suis pas un imbecile. tu es stupid. HAHA. mais je t'aime! =)
i meant stupide
haha

Les:
i dunno what to say alr.. my vocab limited leh.. i'm surprised i lasted so long.. ahah

Me:
AHAHA i'm surprised i lasted so long either!
my vocab is limited too x3

Les:
uually i only know merde, tais toi, sacré bleu, imbecile, bonjour.. comment ça va... haha

Me:
HAHA ok, that is limited...

Les:
french film usually only use these what.. haha!

Me:
how did we even start this french convo?

Les:
mort

Me:
je ne suis pas mort

Les:
haha no i meant i know that word too

Me:
LOL i know. i just had the urge to use it. HAHA

Les:
...

Me:
but how did we start all this french convo stuff? HAHA

Les:
je ne sais pas

Me:
tu aimes parler en français?

Les:
oui, très amusant! haha

Me:
je suis d'accord! =)

Les:
ok i had to figure that one out.. but i understand.. haha.. u watch french film?

Me:
nope

Les:
u should!

Me:
amélie? or something like that

Les:
les fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain :D

Me:
haha it's in the house somewhere...

Les:
that's quite lovely.. but there are others... this Canadian film.. Magique! i watched with sam lee

Me:
haha c'est bon?
veux-tu manger le dîner avec moi aujourd'hui?

Les:
hmmm.. how to say cannot?
haha

Me:
tu est horrible
haha

Les:
eh got such word meh? u anyhow

Me:
really got

Les:
...
what's the french equivalent of ridiculous? haha

Me:
ridicule
c'est ridicule?

Les:
TRÈS ridicule.. haha

Me:
HAHA je suis d'accord

Les:
vous êtes poo poo.. hahah

Me:
wth is poo poo? HAHA

Les:
hahaha
what u find on Parisien sidewalks.. ahaha

Me:
...don't you find that anywhere?

Les:
especially on Parisian sidewalks :D

Me:
HAHA ok...

-END-

HAHA ya...talked in french for more than an hour lor. AMAZING! It was super funny la. Ok, I should probably write the cards, and go shower. BYE!

P.S. Van thought that I liked Lester...more than a friend -.-

Sleepy...

I'm sorry to dissappoint the HC Gr 10 and SC Band, but it's for my happiness. Oops :X I'm sorry, but your only bari horn has to leave you guys. I'm probably going to school to tell you guys this to hate me, but at least I'm telling you, and not mysteriously dissappearing! Heehee.

Ok, yesterday, I slept at 5am, but by 8.30am, I woke up, because Aunty Florance called me! So early in the morning! Then after talking to her, I couldn't sleep anymore! So I had 3.5hrs of sleep in total -.- Then I intended on sleeping after lunch, like a pig, haha, but I ended up going out to Jalan Berseh for fish soup lunch with Godma, Aunty Doreen, Ashley, Auntie, and Uncle. Damn nice la, I swear. Then ended up getting home around 2+, and I was meeting Verns at 4, so I didn't have time for a nap.

So I met her, went to Borders, went to Marks & Spencers, then walked around ION for a very short while, and decided to go Lor 8 because we wanted O Lua, but when we finally got there, we were suddenly not hungry at all, so we decided not to eat in the end. Haha. And by then it was about time to head over to church. Then we had a short session by Jos about Assumption. Then we all went for mass together, and then we had rosary after session.

After session, there was no supper! Man, I can't believe that I won't be going for session anymore! At least, not until I come back. Ya, then went to eat fried rice with Amanda, Ryan, and Verns. Lester joined Verns and me after, and then we went to the prata house near our place. Then we walked Verns back, and the Les walked me back. He's so nice! He bought me drinks again last night!

Ok, so I got home earlier than usual la, around 11+pm? Usually get home past 12mn after session...heehee. Then started writing my cards to friends, and I only slept at 4.30am. Haha. And I only completed 2 cards! Wow.

Then this morning, had to get up at 6.30 to go to market, so I only slept for about 2.5hrs because I ended up getting up at 7. =D So ya, over 2 days, I've only had 6hrs of sleep, the minimun required for each night! Haha. I should really get some sleep, or I won't enjoy tonight! Ok, I really need to go back to sleep! Can't tahan already. Nights! or Morning! Which ever you prefer la. Bye!

Wow...

I'VE BEEN SO HAPPY FOR THE WHOLE OF TODAY!!! Amanda knows why =D

Ok, anyway, the main point of my post now is that I think everyone who thinks life is nothing without TV and internet and all the electronics should watch the 8pm show on Channel U. Meaning now. Haha. It's about celebs from Singapore going on volunteer missions to the less fortunate and wealthy places. Seeing how they live remind me of the GK trip that HC does. Man, I think I really need to cherish what I have now. But seeing them so happy with nothing but family, I start thinking that I should get off the computer and watch less TV, spend more time with family and friends. Hmm...I think I shall. I'll start by reducing my computer time. Remember to watch the show!

If I'm not careful...

...I'm gonna get myself into a lot of trouble.

I can't believe that less than 24hrs ago, I was just crying so much and I didn't really know why. Now, I'm just so happy! But I really shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me. So I talked to mom, and she seems fine with it! She says that dad wouldn't mind either, considering how he's always talking about it! I just hope that I won't be happy and all, and then he'll come and say no, then I'll be really crushed. I hope all goes according to plan! But I'll be letting the band down though. =/ I'm sorry, but it's for the good of my education...and my happiness.

Les, see! Writing an email wasn't the wrong choice!!! Heehee.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD!!!

This is crap.

I feel like shit. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who to talk to. Les is busy, I don't wanna disturb him. Everyone else has no clue of what's happening, and I really don't wanna explain it again. I feel like crying. I can't even find the words to describe what I'm feeling. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. I don't understand why I even cried last night. Do I really hate Canada that much? I can't comprehend why I cried. I don't know at all. I have no explanation. This is total crap. I don't even want to leave anymore. I can't seem to be able to bring myself to pack my things and leave next Friday. Lord, please help me. I don't seem to be able to do this on my own.

Damn it!

I feel so stupid! I feel like and idiot! Argh! I can't believe that I was stupid enough to email them about such important stuff. Damn. Why does Les always have to be right? But I still love him. I really need to thank him for talking to me at 4am. He's a great guy. I'm gonna miss him so much.
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9 days, but I don't know if I can make it. I want to run away, away from all these problems.

After 2 years...

...I've finally made up my mind. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here. I don't care if I'm going to be 3 years behind my friends. I just want to stay here. I'm willing to give up my chance of Montreal band trip, for my life back here. Even if it means having to go through art, I don't care. All I can say is that I don't want to go back anymore. Sure, there's a small part of me that says go back, but if I really wanted to go back, I wouldn't be crying so much right now. But I don't know how to tell them! Can I not go back? I really don't want to leave. Lord, please help me.

I can't believe...

...I have less than 2 weeks left here! Damn la. You know, if I had one wish, I wish that all my problems would be solved. If I had 3 wishes, my other two would be that I would be able to merge both my worlds together, and the last would be that I could have my whole family with my now. I just feel like crying. I have 10 days left. I'm just glad that our problem has been solved. I hope we won't let each other down again.
-----------------------------------
I think I like you...but I'm leaving.

I got my hopes up, and I hope they won't fall again.

Ok, so I was actually just reading Val's blog, and I realised that yesterday was the first time I went for mass alone with her in my entire life! She's really starting to become a great big sis! I've loving her more and more!!! =D

So today, I talked to her, and it went better than I talked. It was a little hard to trust her, but then she swore that she would be honest about every single thing we talked about. I'm really glad about that. I hope she was honest, but there was one thing I forgot to ask. I guess I'll have to ask her tomorrow, but it seems much easier to ask her stuff now. =) I'm glad I talked to her.

Then, we net Ashton and went for lunch at some jap place near the Cathay. Ryan met us there later. Then we had 3 hours before our 5.30pm 'Up' movie. We ended up going to B&J's and shared a 3-scoop ice cream. Then went up to the entrance around 4.30? Around there. Stoned for quite a while. Finally went in at 5.30pm. Great movie, I swear. Then after the movie, we went to the kopitiam at PS for dinner. Amanda and I shared this Thai noodles thing. Didn't really like it though. Ya, then from there, we went back to Toa Payoh. Initially, I went because I didn't want to go home, so I thought of walking Amanda back with Ryan, but ended up Les asked me to meet him.

So, guess where I went with Les. To watch 'Up'! HAHA. It's such a great movie that within 2.5hrs of the movie ending, I went to watch it again! Heehee. Went for the 9.30pm show at Eng Wah at TPC. Haha. Then, the show ended at around 11.05pm. Took 155 from interchange home.

Was supposed to buy bread, but by the time I got to 7-11, there was no more bread. -.- Ya. So I left the house at 11am, and I got back at 11.45pm. The longest day out that I recall. Haha. And best part was that when I came back, Val was home! She actually stayed home studying! Haha. Ok, I should go sleep, but first, must watch yu le bai fen bai. =D

SLEEPING!

Ok, I'm falling asleep! I slept at like, 3am this morning, and I got up at 8am. HAHA 5hrs of sleep isn't enough for me! So yesterday, I had TWO birthday cakes. One for Mama's 80th that was on Friday, and the other for Uncle Augustine's 55th on Tuesday.

So, in the morning, Gab and I went to Din Tai Fung to buy Xiao Long Bao for lunch. Godma bought other dim sum stuff from else where. Then had to collect cake from Prima Deli. Came home, ate lunch, then ya. Cut cake after that. Then got ready to go to Aunty Florance's house.

We were supposed to leave at 5.30, ended up leaving at 6.50. Haha. When we were walking from the station to the house, Vanessa called asking where we were, so we thought we were late. Haha. Then I started walking faster and faster, and it was freaking hot! Then when we went there, we ended up the first there -.- Aunty Linda's family had to take bus because Uncle Hilary couldn't get home in time to fetch them. Then after the catered dinner, we played guitar hero on the Wii. After we played guitar hero, cut cake. Damn super duper nice cake! Ya, then Cel, Val, M&M played Waving Rabbits. Damn funny to watch! Ya, then Gab was saying it was late, so we had to go.

This morning, went for 9.45 mass at Risen Christ. Went for the YC canteen after mass with Val. The food wasn't bad. Then I had to talk to Les. Quite an interesting talk. Then I didn't want to go home, because Yeye is in a VERY naggy mood today. Surprisingly, I ended up just going straight home, and not to J8. HAHA. Ya. Then when I came back, I was supposed to let Gab sleep in the afternoon. You know what happened? I ended up sleeping at 2pm until 5pm -.- So ya, in between writing this post, I fell fast asleep -.- I came home so early for nothing! Haha. Ok, now I'm bored.

Talking to her tomorrow! I don't know what to say...but then we're going out after that. I hope all goes well :S Ok, I'm going to watch 'Up' with them tomorrow. Anyway, I shall go off. Bye!

I ended up not bored...

HAHA ok, so ya. I ended up not bored today. I was supposed to watch 'Up' with Gab & friends, but there were no tickets left, so they went for a 4.20 show instead, but I had to meet Verns for dinner, so I decided against watching. I ended up going to More Than Words. Bought this small fan that can connect as a USB. Will be super useful in Canada! I don't have a fan there. Haha. Oh, and I bought this hp holder. The red-capped mushroom one.

I went home to put stuff down, and walked to Verns house and met her. Then, we went to ION and met Val and Seb at Dunkin' Doughnuts. Didn't really do much with them. Ended up leaving them after like, 10mins la. Then we went to TPC, because Verns wanted Pasta Mania, but she didn't know it closed down. We ended up eating at Fork & Spoon there. Then we bought milk tea from KOI Cafe. Damn nice la! And the pearls were super chewy and small. Then wanted Famous Amos at first, but as we were walking there, Verns suddenly didn't feel like having it. So ya. Then walked to church for session. Cam-whored a bit before session. Session was by Fel, talked about our doubts of our faith that we had. Played some weird game.

After session, went to Mac's as usual. Then went to Chomp Chomp with APY, Les, Shawn, Fiona, and Gilbert. Then we had to squeeze on the way home. Gilbert dropped us of in this order: Shawn, APY, Les, me, Fiona. Had a nice long car ride. Haha. Left Chomp Chomp at around 12.20, only got home at 1. I love Gilbert's car! But it's so big, that it took so long to parallel park, because the lot was quite small. Haha. Ya. Now I'm bored, because Les isn't talking to me -.-

BORED!

Ok, so yesterday, I went to Frolick with Verns BEFORE dinner. Haha. Cam-whored a little. Then we went over to Mac's at TPC, and we decided to meet Les for "dinner". Haha. Because Verns didn't know if he was still angry at her or something, so I said I was alone, and then he didn't even care when he saw Verns. He wasn't even angry anymore la. Ya, but then he had to go for meeting at 8pm, and he met us at 7.30pm -.-

So then after that, we were leaving church to go home, and on the way to the bus stop, I saw Ryan and Amanda walking towards church, but I don't think they saw me. Then I saw a rat, and I distracted Verns by saying 'Eh, got a rat over there.' Then she saw and started saying she wanted one. Then I said, 'Eh, I don't think you should do that la.' because she was like, squatting and looking at the rat, but I was thinking more of a we saw it, said something laughed, ignored them. Instead, they saw us, we said hi, Ryan hugged both of us, she did absolutely nothing. She didn't even talk. It was really weird la.

Ya, I shall not continue about that. So anyway, Verns came over and we cam-whored. Actually, she did. I just took a couple of photos with her. Haha. But then she had to go home, so I walked her home. Yeah. That was yesterday.

Oh, and last night, I watched this show on Channel U about celebrity volunteers from Taiwan and Singapore going to third-world countries to help them. I really think that everyone should watch that show. It really opened up my eyes. Like, ya, I was aware of all the poverty and stuff, but I didn't know the poverty was that bad. Ok, actually I did, but for some reason, it still really touched me. I wanna go over and help them. I actually want to go and help Gawad Kalinga. =/ I like how a lot of people go in hopes of bringing joy to the lives of the people there, but a lot of times, it's the people who live there that bring joy to the volunteers. Like they say, 'Come as a visitor, leave as a friend.'

Today, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO! Verns doesn't even know if she can have dinner with me. =( At least there's session tonight! I love session! Haha. Although I was late with Verns last week...for my sister's session!!!

P.S. Val, Verns is in love with Seb 's camera. HAHA.

Tired...

Ok, so Yeye was just complaining about discomfort and stuff, and his hands kept fidgiting! I was actually scared, and I really didn't know what to do at all. At least Gab knows, because it's happened before apparently, and he's now at the hospital with Godma and Gab.

Last night was one of those nights that I found even more reason to love my sister! I was telling her about my problems, and she very willingly listened to me just talk on and on? I'm so glad to have her! The best part was that when her friend called her, she said that she wasn't free to talk to them because she was busy! She actually gave up talking to her friend just to talk to me! LOVE YOU VAL! =D Thanks for being there for me. I think you're right. I really should talk to her =/

Thanks Gab for going to the hospital with him! You know, you're the best too, because everytime I don't want to go to the doctor's with Yeye because I already planned something, that could so easily be moved, you always agree to go, even though you already have to go so often when I'm not around. Sorry!

Ok, I think Les is trying to either ignoring my question, or anything related to Vern. Haha. Oops. Anyway, I need to talk to him! Argh! He totally ignored my smses last night la! Even though they didn't concern Vern at all.

Anyway, I'm going to watch SingDollars tonight with Cel and family. YAY! Haha. Oh, and I talked to mom over the phone for the first time since I came back. HAHA. All because of Yeye. And we ended up talking for at least 30mins. Could have been an hour. Shan't elaborate on that. Too lazy right now. Ok, I've got to go off, need to talk to Les already. BYE!
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If you're reading this, I really need to talk to you. I've made the decision of risking the friendship to speak my mind, and also to help you out. I hope it works out for the best, and not just works out like she said it would. =/

Lunch!

Ok, so I actually had lunch with Violet and Cass at Mac's @ TPC today. Haha. Finally met up with Violet a month after I reach! Like, wth right? Ya, and I was reminded about how idiotic they are. Super happy to meet with them, and I'm glad, because we had a lot a lot of fun today.

Ok, so I was just talking to Val, and we're having a lot of trouble on what we should do to help Lyn. We were trying to think of the ways to reduce how much she has to wake up at night, but we can't think of anything. This is going to make it even hearder for me to leave. Oh heck, I don't feel like talking about it anymore. Goodnight!

Spoilt brat.

OMG OMG OMG!!! You know, last night my cousin slept over with my Godma, and she kept tossing and turning so much that although I wasn't even on the bed with her, I was getting very annoyed! ARGH! Then, in the middle of the night, she was complaining it was hot, so I nicely turned the air-con on. Then comes the worst. She loudly declares that she can't sleep because she's hot, and she will never ever sleep over again. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea that she doesn't want to stay over anymore, but the way she was saying it, I took offence. Like, is there something wrong with our house? And if you don't like it, too bad, deal with it! HAH! But I'm glad she doesn't want to stay anymore! I hope she doesn't stay anymore. She's an annoying, irritating, spoilt, unreasonable brat! Thankfully, she's gone out! YAY!!!
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I'm still holding on to the small glimmer of hope that just re-entered my life. Please don't let me down again.

Gotta go my own way

I've realised that there's no other easier way for me to express my feelings if not for this song. I especially want to dedicate it to you.

Gotta Go My Own Way - HSM2

I gotta say what’s on my mind
Something about us doesn’t seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try
Somehow the plan is always rearranged
It’s so hard to say
But I gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don’t wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another colour turns to grey
And it’s just too hard
To watch it all slowly fade away
I’m leavin’ today
’Cause I gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

What about us?
What about everything we’ve been through?

What about trust?

You know I never wanted to hurt you

What about me?

What am I supposed to do…

I gotta leave but I’ll miss you

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

I've always wanted to say it, and it's slowly becoming easier. I want to leave it all behind, but it's hard. Obviously, I don't belong here anymore. I'm just a stranger to you right? Consedering how much lies you've told me. Thanks for helping me realise that everything is definitely not as great as it always seems. There is always bound to be a flaw, because nothing is perfect, only God is. I don't want to give up just as yet, but you're just making it harder for me to hold on, because I'm losing grip of this, and if you don't catch it in time, I'll be gone.