Sorry...

Sorry to my friends for the worry I caused you.
I'm perfectly fine.
I just needed somewhere to let my thoughts out.
I'm not worth worrying about.
Just forget all of my problems.
I just get them out of my system and then just not deal with them anymore.
So just forget my problems.
Deal with your own.
I don't mean to sound cold or rude.
I just don't want any unwanted pity and sympathy.
I just hate them.
I just want to be allowed to express myself without any of that coming in.
So just don't pity of sympathise with me.
The only way to help would be to just be your normal self.
Don't change the way you are at all.
I'll be happy with that because being yourself is the reason I'm your friend.
I don't like anyone who tries to be someone else.

...

i'm sick.
sick of the topic.
sick of the questions.
sick of the response.
SICK OF EVERYTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE HECK UP AND STOP ASKING ME THAT QUESTION?
I'M PREFECTLY FREAKING FINE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT EVERYONE'S BOUND TO DIE?
MAY I KNOW?

everyone tells me that we are all going to die. now when it really happens, who's the one freaking out and asking if i'm fine? it's more like you're the freaking one not fine. i'm perfectly fine. i know they're gonna go. they're not young. i would easily say that not many are his age and he's better than them both. i know he's going too but he's still better than them at this point. they use to be better than him before all this. honestly, i don't care! what's the point worrying when i'm half-way across the world not able to do anything? what's the point of YOU worrying when you are there but CAN NEVER EVER CHANGE THE FACT?! WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM! I HATE YOU FOR ASKING ME THAT QUESTION OVER AND OVER! have you ever heard of instant death? well a good example would be someone dying from a bad accident. and it could happen to anyone anytime. it happens everyday right? so what makes you think that it's never going to happen to any of us? think about that. you're making me think so much about them and making me feel as if i did something that caused it. what the hell did i do wrong that brought this? NOTHING OK? NO FREAKING THING! i'm going to stop here. if YOU ever read it, think about what i said. can you change the facts? what if someone got into a freak accident? would you have time to realise their meaning in your life? i give up trying to stop you from answering that question. if anyone else asks me that, i'll break down. reason being that i'm still getting over the fact that i'll never have the same friends here that i have back home, the fact that no one is my true friend here, the fact that this is all happening at the wrong time. why couldn't this have happened before we left? we would have just stayed on back home. never coming to somewhere that makes me feel like an outsider.

scared...

I'M TOO SCARED...
1. to open my heart up.
2. to tell them my feelings.
3. to tell them to stop asking me the same question.
4. to face my problems.
5. to face the hurt.
6. to face the truth.
7. to face them.
8. OF EVERYTHING!

I feel useless because I'm scared. I'm scared of not only loosing her. I'm scared of loosing all of them. I miss them all. What am I supposed to do now? I really do not know but if anyone could give me the answer, it would make my day.

tests

What Natalie Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt A little more inner confidence could take you far... And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You a Confident Woman?

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's" Your Inner Gender?

Why...

Why...
1. Does the family have to suffer this way?
2. Did God give me such luck?
3. Do we have to be apart?
4. Must life be full of tough decisions?
5. Is everyone not being helpful?
6. Are my friends here not true friends?
7. Is it so hard for me to open up?

...and the list goes on. I am suffering. You are suffering. He is suffering. She is suffering. They are suffering. WE are suffering. I'm sorry I sound emo and stuff but life is just killing me emotionally and some family members physically. Just to let you know, I'm sort of going through a rough patch right now so I'm not in the best of moods. I'm not going to say what happened but I just want to ask that you pray for my family. I may not update often. Nights. Take care everyone and treasure everyone around you. Anything could happen at anytime.

Quiz again...again

How are you feeling today?

Seasons in the Sun (Summer is near >.<)

Will you get far in life?

Je Dois Tout Faire À Ma Manière (Gotta Go My Own Way in French)

How do your friends see you?

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (-.-)

Will you get married?

在水一方 - Jiro 汪东城 (By the Water Side)

What's the story of your life like?

Christmas Tree Prayer

What's secondary school life like?

Swear It Again

How can you get ahead in life?

How Do I Live - LeAnn Rimes

How do you feel about your friends?

戀愛達人 - Show Luo 小豬 羅志祥

Describe them.

Your Heart Will Lead You Home

What's tomorrow gonna be like?

Jumpin', Jumpin'

What's in store for the weekend?

Can You Feel the Love Tonight

Describe yourself.

You - Switchfoot

Describe your parents.

In Moments Like These

How's your life going?

All Out of Love

My friends here are not true friends. I want my friends from back home whom I truly love. My family's back home too and I love them. I need more love here...freakishly true...

What song will they play at your funeral?

Last Christmas

How does the world see you?

你是我所有的回憶 - Calvin 辰亦儒

Will you have a happy life?

Gotta Go My Own Way

What do your friends really think of you?

Sing Hallelujah

Do people secretly lust after you?

I Don't Dance

How do I make myself happy?

What I've Been Looking For

What should you do with your life?

出口 - 飛輪海

Will you have children?

月桂女神 - S.H.E.

I'll elaborate on what I mean by they are not true friends. My friend's mom was going through chemo for her breast cancer, and she was really sad and all so see her mom suffer so much. I comforted her and all. Then when I found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, the reaction I got was 'Oh, she'll be fine.' in an 'I really don't care so don't tell me' tone. Then was my other grandmother and her back and the same reaction. Then was someone else I know and cancer again. Same thing happened. I was so mad at her. Like what the heck's your problem man. I just need a listening ear. Then there's this other friend where she had some problems with a guy and she kept calling me. My response was always telling her that I was free and could lend her a listen ear. After she solved that problem, she didn't say anything to me and just was so caught up it's just like i'm non-existant in her life.

Well, there's always JCRU who has never let me down. When I started thinking of my friends during one of the meetings when we were talking about friendships, they were all comforting me. They are the only group of great friends that are true to me. We always listen to each others problems at meetings.

Well, I got to sleep. Night all! Miss you guys!