Saturday, October 25, 2008

I don't feel like I belong.

去年,我刚来,我还是觉得我比较适合新加坡。
今年夏天,我回去,我好希望我还是比较适合新加坡。
可惜,我回家时,没有那样的感觉。
我会来这里时,我也觉得我不适合这里。
我在新加坡或加拿大也没差别。
两边都不适合。

我到底该讲实话还是说我觉得好兴奋才好呢?
连姐姐都回去了,那我该不该说我也要回去呢?
我回去,我也是会觉得好陌生。
我呆在这也没差别。
我也不知道怎么做了。

我好想哭,可是我哭也没用。
我好想大声地喊出来,可是喊也没用。
我好想做好多事,可是做这些事也没用。
为什么我做什么也没用的?

我问过自己:我为什么那么没用呢?
如果我不在,你们会不会开心点?
会不会觉得没那么烦呢?

我连看电视都让你生我的气,做功课也让你生我的气。
我做什么也让你生我的气。
我做什么都是没用,都让你生我的气。
如果是这样,那请告诉我该怎么做才会游泳,才不会让你生我的气。
我真的想不到办法。

你知道我多么想回去吗?
你知道我多么想念我朋友们吗?
你知道我心有多通吗?

可是我回去,我会觉得我是个陌生人。
我想念朋友们,她们都不记得我是谁了。
连我生日都没人祝我生日快乐。
我心多痛都没人发现。
我心痛我这里的朋友都没发现。
你们一直逼我回答,可是我自己也不知道怎么回答呢?

我真的不知道怎么做了。
如果我网路上没反应,请不要怪我。

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Random *partially*

It's been a week.
We're trying.
Really.
But we can't help missing you.
Thank you Lord for taking care of her.
I sorry I don't know you.


Random test from AYKM!
THE SELF
[01] Name: Natalie FYWL
[02] Nickname: Nat, Natnat, Nutella
[03] Married: Sorry but I'm 14 years - 9 days old.
[04] Zodiac Sign: Libra
[05] Gender: FEMALE.
[06] Age: *refer to #3*
[07] High School: CHIJTPSS/Holy Cross Regional High School
[08] College: Don't know. Yet.
[09] Height: 159? I don't care.
[10] Weight: Don't ask. But I'm working on it.
[11] Do you like yourself: What's not to like about myself?
[12] Piercings: One on each year.
[13] Right or left: Lefty xD
[14] Are you a freak: Maybe? xD
[15] Hair: Long, layered. Hopefully not thick anymore.
[16] Skin: Tanned yet not? I don't know.
[17] Allergic: Penicillin.
[18] What are you doing now: Watching 棒棒堂‘s 小巨蛋演唱会.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Shower? Maybe sleep?
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Never thought about that at all.

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: Both parents. I wish I was with my siblings.
[22] Siblings (included you): 1 elder sister, 2 older brothers.

THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: Nope.
[27] If yes, who is he/she: No-one.
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: 王子 邱胜翊 but that's Kat's future husband. So he's off limits to me xD
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 0
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): No.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): No. I don't think so.
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Don't have one.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: Never did.
[34] Ever argue with your other half: *refer to 32*
[35] You with your other half since: *refer to 32*
[36] Are you straight/Lesbo: Straight.
[37] Reasons you love your other half: I DON'T HAVE ONE!
[38] You and your other half in which stage: Oh gosh. You know my answer.
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo: ...I'm not going to answer.
[44] The enemy you hate the most (1only): What if I don't have one?
[45] Your most beautiful girl-friend: hmm...Kat? Mandy? ALL OF THEM!
[46] Your most handsome guy-friend: Kevin? Ayrton? Don't know.
[47] The kind of girl you dislike the most: Female dogs.
[48] The kind of boy you dislike the most: Guys like D****.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: No way. I'm straight.
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: *refer to 49*
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: Oh well. Then you're not a true friend.
[52] If your friend betray you: *refer to 51*
[53] If your friend woo your lover: I don't have one.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: I'll feel weird.
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: Then I'll be les. AYKM is my BFF.

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: haha yeah.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: Yes. If not I wouldn't pass.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: hmm...Ms. Calendino? Mrs. Sousa? Don't know.
[59] Always late to school/college: Haven't been late. Don't intend to.
[61] You love your seniors: I think so.
[62] Senior who you love the most: Hmm...I don't know.
[63] Your classmates good/bad: Depends.
[64] Excellent result classmate: SARAH ATKINSON AKA TOP OF THE LEVEL
[65] Laziest classmate: Not naming any.

TH PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: Sarah, Colleen, Kat, Angel, Mandy, Wei Jia, Joan, Clara, many.
[67] Stupid people: Don't know.
[68] Good looking people: ALL MA FWENS!
[69] Ugly people: ...Everyone is made in the eyes of God.
[70] Funny people: ANGEL! COLLEEFLOWER! AMANDA! so many. too little space.
[71] Cute people: *refer to 68*
[72] Bad people: ...Don't know.
[73] Honest people: COLLEEFLOWER! ANGEL! KAT!
[74] Acting people: I'm not naming anyone.
[75] What kind of person are you?: I honestly don't know. Ask my friends.

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: Both.
[77] Hugs or kisses: Both.
[78] Shorter or taller: Taller. I feel short with Sarah.
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Not too hesitant, not to spontaneous.
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Both.
[81] Listener or talker: Both.
[82] Romantic or rich: Romantic for sure.
[83] Good husband or good father: Both.

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: 28?
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 2. I don't want too much pain.
[86] Career: Haven't thought of my future. Hard to find a combination of music, math, science.
[87] Salary: Enough to sustain a family of 4 and my parents.
[88] Retirement age: Depends on how much I like my job.
[89] Properties value: I don't know. I really don't care at the moment.
[90] Wishes: To know where I belong. To be wherever is better for me. A lot more.

THE VICTIMS
[91] Anyone
[92] Who
[93] Wants
[94] To
[95] Do
[96] This
[97] Time-consuming
[98] But
[99] Weird
[100] Test.

Hey, it helps if you are bored!


I know they are really trying.
Send a sign showing us you are safe.
I hope you recieved what we sent to you.
We really miss you.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Please...

Hey. Please pray for Acacia Abraham.
She was a cousin of a friend.
She took her own life on October 2,2008.
Pray for her family and friends too please.
They're going through a lot.
It was not intentional for her taking her own life.
It just happened.
Something just went wrong and what she planned didn't turn out.
She was only 15 and she wasn't able to live life to the fullest.
R.I.P. Acacia.
You'll be missed by family and friends.