Can-SG Teen

Reflection again...on my weird dream?!

2009-10-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, I feel like blogging, but again, I have no idea what to blog about. Should I try Lester's way again? Haha. I'm talking to him right now. But the day has barely started, can I really just keep writing when nothing much has happened today?

Ok, firstly, it's already 10/10 in SG, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VERNICE, MARC, AND MATTHEW!!! So, I woke up early JUST TO SMS VERNICE! Haha. And thankfully she got the sms. She replied too, and I wasn't expecting that.

Oh! This morning when mom was preparing to go to work, she was in the kitchen, and she turned on the tv! Was so loud! =( Then I woke up, but thankfully I was tired enough to go back to sleep! Haha. So yeah. That was my sleep for the night. Not very intresting actually, but I have nothing else to talk about. And this is all that's coming to my mind, so yeah, I guess I do have stuff to talk about.

Oh, and I had this super weird dream! I WAS BACK IN P6! =D And then our classrooms changed totally! Instead of individual desks, we had the group desk that looks like /===\ kind of thing. Haha. Ok, I don't know if you understand what I'm talking about but yeah. And then, I had to leave class for this field trip with the P2s?! Super weird. But then on the feild trip, I had to leave half way again! And this time was for a family party TO A GOOSE FARM?! HAHAHAHA yeah. Oh, and a pigeon farm too! Like wth. Then I had to join the P2s again to go back to school. On the way to the excursion bus, there was this lady who was washing bird shit off vehicles and the pavement?! Yeah. HAHAHA and then this group of cheerleaders walked pass her, and the started laughing at her. Then she used the hose she had in hand, and sprayed all of the cheerleaders. AND THERE WERE SO MANY CHEERLEADERS! Like, more than 50! Yeah, then when I got back to class, I was grouped up with PSY, SKL, Yamcake, and Turtle! HAHAH. Of all people, Turtle? I'm not even that close to her! I barely talk to her. And Mrs Tan was sorting out this whole wall that was full of pencil cases hanging on hooks! And you could write on them, and still erase it off. Like a whiteboard kind of thing. Haha. Then because Turtle had to take this test that was supposed to be a surprise, but she already knew of it before. Then Mrs Tan asked who told Toh Mie. HAHA of all names that came to my head, TOH MIE?! Lol. Haha. Then Turtle said Mee Yin, refering to Min Yee. BUT, we never had a Min Yee in our class, and she was refering to Min Yu! HAHA my dream was super messed up! And then, that's all I remember of my dream.

And, I promised to bring Verns to the zoo and night safari when I go back IN 2 YEARS! xD She still doesn't know I'm going back. So yeah. I'm gonna surprise her when I get back. I CAN'T WAIT!

14 days! But I haven't packed. How to pack?! I still need to use my clothes! =( I MISS SG! I miss Lesty. I miss Vern. I miss Ash. I miss Kiki. I miss Ry. I miss Val. I miss Gab. I miss Celly. I miss Vann. I miss the family! I miss Risen Christ and the sessions too! Oh well, time's coming soon!

Don't think, just write (type). A way of reflection I learnt from Lester.

2009-10-07T23:51:00.003-07:00

Ok, I just feel like blogging. I don't know about what, or why. I just want to.

Sometimes, life's just that hard. But wth, just deal with it. Everything that comes your way gives you a new experience to remember each time. When you're wrong about something, you learn. When you're right about something, you learn. You never stop learning.

Something I really leart from CCD today is that no matter how young or old you are, you really never stop learning. Adults learn to be kids. Kids learn to be adults. We all learn to understand each other. If only life was that perfect. Everyone understanding each other. How much it saves my ears from things I really don't like to hear.

I just really hate it when friends tell me that they hate their siblings. Hate is such a strong word. How can you use that against your siblings?! That is something I can never understand. Yes, I admit, I use to fight with my siblings a lot when I was younger, but I have never said that I've hated them, and I never will. My siblings, in fact, my whole family, mean a lot to me. I think that I've said I hate my dad, but now that I've changed the way I look at things, I really doubt that I hate him. I think it's just the fact that a lot of the times that he chose to annoy me, it happened when I was annoyed with other stuff, but because him annoying me was always the most recent thing, I just vented about that, and nothing else.

Life is something we should never take for granted. There were multiple disasters last week. The tsunami in Samoa, the flooding in Phils, the earthquake in Indonesia. Sometimes, I really love nature, but then again, it can turn its back on us, and drastically change our views. Life is something that should be treasure, not taken for granted.

I heard that Kathryn and Kevin's cousin was lost after the flooding, but they found him. Thankfully. I started thinking about what I would be feeling if it was my cousin who was lost. Or worse, if I was the one who was lost. How would I have felt? Then I realised, this could actually happen to me at anytime. You'll never know for sure.

I've learnt a very important lesson at CCD today. No matter how young or old you are, you'll always be welcomed by everyone at Church. Somewhere that age really doesn't matter. We've got teachers with us from ages 14 to 60+. Right here is proof to everyone that adults and teens CAN work together. Those who really don't like their parents, you should really come for just ONE lesson, and I'm sure you'll be shocked at how all of us are just that close.

Even back home, look at the cathechism classes back home! The adults work together with the teens to teach all of us too! Is it really that hard to just TRY and understand our parents and siblings? I can testify that family is the most important thing in life. Family and love. I learnt today that it has been proven that if a baby doesn't have physical contant with human, it will die.

Today, we talked about the Sacraments. Ayrton and I had to do the outward sign skit, but I guess we didn't really get our message across to the kids. They don't really understand the difference between just telling someone that they're a great person, and giving them a pat on the shoulder while telling them they're a great person. I really think is makes a difference. I feel the difference even with my friends.

It's amazing how the only thing I've done today was just go for CCD class, yet, I've got so much to talk about. I wasn't even studying today. I really don't know how some topics came up. And I don't know if there are any spelling mistakes. I just wrote all this with my eyes close, with the spur of the moment. I don't even remember what I wrote. But I think I may do this more often.

A friend of mine who has led different camps in his life told me that he's done this a lot, and it's amazing how some people can't think of anything because they try to think too hard about what to write, but those who just relax and let words come to mind, they write a full page of thoughts in just a few minutes. I really like this. Sometimes, I have so much on my mind, but I don't feel like talking. I'm really not one who actually likes to talk much. I just like to type my feelings out. My friend's right. This can really help someone feel more at ease, and not like there's something bothering them.

Before I wrote this, I was trying so hard to recall what I've done that's bothering me now, but I could not think of a single thing! So I remembered this, and I just thought of giving it a try. I really do feel better now. I think it helps me.

Ok, I should be sleeping. It's already 12.20am. Nights!

Hmm...

2009-10-05T13:28:00.003-07:00

Man, I miss talking to Les, Ash, Mandy, Ryan, Vern, and all of them! I miss sessions too.

AH! 18 days! And I still haven't packed! How to pack?! I have clothes that I still need to use! =( But, I CAN'T WAIT! =D I still need to study too. What to do?! My first time using my com after 3 days! Accomplishment! But then again, I haven't studied much yet. DIE!

Well, just wanna wish Val a happy belated 21st, and Tim a happy early 25th! BIRTHDAY MONTH IS HERE! So many birthdays!

I'm suddenly wondering, did I really make the right choice? I'm afraid I made this choice based on the wrong reason. Did I? I don't know. I can't turn back anyway, so I guess I'll just have to live with my decision.

I haven't gotten angry at anyone for the past week! Another accomplishment! =D Proud of myself.

Tired =(

2009-09-28T18:51:00.002-07:00

*yawns* I can't believe it's not even 7pm! I'm already tired. You know what, I have 24 days left to BOTH STUDY AND PACK! Damn. I really need to step up and get going. I've barely started Sec 2 science. Chem is hard! But I like it. Haha. Oh. Trig ratios and equations are super hard to memorise! But again, I like it. HAHA. Maybe that's why I wanna go back. I love challenges! =D Ok, back to studying I go!

Hmm...

2009-09-23T20:46:00.002-07:00

Ok I just spent the whole of today studying! I can't believe it! And OMG I totally didn't realise that I have 30 days left here! And I calculated, I have only 15 full 24-hr days left AT MOST! Sian la. I was just thinking about that, and that was good enough to get me studying from 11am to 1.30pm. Break for lunch. Studying from 2.30pm till 4pm. Ok, I think I'm going to watch 换换爱 and if I have time after, I'm gonna continue studying again. I finally have the motivation to study! =)

-.-

2009-09-22T00:14:00.002-07:00

WTH! I finally see Ash online after 17 days, and guess what I happen to be doing? GOING TO BED! Damn it la. Haven't talked to him for so long lor. Haha. So I arranged to talk to him early in the morning. Must go sleep now! Haha. Bye!

Just a quick one...

2009-09-19T01:28:00.002-07:00

Hey. Just wanted to acknowledge these people who've made my life intresting.

Thanks to God for all the challenges he puts before me.
Thanks to Joacs and Les for letting me rant.
Thanks to Les for entertaining me in the middle of the night.
Thanks to Vern for making me feel so loved.
Thanks to Amanda for all the memories we've shared, and the long-lasting friendship we have.
Thanks to Ash for always being there for me to talk about random stuff to.
Thanks to Kathryn for opening up my eyes to all the youth group stuff in church.
Thanks to CCD/PREP for giving me a place where I can put my knowledge of my faith to the test, and at the same time help others.
Thanks to CYF for opening my eyes to things I never knew I never knew about our faith.
Thanks to all my friends for accepting me for who I am.

The most important thanks I owe is to my family, including all my aunties and uncles, cousins, and grandparents.
Thanks to Mom and Dad for giving me such a luxurious life to live. It may not be the best of the best, but it's perfect for me.
Thanks to all three of my siblings for taking care of me.
Thanks to my cousins, aunties, and uncles for entertaining me at saturday dinners.
Thanks to my grandparents for taking care of me.

The specifics of the family.

Thanks to Mom for always cleaning up my messes, and for teaching me how to clean up after myself. Thanks for also helping me understand why Dad acts the way he does.

Thanks to Dad for always teaching me whenever I've had problems in my work. Thanks also for teaching me the syllabus in such a rushed time, even though you could very well be doing other stuff, becaue this doesn't benefit you in anyway. And thanks for giving our family the opportunity to try something new.

Thanks to Tim for cooking for me and the family. Even though I've lived almost half my life with out you, I still know how much you care for me. Thanks for explaining to me what Dad was trying to do for me when my short temper got the better of my. You'll always be the brother who fed me and taught me patience.

Thanks to Gab for always finding ways to entertain me. Especially with Bloo's 'suspicious' thing. HAHA. Thanks for taking care of me while I was home too. You'll always be the brother who could make me laugh at anytime.

Thanks to Val for inviting me to CYF when I first went back last year. Thanks also for being there for me this year when I really needed someone to cry on, even though it was 4am. Thanks for listening to me rant too, and for inviting me for supper with your friends too. You'll always be my one and only sister that I'll ever have who would take care of me.

Thanks to Vann for always showing her concern for me. Thanks also for helping plan Val's party.

Thanks to Aunty Linda for being so generous and inviting me on the trip to Beijing.

Thanks to Aunty Florence for sending the exam papers via express airmail. Thanks also for helping me get back into IJ.

I think I still owe thanks to others, but I really can't think of them now. Ok, I know my title says 'Just a quite one...' and it was meant to be, but I guess I had more to say than I thought.

Just thinking...

2009-09-18T12:07:00.002-07:00

Ok, ever since visiting the Grotto of our Sorrowful Mother in Portland with the family, and talking about our faith with Tim and Mom, I've started to think a lot. Especially on the question 'If I wasn't born a cradle Catholic, would I have converted to this faith?' It's really bugging me, and when I saw what Aunty Linda wrote to Mom, I realised that it's very true that the majority of cradle Catholics, but not all, don't have a very strong faith, especially when compared to those who chose to learn about the faith on their own. Now I start to think, if other's who never grew up with this faith can have such strong belief, why can't I put in the effort to be like them? Follow as closely in the footsteps of Jesus as possible? It's amazing what influence others have on us, especially those who we thought were just like all of us.

For example, Aunty Linda, from what I remember, was never really that into our faith, even though she goes to church with the family every week. But I guess something in her just gave her that jolt of intrest in the faith. And in the emails that she's sent to my mom, the one thing that she pointed out was that happiness is the key to life, not wealth nor fortune. That resulted in her good heart.

Even Gilbert. When I went for CYF sessions with him, I always thought he was born a Catholic, and was brought up in a family that really practiced the faith. But I was wrong about that. Gil converted just a few years ago, and yet, although he's been a Catholic for a shorter time than me, he knows so much more about the faith, and he knows how to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

Another inspiration to me is Lester. I'm pretty sure he's born a Catholic, so he's proof to me that even cradle Catholics don't have to lack that faith. He's so strong in his faith, that even though he's gone through quite a bit as a teen, and even know as an adult, he's put in such difficult situations, but he doesn't get angry with God or anything for putting him through so much. And even when I rant to him, he always tells me that God gives us what He knows we can handle.

Even Val, when she was so active in church, inspired me although I was still young. I saw how active she was, and how happy she was, that I was actually very intrested in being active in church like she was. Yes, she may be busy now a days, and not be as active, but I know that she tries.

These four inspirations have changed my life, and I've realised that it doesn't matter if I would have converted anymore, because that is something that I won't ever find the answer too, but I can change my life for the better, and lift all my worries and troubles up to God, and live life with an open-mind, and an optimism in me.

Wow...

2009-09-16T13:51:00.003-07:00

You know, on the trip to Oregon this past weekend, I realised stuff. Like, I realised that my dad's just trying to do all he can to help me, and it's not like he's going to get anything out of it. He's just doing it all for me. I finally understand what Tim and my mom have been trying to tell me.

You know, I saw Val's entry about having the family back together, and Cel's entry about Saturday dinners, and it really struck me that my sister and cousin care about the family a lot more than I thought, especially since they aren't always there, especially Val. But I agree with both of them.

I'm really going to miss Tim once I go back. I've lived the past 5 or 6 years without him, and I was so happy to finally be with him again. Now, I don't even know when he's going back, and I don't know when I'll next see him anymore. =\ I guess Val must feel worse, because she hasn't seen him for an even longer time compared to me.

And I miss the family dinners too. It's just different without the whole family there, and it's true that it's more quiet these days, and they seem to just end earlier and earlier. It's a sad fact. Well, I just hope that we could all return home and stay together. I'll make that my birthday wish for this year. I wish that the family will return home and stay together forever. I really miss them...

Ok, I should probably hit the books. Actually, not the books. The exam papers. =(

Holiday, holiday, holiday.

2009-09-04T12:31:00.003-07:00

I'm going off to Nelson tomorrow with Godma and family, and Chelsea! Yay! Haha. Coming back on Monday. ^^ Then Wednesday would be the first CCD class for the year. Thursday the family's off to Oregon! Going for 6 days. Haha. I'm enjoying my holiday! Haha. I've had so many holidays this year!

Apr: Seattle
May: Montreal and Toronto
Jul/Aug: Singapore
Sep: Nelson and Oregon
Oct: SOMEWHERE GREAT! ^^

And in between, I've been going down south with Godma and family, and Chelsea too! Haha. So fun! Oh well, won't be online again until Monday afternoon or evening. Maybe Tuesday if I'm too tired. ^^ But ew, there's a SEVEN TO TEN hour car ride! I'm gonna be so car sick :( Oh well, that's when my 2 MP3s and my DS and my phone comes in. HAHA.

Picnic!

2009-08-30T19:35:00.002-07:00

Ok, so today we had a potluck picnic at Fleetwood Park! We meaning JCRU. Yup. Saw Kathryn at 8.30 mass today. Told her my news, and apparently she knew because Kevin saw my posts on Cabralda's wall, and told Kathryn. Haha. Yup. Then saw Regina, Tintin, Emily, Catheren, and Alex at the potluck. Told them too. Sadly, Kathryn, Catheren, and Tintin all won't be teaching PREP this year. I'll be teaching till the lesson after my birthday. By then, I'll have to stop. Yup.

Potluck today was really fun, except for the fact that I couldn't play Twister because I can't put pressure on my toe still. (I'll tell more later.) Wanted to play this game where we are supposed to walk around, and someone's a killer who winks at you, and then you die. Did it in Drama class in Sec 1. But I didn't want my toe stepped on, so I ended up not playing. Mostly say around with Cat the whole time. She's another cripple, along with me. Haha. She dislocated her knee and hyperextended her muscle, and tore her ACL and stuff like that. Went for surgery not long ago, and she's on crutches now...again. She tends to either hurt her ankle or her knee a lot. Yup. That was about all.

Oh, about the toe. Yesterday, I was lying stomach down on Tim's mattress in front of the TV. Then as I wanted to get up, my toenail somehow got stuck in the carpet. -.- Weird part was that my nails aren't even long. Weirder part is that my slippers were on, and my toe couldn't exactly reach the carpet, but it happened. HAHA. Anyway, my nail broke, and it started to bleed. Then I wanted to wash it under water, but apparently, IT HURTS LIKE I NEVER IMAGINED IT WOULD!!! Yup. So I barely got a few drops of water AROUND my toe, and I immediately took it out of the water. Haha. Yup. Best part was that as I was walking after the bleeding stopped, I FREAKING STUBBED IT AGAINST THE CORNER OF THE COFFEE TABLE!!! Of all times to stub it -.- So yeah, couldn't exactly wear any shoes today. I never even thought that putting on my jeans would hurt! Just because it rubbed over my toe A LITTLE, it hurt so bad! =( And I guess Mom didn't think I needed gause (sp?) to cover it yesterday WHEN IT WAS EVEN WORSE! And this morning DURING mass, she said:" I think you should cover it up with gause." !&%*$ She tells me this after I struggle getting my track pants off and putting my jeans on??? So nice. And I struggled sleeping too, because I'm sleeping in my fleece blanket, and it keeps rubbing against my toe, because I like to roll myself up in that. OUCH! Yeah. That's the story of my toe. AND it happens to be the big toe, which I learnt today, is the most important toe, because it's the one that keeps you balanced, and makes walking SO much easier.

Snapped...

2009-08-28T23:12:00.002-07:00

Well, my plan failed today. It's just too hard to let his small comments pass. It all adds up, and what's worse is that he's complaining that I'm doing something that ANYONE is possible to do. EVEN HIM! So what, I watch TV with my glasses, happen to fall asleep, and I get scolded? Is it my fault that I fall asleep? Why scold me, when you do it too? And why are you blaming me that I'm not studying when I'm actually STILL having summer holidays, even if I was supposed to go back to school? You made me go through half of maths by now, and I've only been home for one week. Are you just trying to make me hate studying? Or just you? Because you're making me do both. I've said that I can't study when someone forces me to, and you know that. So why are you doing it? The worst is that I don't snap at you, I snap at Tim and Mom, when they didn't even do anything to me at all! I realised that if you never came, life would be so much more peaceful in the house. Do you realise that EVERYTIME you fight, is always about the same thing? It NEVER ever changes, and it's really just pissing me off. It's pissing mom off too, and the worst part is that it's not you that suffers after, IT'S ME because then the whole house will be in a bad mood, and once I do some small mistake, your anger gets taken out on ME. Why? All because you listen to your sisters, and not your wife. So much for trust in a relationship. Forget it. I'm just gonna sleep all the anger that's building up in me off. I don't wanna waste my summer thinking about all these things when I could very well be enjoying my book, and just leaving the house and walking around, which I can do at anytime for all I care. You can oppose, but it's not like you can lock me out of the house either.

DINNER!

2009-08-28T07:53:00.002-07:00

Eh! Yesterdays dinner was super duper nice! Haha. Ok, maybe not the coleslaw, but the burger was just WONDERFUL! EXCELLENT! DELICIOUS! Heehee. Guess who made it? TIM! =D Haha. Mom and I agreed that he's the chef of the house. Haha xD. He cooks super well man! Ok, the coleslaw wasn't made by him, it was by me =( So it didn't turn out. My cooking the on Wednesday and yesterday all didn't turn out! The mac & cheese, potato salad, and coleslaw. All not nice one! Anyway, nothing else to say. Haha. Yup, that was all I wanted to talk about. How Tim is a super great cook! =)
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NOVEMBER! =D

Heehee

2009-08-27T10:42:00.003-07:00

=D I've been taking Tim's advice. You don't wanna listen? One ear in one ear out. It seems like you are, but in actual fact you're not! =D Worked for the past couple of days!

Anyway, went to withdraw from HC, returned Mr Cabralda his trombone, talked to Mrs Stone about not being able to help with CCD anymore. Didn't see Cabralda though, so returned it to Kazun. Then we walked to Joe's, bought veggies and fruits, went to Save-Ons, bought macaroni and meats and milk. I cooked lunch for the 3 of us yesterday! Haha. Wasn't a success though. Mac & Cheese that didn't taste nice. Potato salad that was so-so, but mom said wasn't too bad. Tim said that we didn't have recipe for mac & cheese, that's why it didn't turn out great. Haha. But ya, I know I can't exactly cook very well without recipes. I want to be like mom and Tim! The cook so well, but they have no idea what recipe they're using. They just come up with something on the spot. Haha.

Ok, wanna continue reading. Oh! My sister's keeper is a great book! And so is a walk to remember! Much nicer than the movie I have to say. =D
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NOVEMBER!

Wonderful Realisation.

2009-08-25T11:32:00.002-07:00

All this time, I only thought my sister cared most for me. But I just realised that all of them care for me in different ways. Val's there for me to talk to when I need, Gab's there to keep me entertained, and he motivates, a.k.a. makes, me exercise, and Tim cooks for me, and he helps me understand why Dad is so, controlling, to put it nicely. So much for them not caring. I think it's more of a 'I don't care much for them' rather than a 'they don't care for me much'. I should start doing more for them.

Oh, did I mention how I favour Val and how long it took me to realise it? Ok, just if I didn't, I realised it when I was making her present for her 21st, and Gab was asking why I never made them any presents. Then I started thinking, and I realised that I've been making birthday cards and presents for Val since '07, if I'm not wrong, but not once have I made a card for Tim or Gab! Ok, maybe because I never spent Tim's birthday with him for the past 5 or 6 years, because of army and uni. Wow, that is long. Ok, anyway, ya. But I've spent Gab's birthday with him all the time! And I never bothered to get him a present in my life! So yeah, that's when I realised that I tend to favour Val over my brothers. Sad, but true. =( I should do something for them. Especially Tim's birthday this year! The first birthday I'll be celebrating with him after 6 years! Too long. And I don't know if I'll be celebrating with him next year either! He's way too independant. Living in a totally foreign place on his own for 4 years. But I'm glad to have him home. NICE FOOD! =D

Ok, I should probably get to clearing my stuff again.
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NOVEMBER!!! =D Can't wait for Christmas! And it's not for the presents. It's for the fun. =D

Messed up

2009-08-24T10:33:00.003-07:00

What is wrong with you guys? Just because I'm gone for TWO months, all my stuff have been moved! I've already said DON'T EVER TOUCH MY FREAKING STUFF!!!!! You could have AT LEAST ASKED ME where I want my stuff! Freaks! Now I can't find my stuff! And I know you're gonna blame me for not freaking keeping my stuff nicely. I know you. You always say it's my fault. My life's just messed up. I'm just glad I only have to survive 2 more months here. And stop freaking asking me if I'm sure! STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE IF YOU CLAIM THERE IS NO WRONG CHOICE! What's wrong with WANTING a challenge? Isn't that what YOU FREAKING WANT ME TO HAVE? Stop messing with me! Asshole. No, actually, it's not just you. IT'S EVERYONE! It's my life. Let me do what I want. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME STAY WHERE I DON'T LIKE! And why did you tell them that I love it here? I NEVER SAID THAT IN MY LIFE! Never will I prefer it here to home. I've said that I liked both places equally, BUT I HAVE NEVER EVER IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SAID THAT I LOVE HERE ANY MORE THAN HOME AT ALL! You know what, forget it. I can't be bothered about it anymore. Don't blame me if I ignore you when you ask me that question again. I can't be bothered to answer to that anymore.

ARGH!!! IDIOT!!!!

2009-08-23T14:29:00.002-07:00

Guess who just HAD to ruin my SUNDAY with effing MATHS AND SCIENCE LESSONS!!!! Stupid idiot who just want to kill me! You can't just let me RELAX can you? EVEN WITH A FREAKING HEADACHE! Such and ass. I'm glad I'm not living with you after November. Why won't you just let me rest and get better? Do you not realise that I have not even been listening the whole time? I really don't care anymore. I'm not gonna do the work. Apparently you never understood me when I said that I hate people to ask me to study, ESPECIALLY YOU! I don't really care if you ask me to study actually. I care that you FORCE me to study. EVEN WHEN I FREAKING KNOW EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I'm not slow! I understand what you teach AFTER THE FIRST FREAKING TIME! If I don't, I ask. STOP REPEATING EVERYTHING! I CAN'T STAND IT AT ALL!!! You can't seem to grasp the concept of relaxation can you? STOP BEING SO FREAKING KIASU! It's not like you don't already know my learning speed. If I learn fast, why you so effing worried? Forget it. I don't care anymore.

It's not working!

2009-08-23T12:31:00.002-07:00

Darn! I can't really keep a secret to myself. At least it's my secret, not someone else's. List of those who now know:
Amanda
Ryan
Lester
Ashton
Zenia
Family
Val's multitude of friends

This list is getting too long!!! Oh well. Lessons from Dad started yesterday. He's not freaking giving me a rest ON A SUNDAY!!! *idiot* Ok, I need to shower, because we're going out. BYE! =D
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NOVEMBER!!!

Back

2009-08-21T15:01:00.002-07:00

Hey! I'm back in Canada! Guess what. Lester is a bum. He never come online before I left! Anyway, flight wasn't very nice =( Quite a bit of turbulance, and not comfortable one! I sleep until stiff neck. And the food sucks. Japan Airlines, but not Jap food. Sian la. Just had lunch not long ago, started unpacking a bit. Then I realised that I forgot to bring back something for dad, and now he's angry at me -.- Not even 1 hour after I stepped into the house and I made him angry. Sian la. I miss Ash, Vern, Amanda, Les, Val, Gab, Cel, Van, and everyone else there already! I miss session...Ok, we're going out to buy groceries, so I'm gonna go off. Bye!
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Nov better come fast! Can't wait! =D

Last day!

2009-08-20T10:20:00.003-07:00

Ok, so today, I initially intended not to do anything and stay home. Then Ash asked me if I had the teenage mag from last month. Apparently, he wanted to read all the k-pop stuff. I ended up just giving him the mag. Couldn't be bothered to want it back. Nothing that intresting in that issue anyway. Haha. So ya, went down to church to pass it to him, then met Vern. Went into Lester's office, and slacked there for about 45mins? Ya. Then I went to J8 to buy stuff from NTUC for Gab, and bought sweets from minitoons for the plane ride later. Haha. Yup. That was my day.

OH! I came over to Pasir Ris after dinner, and I finally met up with Ms Helimmi! After so long! On the night before I leave. Haha. Just in time. Ya. Met her at Whitesands, the Mac's there. Her kids are super cute! Her daughter loves MJ songs, and she was in the car with her brother listening to them and dancing along, while I was talking to Ms Helimmi outside. Haha. Her dance super cute! Oh, and her son can sing pretty well for a 2 year old. Or is he 3? around that age. But they're pretty playful too.

Just got off the phone with Ash not long ago, was telling him about how his dislike for Ryan and Ryan's dislike for him was affecting Amanda a lot. Yeah, then I explained to him quite a bit on how it affected her la. And we both didn't know what to do about it though, because I wasn't supposed to tell him, so he's not supposed to know, and I know Amanda won't wanna ask what's wrong with the two of them. Like I told Ash, I really don't think their relationship is gonna last, but I don't know how to tell her. And I found out some quite intresting stuff from Ash while talking to him. Yeah, but it's not my problem, and yet it somehow is.

I'm waiting for Lester to come online! Because I'm not gonna sleep today. Haha. I have 4 hours to kill. Take 1 off for shower and last minute check, still have 3. Sian. Lester! Come online! Je veux parler en francais avec toi! I think I'm gonna read a walk to remember now. Or maybe I'll shower first. Hmm...I think I'll shower first.

TODAY!!!

2009-08-19T05:19:00.002-07:00

I went to school to say bye! :( And then went to meet Lester for lunch, and studied at Mac's while waiting for him to come. Haha. Can you believe that I've been studying WHILE ON HOLIDAY?! Haha. And Sharm and Ash think I'm crazy to do that. Even when AY asked if I wanted to study with them, I said yes, although I knew she was only kidding. Haha. I even bought an 'A' Maths assesment book. -.-

Then we ate lunch at the kopitiam near Courts and Eng Wah cinema there in TPC, and then after that I didn't know where to go, so I followed him to his office. Haha. Studied there while waiting for AY to come down with Ash. Went up to St Francis when they came. Verns came at 4.20, around there. Then she took 30mins to do TWO congruency questions because she kept procrastinating. Then we went to food point because we were hungry. The teh ping super nice and sweet! Haha. And I had cheese prata. Not bad, but not great either. I think Verns got irritated with Ash during tea break/dinner. Then when we went back, I never got back to studying, because we ended up in Lester's office talking. Haha. Then said bye to Les because he was going to Novena, and he wouldn't be back in church till around 7+, and I would have left by then.

Went back up, stoned with Ash while AY did her homework. Then ended up going to J8 with Ash because I had to buy cake, and he had to buy A pen that wasn't even in stock. HAHA. He got pissed off while I started laughing. He went to J8 just for ONE pen, only to find out that it wasn't in stock -.- Then he followed me to Prima Deli to buy the cake, and then we went to NTUC because he had to buy bread, then we went our seperate ways to go home.

Now I'm back, and waiting for Gab to come back to cut cake. If he's not back by 9, we're just gonna cut the cake without him. HAHA.

TWO DAYS and I'll be gone...but I can't wait for November!!! =D Ok, I shall go off, because I'm bored. BYE!

Lalala...

2009-08-18T04:01:00.003-07:00

THE PARTY ON SATURDAY WAS SUPER DUPER UBER FUN! So much for Joachim planning everything. He was freaking sick and didn't even tell me! Then I only found that out from Ethelbert at 6.15pm when I was supposed to meet the group at 6pm -.- The first one to come was Darren, at 6.35pm. Last was SHAWN! Came at 7pm. Made me wait for an hour -.- HAHA. Ok, enough about the party. Don't feel like elaborating on that anymore. Haha.

Ok, the main point of my post, MY SUPER RANDOM FRENCH CONVO WITH LES! Haha. Last night, ok actually this morning, I was talking to Lester, and we suddenly started speaking in French. HAHA.

Les:
parle français?

Me:
oui, je parle français.

Les:
très bien...mon anglais est melleur

Me:
it's meilleur
AHAHA

Les:
oui, pardon

Me:
je suis enuyeuse
*ennuyée

Les:
quoi?????

Me:
i am bored
HAHA

Les:
ennuyeuse = tedious
"i am tedious."

Me:
ennuyeuse=boring

Les:
u sure are, haha!

Me:
wtv la

Les:
hahaha

Me:
ok, we're both right
haha

Les:
c'est magnifique

Me:
pourquoi?

Les:
pour moi.. haha
je sais, je bon! :D

Me:
je ne veux pas dormir...
haha

Les:
non comprends.. i do not what?

Me:
i don't want to sleep
haha
je ne suis pas fatiguee

Les:
je.. mensonge? haha

Me:
you lie? huh?
ton français est mauvais
HAHA =)

Les:
ok what's that? haha

Me:
haha. your french is bad.

Les:
moi français est pas mal :D

Me:
je ne pense pas que ton français est pas mal. ton français est très mal =)
Les:
ok i have idea what ure saying

Me:
haha

Les:
i know the last part
ur french is very bad
but it's not true
*some face with the >.< eyes and tongue sticking out*

Me:
HAHA ya! i said, i don't think your french is not bad.
=)
it's not moi français! it's mon français!

Les:
sacré bleu..
merde!

Me:
why merde? why not zut?

Les:
what is zut???

Me:
damn
HAHA

Les:
ok.. merde more common

Me:
really? haha. zut is more common in my school
haha
and why sacred blue?

Les:
"merde" est plus commun en Français.. :D
sacré bleu est us expression..
:D
non
est plus commun en France
sacré bleu est un expression Français

Me:
je comprend

Les:
très bien

Me:
je suis ennuyée
quand tu as étudié le français?
tu comprends?

Les:
oui
des films :D

Me:
ah, c'est bon

Les:
that's a song

Me:
oh, c'est mal?

HAHA
Les:
non.. c'est er.. beau?

Me:
mais ce n'est pas beau.
HAHA

Les:
ok i don't understand

Me:
but it isn't beautiful
HAHA

Les:
why not?

Me:
because i don't think so
HAHA =)

Les:
merde!

Me:
pourquoi nous parlons en français?

Les:
what is nous parlons?

Me:
we speak
HAHA

Les:
ah, oui!

Me:
ton français est TRÈS mal. HAHAHA

Les:
tais toi!
vous êtes un imbecile :D
j'aime parler français avec vous too! hahahah

Me:
...c'est avec toi. HAHA es je ne suis pas un imbecile. tu es stupid. HAHA. mais je t'aime! =)
i meant stupide
haha

Les:
i dunno what to say alr.. my vocab limited leh.. i'm surprised i lasted so long.. ahah

Me:
AHAHA i'm surprised i lasted so long either!
my vocab is limited too x3

Les:
uually i only know merde, tais toi, sacré bleu, imbecile, bonjour.. comment ça va... haha

Me:
HAHA ok, that is limited...

Les:
french film usually only use these what.. haha!

Me:
how did we even start this french convo?

Les:
mort

Me:
je ne suis pas mort

Les:
haha no i meant i know that word too

Me:
LOL i know. i just had the urge to use it. HAHA

Les:
...

Me:
but how did we start all this french convo stuff? HAHA

Les:
je ne sais pas

Me:
tu aimes parler en français?

Les:
oui, très amusant! haha

Me:
je suis d'accord! =)

Les:
ok i had to figure that one out.. but i understand.. haha.. u watch french film?

Me:
nope

Les:
u should!

Me:
amélie? or something like that

Les:
les fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain :D

Me:
haha it's in the house somewhere...

Les:
that's quite lovely.. but there are others... this Canadian film.. Magique! i watched with sam lee

Me:
haha c'est bon?
veux-tu manger le dîner avec moi aujourd'hui?

Les:
hmmm.. how to say cannot?
haha

Me:
tu est horrible
haha

Les:
eh got such word meh? u anyhow

Me:
really got

Les:
...
what's the french equivalent of ridiculous? haha

Me:
ridicule
c'est ridicule?

Les:
TRÈS ridicule.. haha

Me:
HAHA je suis d'accord

Les:
vous êtes poo poo.. hahah

Me:
wth is poo poo? HAHA

Les:
hahaha
what u find on Parisien sidewalks.. ahaha

Me:
...don't you find that anywhere?

Les:
especially on Parisian sidewalks :D

Me:
HAHA ok...

-END-

HAHA ya...talked in french for more than an hour lor. AMAZING! It was super funny la. Ok, I should probably write the cards, and go shower. BYE!

P.S. Van thought that I liked Lester...more than a friend -.-

Sleepy...

2009-08-14T17:22:00.002-07:00

I'm sorry to dissappoint the HC Gr 10 and SC Band, but it's for my happiness. Oops :X I'm sorry, but your only bari horn has to leave you guys. I'm probably going to school to tell you guys this to hate me, but at least I'm telling you, and not mysteriously dissappearing! Heehee.

Ok, yesterday, I slept at 5am, but by 8.30am, I woke up, because Aunty Florance called me! So early in the morning! Then after talking to her, I couldn't sleep anymore! So I had 3.5hrs of sleep in total -.- Then I intended on sleeping after lunch, like a pig, haha, but I ended up going out to Jalan Berseh for fish soup lunch with Godma, Aunty Doreen, Ashley, Auntie, and Uncle. Damn nice la, I swear. Then ended up getting home around 2+, and I was meeting Verns at 4, so I didn't have time for a nap.

So I met her, went to Borders, went to Marks & Spencers, then walked around ION for a very short while, and decided to go Lor 8 because we wanted O Lua, but when we finally got there, we were suddenly not hungry at all, so we decided not to eat in the end. Haha. And by then it was about time to head over to church. Then we had a short session by Jos about Assumption. Then we all went for mass together, and then we had rosary after session.

After session, there was no supper! Man, I can't believe that I won't be going for session anymore! At least, not until I come back. Ya, then went to eat fried rice with Amanda, Ryan, and Verns. Lester joined Verns and me after, and then we went to the prata house near our place. Then we walked Verns back, and the Les walked me back. He's so nice! He bought me drinks again last night!

Ok, so I got home earlier than usual la, around 11+pm? Usually get home past 12mn after session...heehee. Then started writing my cards to friends, and I only slept at 4.30am. Haha. And I only completed 2 cards! Wow.

Then this morning, had to get up at 6.30 to go to market, so I only slept for about 2.5hrs because I ended up getting up at 7. =D So ya, over 2 days, I've only had 6hrs of sleep, the minimun required for each night! Haha. I should really get some sleep, or I won't enjoy tonight! Ok, I really need to go back to sleep! Can't tahan already. Nights! or Morning! Which ever you prefer la. Bye!

Wow...

2009-08-13T05:23:00.003-07:00

I'VE BEEN SO HAPPY FOR THE WHOLE OF TODAY!!! Amanda knows why =D

Ok, anyway, the main point of my post now is that I think everyone who thinks life is nothing without TV and internet and all the electronics should watch the 8pm show on Channel U. Meaning now. Haha. It's about celebs from Singapore going on volunteer missions to the less fortunate and wealthy places. Seeing how they live remind me of the GK trip that HC does. Man, I think I really need to cherish what I have now. But seeing them so happy with nothing but family, I start thinking that I should get off the computer and watch less TV, spend more time with family and friends. Hmm...I think I shall. I'll start by reducing my computer time. Remember to watch the show!

If I'm not careful...

2009-08-12T10:32:00.002-07:00

...I'm gonna get myself into a lot of trouble.

I can't believe that less than 24hrs ago, I was just crying so much and I didn't really know why. Now, I'm just so happy! But I really shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me. So I talked to mom, and she seems fine with it! She says that dad wouldn't mind either, considering how he's always talking about it! I just hope that I won't be happy and all, and then he'll come and say no, then I'll be really crushed. I hope all goes according to plan! But I'll be letting the band down though. =/ I'm sorry, but it's for the good of my education...and my happiness.

Les, see! Writing an email wasn't the wrong choice!!! Heehee.
----------------------------------
THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD!!!

This is crap.

2009-08-12T02:16:00.002-07:00

I feel like shit. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who to talk to. Les is busy, I don't wanna disturb him. Everyone else has no clue of what's happening, and I really don't wanna explain it again. I feel like crying. I can't even find the words to describe what I'm feeling. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. I don't understand why I even cried last night. Do I really hate Canada that much? I can't comprehend why I cried. I don't know at all. I have no explanation. This is total crap. I don't even want to leave anymore. I can't seem to be able to bring myself to pack my things and leave next Friday. Lord, please help me. I don't seem to be able to do this on my own.

Damn it!

2009-08-12T00:28:00.003-07:00

I feel so stupid! I feel like and idiot! Argh! I can't believe that I was stupid enough to email them about such important stuff. Damn. Why does Les always have to be right? But I still love him. I really need to thank him for talking to me at 4am. He's a great guy. I'm gonna miss him so much.
--------------------------------------
9 days, but I don't know if I can make it. I want to run away, away from all these problems.

After 2 years...

2009-08-11T11:13:00.002-07:00

...I've finally made up my mind. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here. I don't care if I'm going to be 3 years behind my friends. I just want to stay here. I'm willing to give up my chance of Montreal band trip, for my life back here. Even if it means having to go through art, I don't care. All I can say is that I don't want to go back anymore. Sure, there's a small part of me that says go back, but if I really wanted to go back, I wouldn't be crying so much right now. But I don't know how to tell them! Can I not go back? I really don't want to leave. Lord, please help me.

I can't believe...

2009-08-10T10:43:00.002-07:00

...I have less than 2 weeks left here! Damn la. You know, if I had one wish, I wish that all my problems would be solved. If I had 3 wishes, my other two would be that I would be able to merge both my worlds together, and the last would be that I could have my whole family with my now. I just feel like crying. I have 10 days left. I'm just glad that our problem has been solved. I hope we won't let each other down again.
-----------------------------------
I think I like you...but I'm leaving.

I got my hopes up, and I hope they won't fall again.

2009-08-10T09:29:00.002-07:00

Ok, so I was actually just reading Val's blog, and I realised that yesterday was the first time I went for mass alone with her in my entire life! She's really starting to become a great big sis! I've loving her more and more!!! =D

So today, I talked to her, and it went better than I talked. It was a little hard to trust her, but then she swore that she would be honest about every single thing we talked about. I'm really glad about that. I hope she was honest, but there was one thing I forgot to ask. I guess I'll have to ask her tomorrow, but it seems much easier to ask her stuff now. =) I'm glad I talked to her.

Then, we net Ashton and went for lunch at some jap place near the Cathay. Ryan met us there later. Then we had 3 hours before our 5.30pm 'Up' movie. We ended up going to B&J's and shared a 3-scoop ice cream. Then went up to the entrance around 4.30? Around there. Stoned for quite a while. Finally went in at 5.30pm. Great movie, I swear. Then after the movie, we went to the kopitiam at PS for dinner. Amanda and I shared this Thai noodles thing. Didn't really like it though. Ya, then from there, we went back to Toa Payoh. Initially, I went because I didn't want to go home, so I thought of walking Amanda back with Ryan, but ended up Les asked me to meet him.

So, guess where I went with Les. To watch 'Up'! HAHA. It's such a great movie that within 2.5hrs of the movie ending, I went to watch it again! Heehee. Went for the 9.30pm show at Eng Wah at TPC. Haha. Then, the show ended at around 11.05pm. Took 155 from interchange home.

Was supposed to buy bread, but by the time I got to 7-11, there was no more bread. -.- Ya. So I left the house at 11am, and I got back at 11.45pm. The longest day out that I recall. Haha. And best part was that when I came back, Val was home! She actually stayed home studying! Haha. Ok, I should go sleep, but first, must watch yu le bai fen bai. =D

SLEEPING!

2009-08-08T21:53:00.002-07:00

Ok, I'm falling asleep! I slept at like, 3am this morning, and I got up at 8am. HAHA 5hrs of sleep isn't enough for me! So yesterday, I had TWO birthday cakes. One for Mama's 80th that was on Friday, and the other for Uncle Augustine's 55th on Tuesday.

So, in the morning, Gab and I went to Din Tai Fung to buy Xiao Long Bao for lunch. Godma bought other dim sum stuff from else where. Then had to collect cake from Prima Deli. Came home, ate lunch, then ya. Cut cake after that. Then got ready to go to Aunty Florance's house.

We were supposed to leave at 5.30, ended up leaving at 6.50. Haha. When we were walking from the station to the house, Vanessa called asking where we were, so we thought we were late. Haha. Then I started walking faster and faster, and it was freaking hot! Then when we went there, we ended up the first there -.- Aunty Linda's family had to take bus because Uncle Hilary couldn't get home in time to fetch them. Then after the catered dinner, we played guitar hero on the Wii. After we played guitar hero, cut cake. Damn super duper nice cake! Ya, then Cel, Val, M&M played Waving Rabbits. Damn funny to watch! Ya, then Gab was saying it was late, so we had to go.

This morning, went for 9.45 mass at Risen Christ. Went for the YC canteen after mass with Val. The food wasn't bad. Then I had to talk to Les. Quite an interesting talk. Then I didn't want to go home, because Yeye is in a VERY naggy mood today. Surprisingly, I ended up just going straight home, and not to J8. HAHA. Ya. Then when I came back, I was supposed to let Gab sleep in the afternoon. You know what happened? I ended up sleeping at 2pm until 5pm -.- So ya, in between writing this post, I fell fast asleep -.- I came home so early for nothing! Haha. Ok, now I'm bored.

Talking to her tomorrow! I don't know what to say...but then we're going out after that. I hope all goes well :S Ok, I'm going to watch 'Up' with them tomorrow. Anyway, I shall go off. Bye!

I ended up not bored...

2009-08-07T10:25:00.002-07:00

HAHA ok, so ya. I ended up not bored today. I was supposed to watch 'Up' with Gab & friends, but there were no tickets left, so they went for a 4.20 show instead, but I had to meet Verns for dinner, so I decided against watching. I ended up going to More Than Words. Bought this small fan that can connect as a USB. Will be super useful in Canada! I don't have a fan there. Haha. Oh, and I bought this hp holder. The red-capped mushroom one.

I went home to put stuff down, and walked to Verns house and met her. Then, we went to ION and met Val and Seb at Dunkin' Doughnuts. Didn't really do much with them. Ended up leaving them after like, 10mins la. Then we went to TPC, because Verns wanted Pasta Mania, but she didn't know it closed down. We ended up eating at Fork & Spoon there. Then we bought milk tea from KOI Cafe. Damn nice la! And the pearls were super chewy and small. Then wanted Famous Amos at first, but as we were walking there, Verns suddenly didn't feel like having it. So ya. Then walked to church for session. Cam-whored a bit before session. Session was by Fel, talked about our doubts of our faith that we had. Played some weird game.

After session, went to Mac's as usual. Then went to Chomp Chomp with APY, Les, Shawn, Fiona, and Gilbert. Then we had to squeeze on the way home. Gilbert dropped us of in this order: Shawn, APY, Les, me, Fiona. Had a nice long car ride. Haha. Left Chomp Chomp at around 12.20, only got home at 1. I love Gilbert's car! But it's so big, that it took so long to parallel park, because the lot was quite small. Haha. Ya. Now I'm bored, because Les isn't talking to me -.-

BORED!

2009-08-06T19:57:00.002-07:00

Ok, so yesterday, I went to Frolick with Verns BEFORE dinner. Haha. Cam-whored a little. Then we went over to Mac's at TPC, and we decided to meet Les for "dinner". Haha. Because Verns didn't know if he was still angry at her or something, so I said I was alone, and then he didn't even care when he saw Verns. He wasn't even angry anymore la. Ya, but then he had to go for meeting at 8pm, and he met us at 7.30pm -.-

So then after that, we were leaving church to go home, and on the way to the bus stop, I saw Ryan and Amanda walking towards church, but I don't think they saw me. Then I saw a rat, and I distracted Verns by saying 'Eh, got a rat over there.' Then she saw and started saying she wanted one. Then I said, 'Eh, I don't think you should do that la.' because she was like, squatting and looking at the rat, but I was thinking more of a we saw it, said something laughed, ignored them. Instead, they saw us, we said hi, Ryan hugged both of us, she did absolutely nothing. She didn't even talk. It was really weird la.

Ya, I shall not continue about that. So anyway, Verns came over and we cam-whored. Actually, she did. I just took a couple of photos with her. Haha. But then she had to go home, so I walked her home. Yeah. That was yesterday.

Oh, and last night, I watched this show on Channel U about celebrity volunteers from Taiwan and Singapore going to third-world countries to help them. I really think that everyone should watch that show. It really opened up my eyes. Like, ya, I was aware of all the poverty and stuff, but I didn't know the poverty was that bad. Ok, actually I did, but for some reason, it still really touched me. I wanna go over and help them. I actually want to go and help Gawad Kalinga. =/ I like how a lot of people go in hopes of bringing joy to the lives of the people there, but a lot of times, it's the people who live there that bring joy to the volunteers. Like they say, 'Come as a visitor, leave as a friend.'

Today, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO! Verns doesn't even know if she can have dinner with me. =( At least there's session tonight! I love session! Haha. Although I was late with Verns last week...for my sister's session!!!

P.S. Val, Verns is in love with Seb 's camera. HAHA.

Tired...

2009-08-04T23:55:00.002-07:00

Ok, so Yeye was just complaining about discomfort and stuff, and his hands kept fidgiting! I was actually scared, and I really didn't know what to do at all. At least Gab knows, because it's happened before apparently, and he's now at the hospital with Godma and Gab.

Last night was one of those nights that I found even more reason to love my sister! I was telling her about my problems, and she very willingly listened to me just talk on and on? I'm so glad to have her! The best part was that when her friend called her, she said that she wasn't free to talk to them because she was busy! She actually gave up talking to her friend just to talk to me! LOVE YOU VAL! =D Thanks for being there for me. I think you're right. I really should talk to her =/

Thanks Gab for going to the hospital with him! You know, you're the best too, because everytime I don't want to go to the doctor's with Yeye because I already planned something, that could so easily be moved, you always agree to go, even though you already have to go so often when I'm not around. Sorry!

Ok, I think Les is trying to either ignoring my question, or anything related to Vern. Haha. Oops. Anyway, I need to talk to him! Argh! He totally ignored my smses last night la! Even though they didn't concern Vern at all.

Anyway, I'm going to watch SingDollars tonight with Cel and family. YAY! Haha. Oh, and I talked to mom over the phone for the first time since I came back. HAHA. All because of Yeye. And we ended up talking for at least 30mins. Could have been an hour. Shan't elaborate on that. Too lazy right now. Ok, I've got to go off, need to talk to Les already. BYE!
-----------------------------------
If you're reading this, I really need to talk to you. I've made the decision of risking the friendship to speak my mind, and also to help you out. I hope it works out for the best, and not just works out like she said it would. =/

Lunch!

2009-08-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I actually had lunch with Violet and Cass at Mac's @ TPC today. Haha. Finally met up with Violet a month after I reach! Like, wth right? Ya, and I was reminded about how idiotic they are. Super happy to meet with them, and I'm glad, because we had a lot a lot of fun today.

Ok, so I was just talking to Val, and we're having a lot of trouble on what we should do to help Lyn. We were trying to think of the ways to reduce how much she has to wake up at night, but we can't think of anything. This is going to make it even hearder for me to leave. Oh heck, I don't feel like talking about it anymore. Goodnight!

Spoilt brat.

2009-08-02T18:57:00.002-07:00

OMG OMG OMG!!! You know, last night my cousin slept over with my Godma, and she kept tossing and turning so much that although I wasn't even on the bed with her, I was getting very annoyed! ARGH! Then, in the middle of the night, she was complaining it was hot, so I nicely turned the air-con on. Then comes the worst. She loudly declares that she can't sleep because she's hot, and she will never ever sleep over again. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea that she doesn't want to stay over anymore, but the way she was saying it, I took offence. Like, is there something wrong with our house? And if you don't like it, too bad, deal with it! HAH! But I'm glad she doesn't want to stay anymore! I hope she doesn't stay anymore. She's an annoying, irritating, spoilt, unreasonable brat! Thankfully, she's gone out! YAY!!!
----------------------------------------
I'm still holding on to the small glimmer of hope that just re-entered my life. Please don't let me down again.

Gotta go my own way

2009-08-01T09:34:00.003-07:00

I've realised that there's no other easier way for me to express my feelings if not for this song. I especially want to dedicate it to you.

Gotta Go My Own Way - HSM2

I gotta say what’s on my mind
Something about us doesn’t seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try
Somehow the plan is always rearranged
It’s so hard to say
But I gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don’t wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another colour turns to grey
And it’s just too hard
To watch it all slowly fade away
I’m leavin’ today
’Cause I gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

What about us?
What about everything we’ve been through?

What about trust?

You know I never wanted to hurt you

What about me?

What am I supposed to do…

I gotta leave but I’ll miss you

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

I've always wanted to say it, and it's slowly becoming easier. I want to leave it all behind, but it's hard. Obviously, I don't belong here anymore. I'm just a stranger to you right? Consedering how much lies you've told me. Thanks for helping me realise that everything is definitely not as great as it always seems. There is always bound to be a flaw, because nothing is perfect, only God is. I don't want to give up just as yet, but you're just making it harder for me to hold on, because I'm losing grip of this, and if you don't catch it in time, I'll be gone.

Farewell

2009-07-31T09:41:00.002-07:00

Quite obviously, you take me as nothing. I checked with her, and apparently, whatever you've been telling me are all lies, and straight to my face? How much worse can it get? All I actually want is for you to realise your mistake. You betrayed my trust that I put in you through six years of friendship. I don't know if I can forgive you, but I'll really try, and I'm willing to help you get on the right track, if you want to accept my help. All I need of you is to admit that you've made up lies all this while, to admit that you've betrayed my trust, and I will help in whatever way I can.

We're all trying to help you, but why are you declining our help? You've not only lied to me, but you've even lied to him, after you confided in him so much, even more than you confided in me. Are you aware that the more you do this, the more you're just hurting yourself? I didn't think that I'll have to end this friendship when I came back. I thought that our problems were going to be solved. I had so many hopes, but you just crushed ALL of them. Like they say, expect the worst, hope for the best. Somehow, even when I expect the worst, I still end up being hurt when it actually arrives.

I'm sure you're aware that I confide in him. I also think that you know that whatever you say to me, I tell her because I need to confirm if that's true. What EVERYONE is saying about you is the total opposite of what you're telling me. Why? You know that it just makes it harder for me? I have to choose between believing a friend that I've trusted for the past 6 years, or the majority of your ex-close friends who are saying totally different things from you. It's a hard choice, but I've chosen the latter. I think it's better for both of us. I'm sorry, but I don't have trust in you anymore. It's just too painful for me.

I need to talk to you, but I never have the courage. I'm sorry, but you're not a friend of mine anymore. I hope you enjoy your life. I'll still be in your life as a peer, but not as a friend. Farewell.

But somehow, I can never dislike you at all. I can't even ignore you. I still treat you as a really good friend, even when I think about what you did to me. I just learnt that I'm far less mean that I thought I was. I'm not even as strong as I appear to be. Why? This just really sucks for me. It's hard to even say goodbye.

I get my hopes up...

2009-07-29T04:15:00.002-07:00

...and I watch them fall, everytime.
-----------------------------------------------
I've just talked to him, and I've realised one thing: you've been lying to me this whole time. I don't know when it started, but I hope that it's going to stop now. You tried to come up with excuses. I was blind, until today. I talked to him and realised that what you said made absolutely no sense. At least, it never explained any of your actions at all. I only accepted it because I really thought you wouldn't betray my trust. Why did you have to do that? You said that you'd rather someone just criticise you straight to your face, but the way you deal with things, I don't think you'd be able to handle it. Even he thinks so too. I tricked myself into thinking that you weren't lying. Yes, I doubted, but I still believed it.

When I talked to him today, I realised, I was just in denial, like you are now. I'm sorry, but I'm really giving up on this. When I was talking to him, he said that this was tiring. I don't believe that he was of no help, but he was a total help to me. He made me feel much better, but even he admits that this is a lot that I'm going through right now. He said that this isn't easy for me, especially between someone whom I've known for the past 6 years, but isn't trusted as much by him, and someone whom I just met, but even he says is very loyal and trustworthy. I'm really tired, but I don't want to give up just as yet. I haven't done my best, but I'm hurting a lot on the inside. Why? Maybe it's just because you've been deceiving me for the past 3 years. Maybe it's just because I'm weak. Maybe it's just because I don't want to accept reality. I'm about to let go and say farewell, but I don't know if I should say see you later.

Thinking...

2009-07-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot this morning. I started thinking about how I just wanted someone here to just give me a hug. I want someone to understand what I'm feeling and to explain it to me, because I'm clueless, but I don't have the energy the explain it to anyone. It just really sucks to have so much time on hand, and have so many problems that you can never solve. Why is it that I always think so much when I have nothing else to do?

I started thinking about how mama is the one who's suffering the most. She's the one with cancer, and she's also slowly becoming paralysed. Why her? When I first saw her in so much pain, I couldn't sleep, even at 4am. But now, I'm just glad that she's still here with us. Sometimes, I just wished that He would take her out of her pain, but I don't want to lose her either. Is it possible for her to be with us without the pain?

The other thing I started thinking about was how yeye is honestly very very troublesome. He always thinks that something is wrong with him, even though nothing is. Old age is irritating. I hope I don't become like that la. Anyway, Gab and I brought him to doctor's because of stiff neck! Of all things la! Anyway, it's over, and it's something we have to deal with. I'm actually glad that I don't have to live with it. I honestly feel sorry for Val and Gab la.

The last thing that I was thinking about was the misunderstanding. I'm glad that we talked it out today. Thanks for bringing it up first. I was actually very scared when you said we had to talk, but I'm glad that we did. I love you! Thanks for explaining it, but know, I don't know what to say to her already. How? Anyway, glad that our friendship is better than I can remember. =)

Les, thanks for yesterday's Starbucks! I guess I actually had the courage in me to talk about it. Thanks for agreeing to talk to her even though you ended up not having to. Haha.

100th post!

2009-07-26T09:14:00.002-07:00

I'm finally at my 100th post! Haha. After 3 or 4 year! I'm a super slow updater la.

Anyway, thanks Les, although I bet you don't even read this. Haha. THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE AND OUT OF MY BOREDOM!!! And I learnt stuff I never knew about you today. HAHA. Didn't know you studied in Brisbane. I just realised, I don't know how old you are man! And I'm gonna thank you in advance for talking to her. I hope you do :X I don't know what to say to her la, and I don't think I'll know how to talk to her about it. Honestly, I actually disapprove of how she's going through her relationships, but what right do I have to tell her that? And thanks for listening so much yesterday. I just realised that I was mostly the one talking last night. HAHA.

Finally went to Ion at Orchard today with Les. It's actually nothing much la. Quite a lot of branded stuff. Like Crumpler, Loius Vuiton, and all those. Haha. The only thing I bought there was an Iced Caffe Mocha, and I didn't even pay for that...Les treated me. HAHA. I was going to pay him back, but he said never mind. THANK YOU! Saved me my money. xD Ok, I should actually go shower...BYE!

I'm sorry.

2009-07-24T09:15:00.003-07:00

I'm sorry, I'm pissed at you. V, thanks for listening to me ramble so much today.

K, I'm sorry, but ever since I came back, you've just been pissing me off. On the day I came back, you already betrayed me. Worse off, you betrayed your parents' and grandmother's trust by using my name. You told them you were going out with me, but you were just out with R. Why? Then you said that we'll meet, just the two of us. I wanted to solve our problem, but no, you just had to tell me when I was at your house that R and A were coming along too. You know, if you had told me that earlier, I wouldn't have gone? You made me feel left out that day. From then on, I knew, I didn't have the same place in your life that you did in mine. When you started having boyfriends, you never told me. You complain to others that you feel lonely, but why is it that when I ask you:'Are you ok?' you always said 'Yup, I'm fine.' I always told you that I'll always be here for you, no matter what. But you never bothered to tell me, so I think I'll take that back. I really don't want to end this, but after today, I don't know anymore.

Today, during dinner, R and you asked me to skip session and go along. R said the more the merrier. I thought he really meant it. When we get there, you, R, and A were walking in front and talking, while V and I were a far way behind, and we felt really left out. Then when V and I went to the toilet, you guys just left us, never saying where you were going. Why? You know that we really felt like just going home? Then, at B&J, we were left out AGAIN, although we were right in front of your face. You know I felt really hurt? R, A, I'm sorry, but the two of you like to pretend to be very close to me, but I've only met you guys once before this. I'm actually not that bothered about this. All that's really hurting me is that K, I tried to tell you my problems today, but you weren't even listening!

V and I agreed, we always try to reach out to you, but you ALWAYS ALWAYS reject it. Then you complain that you're lonely. The worst part is that I'm hearing all your problems from others, but NEVER EVER has it been from you. And you still have the cheek to call me your BFF? You said you wanted to solve the problem, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS! You know how much I'm hurting while I tell you all this? And I don't want to let go, but it's tiring to try and save this friendship all on my own. Eventually, I'll let go, even though I don't want to. I can't hold on forever. When I get tired, I'll let go, I'll be sad, but I know this: I won't ever regret it, because I tried my best before letting go. You're just an attention seeker, whether you know it or not, and I really want to tell you this, but how can I meet up with you alone? If I tell you over the phone, it won't be sincere enough, if I tell you I want to meet you, I know that you'll ask R and A along, and I can't do this in front of them. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME? I'm sorry, but for now, you're not a bff to me anymore. Unless we work out whatever the problem seems to be before I go back, I don't see how we're supposed to continue our friendship without drifting anymore.

I've just realised.

2009-07-19T05:45:00.002-07:00

Ok, I just went for Fran's mom's wake, and I saw how strong she was. She showed me that even though you may be going through a tough time, nothing is too tough to overcome, even the loss of a loved one. I have problems smaller than hers, and yet, I seem to lack that strength. I couldn't bear to look at her mom after a few seconds, because I saw how sweet her mom looked, and to think that she has moved on at such a young age. Even her younger siblings are stronger than me. They lost a mother, yet, only 36hrs after her passing, they were able to still smile. Fran was telling me how scared she was when her brother didn't show any emotions when they were watching their mother during her last hour. I think that if Fran could go through all that, I can definitely go through what I'm going through with the strenght Fran has. I'll at least try to be more of an optimist.

Results...

2009-07-17T12:18:00.002-07:00

So, Mama went for an MRI on Tuesday, and the results came out yesterday. It's either surgery, or slowly become paralysed, but still feel the pain. Here's the story:

Mama started to have very bad pain in her right leg, so we made an appointment for her to see the doctor. He examined her and everything, and figured, based on her previous X-rays, that her spine was crooked and was pressing against her nerves. The other scenario would be that the cancer cells has spread there, and was causing pain. Thankfully, it wasn't the cancer, but it was choosing between paralysis, or surgery.

So ya, that's basically what's happening, and she still hasn't chosen, but I think she doesn't want surgery. It's a high risk because of her old age, and also that there's no guarantee that it's gonna be fixed. What's happening is that one section of her spine has collasped, and it's pressing against her nerves, causing her a lot of sudden pain. She can't even walk to the toilet anymore, and has to use the wheelchair to get around. So I think that she's just gonna get paralysed eventually, but she'll still feel the pain. Even just a few minutes ago, she wanted to go to the toilet, but after I brought her there, she couldn't get up, and then had a sudden pain up her leg. I could see she was trying her best to bear it, but it showed a lot of pain on her face, and I didn't know what to do. Apparently, there's absolutely nothing you can do, except for the surgery, and during which, we might lose her. So I think that she's being placed in a very difficult position.

If you had to choose, would you give up the ability to walk and still be in pain for life? Or would you rather risk your life and not feel the pain? And when I say risk your life, it's not even a 50/50 chance of living. It's more a 30/70 thing. I can't stand to see her like this, but there's nothing I can do. I feel very sorry for her, but like I said, nothing can be done to help her right now.
--------------------------------------
Lord, please help Mama through this difficult time. Lord God, I pray that you help decrease her pain, and let her live as comfortably as possible. Loving God, I really hope that she doesn't have to suffer from this, and at the same time, stay with us. God, all that I really want to ask is that she doesn't have to suffer, even if she has to leave us. Amen.

If you're a little slow...

2009-07-15T22:07:00.002-07:00

Ok, if you happen to be one of the slow ones, or if you just weren't at school today, I'M BACK IN SINGAPORE! Ok, here's the list of people that I never saw:

RACHEL OH!!!
Joy! but i already saw you on wednesday.
VIOLET!!!
CLARA TEEEEEEEE!!!! wasted your time in class...aiyo.
SHERMAINE LER! that would have been the first time i talk to you in person leh!
LIZZI! never wished you a happy birthday la. sorry!
and i'm sure there a more that i just can't seem to think of right now.

Ok, actually I really want to go out, but quite troublesome la. Mama has to move around in a wheelchair now, so I've got to help her out there. And I don't have many places to go already. I've shopped at Bugis Street/Junction, Far East, Bras Basah (had to check eyes), Raffles Place, J8, TPC. Any where you can suggest? I still have to go to Novena.

Houses I need to go to:
Cass!
AY! i need to go a few more times for sure! haha.
Joy! got no excuse to not go. just across the street. haha.
JOAN!
CLARICE!
CLARA TEEEEEEE!

Ok, I've got to go off and help Mama. BYE!

Btw, I've already gone to:
Night Safari - Thu
Sentosa - Fri
Tree top walk - Sat
Tepenyaki @ Goodwood Park - Sun

All within last week. Haha. While most of you thought I was back in Canada.

Why?

2009-07-14T03:22:00.002-07:00

Ok, you've used me as an excuse once, why are you doing it again? You told them that you were going out with me, but in actual fact, you weren't. You're betraying their trust in you, and you're just showing me that I'm just someone that you use, not a true friend. WE agreed to help solve our problem, but WE don't seem to be doing anything. Not even myself. Now I see why it's so hard to get over friendship problems. It's not as easy as it seems.

I always thought that it was because of the physical distance, but even now, it's still the same, maybe even worse. I was going to talk to you, but then I could never find the courage to tell you. Why? Why am I so afraid to tell you? I guess I just really don't want to take the risk of having to let go of this friendship, even if holding on means that I'll constantly be suffering. Maybe even you'll be suffering. But for some reason, both of us don't want to do anything.

God, please help us get through this tough time, and maybe give either one of us, or both of us, the courage to speak up, to help save this friendship. I really don't want to lose her as a friend, and I don't think she really want to lose me either. If not, she wouldn't even have contacted me. Amen.

Haven't posted for a long time...

2009-05-18T16:12:00.002-07:00

Ok. I don't remember when the last time I posted was so yeah. But I'm still keeping track of the record number of weekends that I spent with my Godma's family. I think it was the first weekend of May? Yeah. Probably. Ok, so then at that time, my record was 4 weekends. Now, it's 6 weekends. Last week, we went to Othello Tunnels in Hope, and Hell's Gate in Yale. Was fun. Then yesterday, we watched 17 Again, courtesy of Ashley. It was more of a comedy than anything else if you ask me.

So, today's Victoria Day, and I'm at Godma's house, but I'm still bored. Haha. I'm currently supposed to be working on my essay that either shows Napolean as a tyrant, or a hero. I didn't exactly remember to bring my Socials textbook home, so I'm not exactly working on it. Yeah. I should actually start, since it's going to be due while I'm gone, and I won't have much time to work on it during the trip either. I've got to remember to collect all my homework for next week before I leave too! So much to do, yet so little time that I assign to it. Although I really have a lot of time. I need to remember about getting service hours for PE too! Oh crap!

I can't wait! Thursday is the Kiwanis for SCB, then Friday is Music Night. Saturday, we're leaving for Montreal! Haha. I'm finally going to Niagra Falls!!! But when I come back, it's going to be the last 2 weeks of school, and I'm totally not prepared for exams. Haha. I feel like typing in Chinese for some reason.

我好期待这个周末！可以去Montreal了！
------------------------------------------
我还在等你的回答。你是真的忘了吗？还是不想回答？我会等着。永远的等着。请你保重！

I was amazed, but now I'm not.

2009-05-04T23:11:00.003-07:00

I really don't know you do I? You seem to have forgotten about the email. Have you really? Or are you just avoiding it? Why is it so hard to face it? I'm just hoping it's because of your exams that you don't have the time to reply. But then again, you spend so much time online that you can create a quiz, and do multiple others. Why is it that you have the time for all that, but you never have the time to improve our friendship? Why is it that you've stopped talking to me again? Am I just holding on to a rope that ends before I even see the ground? Am I just not letting go because I don't want to get hurt, but at the same time hurting myself more? I don't even know if you're reading this. If you are, please stop giving me false hope. I really want to improve it, but if you don't want to, I don't know what to do. I can't seem to let go. If only I never left. I really miss you a lot. Can we at least try to work it out? I don't want to let go without trying and regret it later. I won't feel great, but at least I'll feel better if I let go only after we tried to talk it out and tried to improve it. Please don't give me any false hope. I'll feel stupid.

My busy life.

2009-05-03T20:24:00.004-07:00

I just realised that I spend almost every single weekend out with Godma's family.
11th April - Shopping in Seattle/Sightseeing
12th April - Easter Lunch/Looking at Houses
18th April - Cooking Kueh Pie-tee Shells
19th April - International Brunch/Flower Nursery
25th April - Shopping with Chelsea for Presents
26th April - Tulip Festival @ Skagit/Mt St Helen's
3rd May - Tulip Festival @ Agassiz/Harrison Hot Springs/Fort Langley

LOL! I have not spent the weekend home for 5 weekends in a row. On 2nd - 5th April, I was in Seattle with the Band.

I don't have time for myself much either.
Monday - Choir after school.
Tuesday - Jazz Band before school. Bible study at night.
Wednesday - Jazz Choir after school. Stay in school till night to teach PREP.
Thursday - Jazz Choir before school during festival time. Jazz Band after school.

Yeah. My busy life. You can just look at my photos on Facebook to see my trips and stuff. I don't want to post really long posts. I'm too lazy to do it. Haha.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that you're distancing yourself from me again? I can't tell anymore. I sent it to you, you read it, but never replied, claiming to have no time, but you had the time to do all those things. You know I miss you and how I feel about this, so why won't you reply? It really bothers me, because I think you don't want to improve it with me.

You'll find some soon.

2009-04-25T15:26:00.003-07:00

All of you are now going through what I went through when I left. Now you guys are really wondering who's really there for you, and who's just there because of what you have to give them. I'm sorry, I'm not there. I know how it feels. It really sucks to feel alone, to not know who to trust. Honestly, I still don't know either, but the feeling will pass. Eventually, you learn to trust yourself, and hopefully another few whom you can confide in. I'm still trying to find my few after two years, you guys will find yours soon too. Don't give up k? I miss you guys. We're at a stage that we're drifting from our friends from primary school, but we shouldn't, because those were the friends who've seen you grow up and change. They were the ones who you used to depend on, and they know how you like to be treated. They are the ones we should trust, even if it means that we have to spend more time to understand them to put our trust in them. I know it's hard, but we should really not just forget about them. I hope you'll all find your true friends.
----------------------------------------------------
I'm still waiting for your reply. I don't know if you've read it and want to cut me off, or if you just haven't read it. Please say it's the second one, and that you want to improve it too. I really miss you and I'm worried. I'm scared that I ruined it, but I really had to tell you. It's how I've felt since I've learnt what true friendship meant.

I'm sorry.

2009-04-24T21:06:00.002-07:00

Girl, I'm sorry you feel that way, the way I feel too. It sucks doesn't it? We call ourselves bffs, but we don't open up to each other. How is this supposed to work if you won't tell me you problems, and I feel like I can't tell you mine? We need to talk, and we need to do it soon. Please don't block me out from your life. You type out what you truly feel, but you act and speak the opposite. I do the same, I know how you feel. I really hope that all will be fine. I really need to talk to you so badly, but I don't know how. I guess I keep hoping that you'll read my blog someday, not just me reading yours, and I hope that it's someday soon. I miss you, real bad. Don't you know that when I read about how you don't know who to trust, I know exactly how you feel, and that I really hoped that you didn't feel that way? I really want to understand you more. I don't even know what you like or or dislike. I don't even know which singer you like to listen to, not even the language. I really want to get to know you better. Is it possible? Or do I just have a false hope within me? I really hope it's possible. I miss you a lot.

My really tiring weekend.

2009-04-20T22:13:00.002-07:00

Ok, so on Saturday, I had to go church and help set up the stuff for the Internation Brunch on Sunday. Then we realised that we needed more kueh pie-tee shells. So I had to stay over at Godma's that night and we had to fry the shells. We had to go over to Gu ma's house first to celebrate Nick's birthday. Then we got back at 10pm and started to fry the stuff. By the time we fried the 200++ shells, it was already 1am and we had to leave at 7.45am to prepare for the brunch. Btw, you could only do one shell at a time, cos you have to heat the mould in oil, then dab dry, then dip in the batter, then dip in the oil to deep fry, then loosen the shell off the mould, fry a while more, slide it off when it starts to harden and keep it's shape and leave it in the oil to continue cooking, then dip in batter, and it continues that way. Super tiring. At first I thought the mould was so light. Then after 2 hours of dipping and frying, my hand super pain sia. It was red and shaking and I had to take a break la.

Sunday was get up at 6.30am after sleeping at 1.15am to shower day. Then all of us went to start preparing cos it started at 9am. Then, Chelsea was just supposed to go for brunch only, but she ended up staying for the whole thing la. So much for wanting to go home and study. Then after it ended at 1pm, we went home, and we rested a while. Then Godma came to pick us up and we went to Huckleberry (a nursery in South Surrey). Bought even more plants for the house. Then, we got home, had dinner, and stuff like that.

Today, after I got up, ate breakfast and lunch, did homework and stuff, then at around 2pm, went to the track at school with mom to run. Wa liao, I'm super slow la! I took around 13 mins just to run/walk 1.6 man. Then, I intended on baking cupcakes, but I didn't have the pan. So walked to Godma's to pick it up, and stopped at Tim Horton's and McGavin's on the way. Then after we walked back, I started baking. Got back around 4.45pm and started baking around 5.15pm. Finished preparing around 6.20pm cos I'm slow that way. It's supposed to take around 30 mins but I took around an hour. Then dinner at Godma's was supposed to be around 7pm so I went to bathe and mom was like 'I'm going to cook and shower first.' Then I told her we had no time, but she just won't believe me la. So after I finished showering, it was already 7pm and we were already late, but I found mom still cooking la. Then she said wait, I have to shower first. I wanted to spazz at her lor, but I decided to not waste my energy because we had to walk to Godma's. Then after her shower, we started walking there. We usually take around 20-25 mins to get there, but we were so late and rushing that we got there in around 15mins. Dinner was quite amusing. Some weird jokes and stuff. Watched dancing with the stars on tv, and we were watching Susan Boyle and Connie Talbot on youtube. Amazing voices! Those that send shivers up your spine and arms. Then we got home and I started my homework.

I should probably sleep, or I'll be late for Jazz band tomorrow morning, which I already will because mom has to send dad to work in Richmond before coming home to pick me up.

Very sian...

2009-04-17T16:21:00.002-07:00

I'm going to die la. I got 5As and 3 Bs for interim report cards and dad's going to kill me la. And I have to cook dinner again. That's why I'm super sian now.

It actually amazes me that I cook dinner so often, but I have not succeeded in frying an egg without burning the bottom, or if I don't burn the bottom, I cook the yolk to much, and I always want the liquid egg yolk. So yeah, I cooked yesterday too, and I had to just warm up the 'currypop egg' (as Popo and mom calls it) by adding water, dark and light soy sauce, salt, pepper, and sugar. Such a simple combination, yet my mind that can easily do Maths and Science can't figure out how to cook that. But yet, I can fry things perfectly fine. I bake fine too. I just can't cook anything that I have to let simmer in something. I fail at cooking things with sauce and gravy. Eggs are my weakness too. That's why when I go back home, I'm staying over at Uncle Hil's to learn to cook from Popo!

Ok, I swear, yesterday was a weird band class. Mr. Cabralda randomly brought up the fact that we talk too much during class and we have to play more. So then I was wondering why that sounded so familiar, then I realised that I typed that up while talking about Seattle. Then after that he was staring at me with a weird look on his face, like he knew something about me. So now I'm wondering if he knows about my blog. And this morning, he brought Timbits to jazz band! So postponing the practice wasn't too bad, and it was worth waking up early too. Then after school, I was walking towards the band room, and he started staring weirdly at me again, then suddenly asked what I got in band. Haha. Mr. Cabralda is super weird la.

Ya, so my conclusion of this is that Mr. Cabralda is my weirdest teacher, but he's my favourite la. He's very nice. There was one Saturday that we had a jazz band festival that lasted for the whole day, and when we went for dinner, he paid for all our drinks la, and there were around 20 of us, and some of us ordered a few drinks because we were there for about 2 hours or somewhere around that.

Oh, and the SCB is going to Banff next week. I want to go la! So sad, can't afford. You know, if I went, I'd be performing for senior band, jazz band, and concert choir! I'm doing so much music stuff this year. 3 bands and 2 choirs: Gr. 9 Band, Senior Concert Band, iJazz One, Extracurricular Choir, and Vocal Jazz 2. So yeah, I really want to go to Banff la, but I'm going Montreal already because of Tim's graduation at the end of May. Oh well, the worst is that I'm actually missing the Kiwanis for the Gr. 9 Band, the actual band that I'm supposed to be in. Ok, I should go do my homework. Busy weekend ahead! International Brunch @ St Matthew's Parish on Sunday @ 9am - 2pm!

Band Trip '09 - Seattle

2009-04-15T17:41:00.002-07:00

Ok, so I was at Seattle with the band from 2-5th April. I swear it was such a great trip la. I know this is super late la. It's very long over due already.

On Thursday, we left school after mass and we headed down. Then we stopped for a short break during tea time. Went to hotel and went to our rooms, put our stuff away. Then, we went for dinner and shopping at some mall close by that night. Didn't do much shopping there because I didn't really find much la. Then as we were walking around, Sarah and I spotted Mr. Cabralda at the Apple store. We weren't surprised at all la. It was really expected. Yeah. Then we went back hotel and room checks/lights out.

Friday, we went to the experience music program (EMP), sci-fi museum, and pacific science centre. EMP was honestly super boring la, besides a huge LED screen near the entrance. There was also a really super tall structure constructed of guitars. Super cool sia! Then we headed over the the sci-fi side. (They were connected.) It was a lot of stuff like Star Wars, Star Trek, and all those kind of sci-fi shows. Quite cool actually. Then we went for lunch near by. Sarah and I bought food from the food court and we ate on the stage in front of the space needle. Then we laid there, and we actually lay on the floor with my bag under my head, until we had to meet to go to science centre. Science centre was super nice! Haha. Look at my pictures on facebook. Saw naked mole rats, buterflies, and they were super pretty, and a lot of others that I'm too lazy to type. We watched an IMAX film too. Sat next to Mr. Cabralda because all of them won't, and honestly, I would have died of boredom if he didn't sit there. He kept making realy funny comments and after a while, he started yawning so much and was likely falling asleep that I started getting tired and yawning a lot too. I swear, yawning is really contagious la. Once you start, hard to stop. Ya, then we went to Buca di Beppo for dinner. Some Italian restaurant. Spaghetti quite nice there. Then went back to hotel, had a bit of free time, then we had dry rehearsals. We talked a lot more than actually practiced. But the same thing always happens with Mr. Cabralda la. Then after that was room checks and lights out.

Saturday was our performance day. I would say this was the lousiest day of the trip, but not because we had to do work. It was because of Saturday night, but I'll elaborate later. Saturday we had breakfast and immediately went to performance venue already. Then, Gr. 8 performed first. Like always, got the assignment to assess other bands la. But honestly, that assignment always helps me because I start thinking about how badly we play, although we may get good comments from judges, I always find the flaws of our school bands, but then I don't focus as much on that of the other schools' bands. I'm super biased la. Ok, so after we performed, we went to take a group photo, which has yet to be sent to us. Then after that we watched a few other bands perform and we went off for lunch and a little shopping. After shopping, we went back to the hotel and got changed for our cruise to the awards banquet. Headed to pier 55 near Pike market and got on the boat. Really nice view of Seattle from the sea la. Such a nice ride with great scenery lor. Then we reached Tillicum Village, a longhouse. The food wasn't too bad. Had a play/storytelling/acting/naration/whatever you want to call it about the history of the natives. Quite interesting actually. Then was the awards presentation. Mr. Cabralda actually looked a little worried when he went to collect our recording/adjudications la. Then he picked concert master & top student to go collect the prize, so Matthew and I had to go up. They called our band for a bronze. After we got it, I was really so close to tears la. I was really disappointed in us actually, and he wanted to take a picture, and it's on facebook, but it looks really weird. Then, the Gr. 8 got Bronze 3rd. (We got bronze 4th. 5 schools in the same category including us.) So we were quite disappointed la. Then after a while, I just started to tear and cry. Was really disappointed in us, because I knew we could do so much better. Yeah, so I honestly couldn't enjoy the boat ride back, although the view of Seattle at night from the sea was just breath-taking. It actually felt good to let my tears run down my face and get dried up by the wind. Then after that we went back to the hotel and slept. It was a super long day, and I still couldn't get over the fact that we did worse compared to the Gr. 8 band.

Sunday was the day of shopping at the outlets. Honestly, I just couldn't really cheer myself up that much and I didn't really shop much. Before the outlets, we headed to Christ the King Church for Palm Sunday mass after breakfast. The priest was really nice, but it was the long gospel mass and I don't really like it to be honest. Yeah, then after that was when we headed to the outlets. Went to the food court for lunch first, then walked around to shop, and I can't say there was nothing much to buy, because when I went back a week later, I bought stuff that was there the week before too, so it was just that I couldn't get into the mood. Mr. Cabralda moved to our bus for the trip back. Near the end of the trip, I felt bad for Mr. Cabralda, because he was trying to cheer me up, but I just couldn't really cheer up just as yet. He was trying to point out that I could take this as a learning point for Kiwanis and do better there, (which, by the way, I am not able to perform because I'll be at Tim's grad) and that I still had senior concert band. I only realised that on Monday, and then the guilt of him trying to cheer me up set in. If I were him, I'd feel sad because he really tried but couldn't do much. Now that I look back, Sierra and him comforted me a bit and I'm really greatful for that. Yeah. So then it was back to school on Monday.

Then the worst and, at the same time, best thing happened during band class. We were listening to the adjudications during class and looking at the judges written comments and found that one of the judges messed up the forms for the Gr. 8 and 9 band. So technically, we were the ones who got the 3rd place in the end. It helped to know that, but I think we still could have done better and gotten a silver, since our average was only 1 less than a silver. (Silver - 75, we got 74.) So yeah, that was more or less the band trip for me.

Oh! And on the way back, Mr. Cabralda and Ms. Aguiar asked if I missed my parents, (because I sat in front, sitting at the back causes motion sickness for me...) and I could only be honest and say no. I really didn't miss them. Then again, when they work nights, I don't really see them much, because after I get back from school, they're sleeping, or getting ready to go to work again. And I had to stay one week at gu-ma's house when mom was back home and dad hadn't come over yet. And then I've been on trips with Celeste's family and school trips before. So yeah, I can survive not seeing them for a long time. Even when mom went back for 2 months, I didn't really miss her much, I just missed her cooking la.

Ok, I went off topic liao. I shall end this super duper crazily long post la. Let you escape from my rambling of nonsense.

---------------------------------------------
I really hope 棒棒堂 will come to Vancouver leh.
Hopefully 飞轮海 will come again, this time all of them.
I can't believe I'm always missing the 台湾艺人 who go to Singapore to perform sia. Very sian leh.

Thanks

2009-03-05T21:20:00.002-08:00

Lord, thank you for everything.
Thank you for my friends.
Thank you for my family.
Thank you for my health.
Thank you for my studies.
Thank you for my luxury.
Thank you for my opportunities.
Thank you for my possessions.
Thank you for absolutely everything.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the memories. I know that both of you have a lot of pressure on you right now, but I really don't know what to do, and I'm leaving the decision up to you again. You were always the one who made the decisions. The one who wanted to come here. I know you're feeling guilt, but was it really necessary to just keep pushing me for an answer? It's hard for me too. In fact, I think that it's harder for me than for anyone else in the family.

Why is it that I had to be the one who lost the most, even though I'm the youngest? I lost my friends, I'm now loosing my relationship to my family, and now, I may lose even more of my friends? How much do you want to put me through? Isn't this enough? Yes, you were thinking about the family, but I think you forgot about me. You forgot that I'm the one who's giving up something that I find has a lot more worth than money. Something called relationships. I don't even talk to my siblings!

I don't have much to give up anymore. I've given up family, friends, and my studies. What else is left for me to give up? My freedom? Take it, for all I care. It's makes no difference because I don't have anyone to go out with anyway. You put me in a position that I have given up so much to the point that I only have my faith left, to the point that no matter where I choose, I lose almost everything. You put me in a position that I have to choose either my friends and family or my faith. What kind decision are you asking me to make? It was hard enough to move here and start new relationships. Now you want me to move back and start everything all over again for A SECOND TIME? Why do you put me thourgh so much?

给我力量

2008-12-29T19:01:00.003-08:00

I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
But we were never that close.
I don't know what to say.
I hope you still my friend.

想念長了翅膀他跟著我流浪
獨自背著行囊看著人來人往

躺在陌生的床眼睛沒辦法合上
想著這些年過了一關又一關

也許我太逞強
但是我無時無刻都在想你的臂彎

給我力量陪我闖蕩
也許我們都不講
把愛留在我的心上超越了太多夢想
時光匆忙不曾遺忘
隨時可以回頭看那些時光
你在身旁給我的溫暖

給我力量陪我闖蕩
也許我來不及講
你給的愛放在心上陪伴著每個夜晚
時光匆忙不曾遺忘
有天可以回頭看那些時光
你在身旁忘記了悲傷

Memories, growing wings, he is drifting with me.
Alone, carrying baggage, watching people coming and going.

Lying on a foreign bed, eyes cannot close.
Thinking of the problems I had to pass these years.

Maybe I am too stubborn,
But I am always thinking of being in your arms.

Give me strenght, be beside me exploring
Maybe we won't talk
But leave love on my heart, it is beyond too many dreams.
Time has gone by fast, I have never forgotten.
Anytime I can turn my head and look at those times
When you were beside me, the warmth you gave me.

Give me strength, be beside me exploring,
Maybe it is too late to say,
The love you gave, put on my heart, accompanies me each night.
Time goes by fast, I have never forgotten.
One day I can turn my head and see, those times.
You were at my side, and I forgot about sadness.

“给我力量。。。”
。。。面对我的烦恼。
我终于知道你的电话号码，可是我打电话给你，也是没回音。

“躺在陌生的床眼睛沒辦法合上
想著這些年過了一關又一關”
我现在住在陌生地方，每晚都想到你们，也想到我们家的问题和烦恼。
有些事我真的说不出来，可是我好像跟我好朋友说一下。
但她好像没兴趣听这些话。
我也不要逼他。

I can't seem to move on.
How am I suppose to continue on like this?
I'm always reading of how I have to accept it before I move on.
But I've accepted it, why am I not moving on?
I realise that I've been on the same topic ever since I left, maybe even before.
I keep saying I've accepted that you've changed and moved on, so why can't I?
I really want to move on, but I seem unable to.
Lord, help me, please.
It really hurts, but I can't seem to do anything.

I'm back...

2008-11-30T22:20:00.002-08:00

I haven't been blogging for a really long time now.
So, the main events that have occurred over this month that I never updated were the following:

1. Camp Heart
2. GM Place Centiniel Mass for the Archdiocese of Vancouver
3. Chan Centre Performance

1. Camp Heart
This was most probably the best camp I've ever been too, not saying that my other camps were not good, but this really made me realise things I should have realised a long time ago. That our God is a forgiving God and it takes a lot for us to be unforgiven by Him. Camp started on Friday, 7/11/08. Like most camps, it was more of a bonding time between groups and learning of the P&W Songs for camp. So it wasn't really much. Saturday was the day that changed my views of things. So Saturday was more of talks during the day and stuff. But the talk that really moved me was talk three, the one that was talking of how Jesus was present in our lives and helped us out during difficult times and I felt like I related to that a lot, especially because of what has been happening within the past year that was filled with a lot of sadness and trials. I kept crying because of my problems that I never ever shared with anyone before, but I finally found a true friend here, one who I knew since grade 8, but just got to know her better this year. It was amazing how I just trusted her so much even though I rarely talked to her last year, and I just started this year because we have so many more classes together and we're in choir together too. I'm not going to name anyone, but something in my told me to pour out my problems to her. I did exactly as I felt because I really couldn't hold it in anymore. I'm pretty sure she doesn't really understand what I'm going through, and she even said so herself, but the main point was that she was just listening to my problems, and when she didn't know what to say, she just gave me a nice big hug. There was another person who was with us, and she was my group leader for that camp.

I have never seen her at all before, but the same something in my told me to trust her with my problems. She didn't know what to say either, but she knew how it felt to have a split up family, but her's was a slightly different case. I knew that not one of my friends would fully understand what I'm going through, but I knew that they were there as my comfort. My request to God for a person or friend I could talk to about this problem was finally answered after 10 months.

Then after that, we had confessions and mass, dinner was after. Skipping ahead, we had this session of our group leaders praying over us for us to recieve the gifts of the Holy Spirit. This was the time that changed me. After we were prayed over individually, and during that I was crying for no reason, and I felt really happy, we were asked to go back and sit and say our own prayer. Then, out of the blue, someone started screaming because their body was rejecting the Holy Spirit that was trying to get it. It was kind of scary but I tried saying a prayer for that person on my own. Then I finally decided to join my friends and we were praying over them for a really long time. Then after they were fine, someone else started screaming and crying. I then felt really scared because I thought it was a sort of posession and Father Dave was called in to pray over and everyone was praying over them. Then the music ministry for camp started playing P&W songs. After everything was over, we gathers as one, and we sang a lot of the songs we learnt. When we were learning it, no one was singing, but that time, everyone was singing. I started to cry again when we were singing 'Have Your Way'. It was written by one of the YFC guys, and I felt it really related to the situation, because it was God's way of showing His presence and how powerful He really is. Just that one night changed my view of God's power, changed my view of how teenage Christians were never that strong believers, and I admit that before that night, I was never such a strong believer. It was the most memorable night for me in my life. Then we had a talent show after that, and then bed time. Sunday, I felt so scared because we were asked to write a letter to our parents containing things that we could never tell them but would really like to tell them. I had a very strong feeling that we would have to give it to them, because we had to give it to our group leaders for collection. Then true enough, our parents were all there, and I honestly didn't want to give my letter to them, at all. After that day, after they read the letter, I have not cried about missing my family anymore, and my parents never pushed me into choosing where I want to stay anymore. That was not only the most memorable camp, but the most memorable weekend for me too. I really hope to get another chance to go for a camp like that again.

I've got to go sleep now, so I'll elaborate on GM Place mass and Chan Centre Performance some other time.

I don't feel like I belong.

2008-10-25T00:56:00.002-07:00

去年，我刚来，我还是觉得我比较适合新加坡。
今年夏天，我回去，我好希望我还是比较适合新加坡。
可惜，我回家时，没有那样的感觉。
我会来这里时，我也觉得我不适合这里。
我在新加坡或加拿大也没差别。
两边都不适合。

我到底该讲实话还是说我觉得好兴奋才好呢？
连姐姐都回去了，那我该不该说我也要回去呢？
我回去，我也是会觉得好陌生。
我呆在这也没差别。
我也不知道怎么做了。

我好想哭，可是我哭也没用。
我好想大声地喊出来，可是喊也没用。
我好想做好多事，可是做这些事也没用。
为什么我做什么也没用的？

我问过自己：我为什么那么没用呢？
如果我不在，你们会不会开心点？
会不会觉得没那么烦呢？

我连看电视都让你生我的气，做功课也让你生我的气。
我做什么也让你生我的气。
我做什么都是没用，都让你生我的气。
如果是这样，那请告诉我该怎么做才会游泳，才不会让你生我的气。
我真的想不到办法。

你知道我多么想回去吗？
你知道我多么想念我朋友们吗？
你知道我心有多通吗？

可是我回去，我会觉得我是个陌生人。
我想念朋友们，她们都不记得我是谁了。
连我生日都没人祝我生日快乐。
我心多痛都没人发现。
我心痛我这里的朋友都没发现。
你们一直逼我回答，可是我自己也不知道怎么回答呢？

我真的不知道怎么做了。
如果我网路上没反应，请不要怪我。

Random partially

2008-10-11T21:36:00.002-07:00

It's been a week.
We're trying.
Really.
But we can't help missing you.
Thank you Lord for taking care of her.
I sorry I don't know you.

Random test from AYKM!
THE SELF
[01] Name: Natalie FYWL
[02] Nickname: Nat, Natnat, Nutella
[03] Married: Sorry but I'm 14 years - 9 days old.
[04] Zodiac Sign: Libra
[05] Gender: FEMALE.
[06] Age: *refer to #3*
[07] High School: CHIJTPSS/Holy Cross Regional High School
[08] College: Don't know. Yet.
[09] Height: 159? I don't care.
[10] Weight: Don't ask. But I'm working on it.
[11] Do you like yourself: What's not to like about myself?
[12] Piercings: One on each year.
[13] Right or left: Lefty xD
[14] Are you a freak: Maybe? xD
[15] Hair: Long, layered. Hopefully not thick anymore.
[16] Skin: Tanned yet not? I don't know.
[17] Allergic: Penicillin.
[18] What are you doing now: Watching 棒棒堂‘s 小巨蛋演唱会.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Shower? Maybe sleep?
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Never thought about that at all.

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: Both parents. I wish I was with my siblings.
[22] Siblings (included you): 1 elder sister, 2 older brothers.

THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: Nope.
[27] If yes, who is he/she: No-one.
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: 王子邱胜翊 but that's Kat's future husband. So he's off limits to me xD
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 0
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): No.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): No. I don't think so.
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Don't have one.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: Never did.
[34] Ever argue with your other half: *refer to 32*
[35] You with your other half since: *refer to 32*
[36] Are you straight/Lesbo: Straight.
[37] Reasons you love your other half: I DON'T HAVE ONE!
[38] You and your other half in which stage: Oh gosh. You know my answer.
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo: ...I'm not going to answer.
[44] The enemy you hate the most (1only): What if I don't have one?
[45] Your most beautiful girl-friend: hmm...Kat? Mandy? ALL OF THEM!
[46] Your most handsome guy-friend: Kevin? Ayrton? Don't know.
[47] The kind of girl you dislike the most: Female dogs.
[48] The kind of boy you dislike the most: Guys like D****.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: No way. I'm straight.
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: *refer to 49*
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: Oh well. Then you're not a true friend.
[52] If your friend betray you: *refer to 51*
[53] If your friend woo your lover: I don't have one.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: I'll feel weird.
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: Then I'll be les. AYKM is my BFF.

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: haha yeah.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: Yes. If not I wouldn't pass.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: hmm...Ms. Calendino? Mrs. Sousa? Don't know.
[59] Always late to school/college: Haven't been late. Don't intend to.
[61] You love your seniors: I think so.
[62] Senior who you love the most: Hmm...I don't know.
[63] Your classmates good/bad: Depends.
[64] Excellent result classmate: SARAH ATKINSON AKA TOP OF THE LEVEL
[65] Laziest classmate: Not naming any.

TH PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: Sarah, Colleen, Kat, Angel, Mandy, Wei Jia, Joan, Clara, many.
[67] Stupid people: Don't know.
[68] Good looking people: ALL MA FWENS!
[69] Ugly people: ...Everyone is made in the eyes of God.
[70] Funny people: ANGEL! COLLEEFLOWER! AMANDA! so many. too little space.
[71] Cute people: *refer to 68*
[72] Bad people: ...Don't know.
[73] Honest people: COLLEEFLOWER! ANGEL! KAT!
[74] Acting people: I'm not naming anyone.
[75] What kind of person are you?: I honestly don't know. Ask my friends.

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: Both.
[77] Hugs or kisses: Both.
[78] Shorter or taller: Taller. I feel short with Sarah.
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Not too hesitant, not to spontaneous.
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Both.
[81] Listener or talker: Both.
[82] Romantic or rich: Romantic for sure.
[83] Good husband or good father: Both.

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: 28?
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 2. I don't want too much pain.
[86] Career: Haven't thought of my future. Hard to find a combination of music, math, science.
[87] Salary: Enough to sustain a family of 4 and my parents.
[88] Retirement age: Depends on how much I like my job.
[89] Properties value: I don't know. I really don't care at the moment.
[90] Wishes: To know where I belong. To be wherever is better for me. A lot more.

THE VICTIMS
[91] Anyone
[92] Who
[93] Wants
[94] To
[95] Do
[96] This
[97] Time-consuming
[98] But
[99] Weird
[100] Test.

Hey, it helps if you are bored!

I know they are really trying.
Send a sign showing us you are safe.
I hope you recieved what we sent to you.
We really miss you.

Please...

2008-10-04T00:49:00.002-07:00

Hey. Please pray for Acacia Abraham.
She was a cousin of a friend.
She took her own life on October 2,2008.
Pray for her family and friends too please.
They're going through a lot.
It was not intentional for her taking her own life.
It just happened.
Something just went wrong and what she planned didn't turn out.
She was only 15 and she wasn't able to live life to the fullest.
R.I.P. Acacia.
You'll be missed by family and friends.

Why?

2008-09-25T22:20:00.002-07:00

Ok, so school started but but now, I'M SICK!!!
Well, though she got me really worried, she's fine right now.
Best of luck to you!
Really hope that you'll be ok.
Back to my topic.

Why is it that everytime I study you never see it.
But when I take a break and use the laptop, I get a scolding?
You have always assumed that I have not done my homework.
Have you ever thought that I need to finish all my work on time to get an 'A'?
You felt that my 6 As and 2 Bs were all just not enough.
What do you want?
For me to be a straight A student?
Well, too bad!
It isn't my fault that I try my best but you never support me.
It's not my fault that I feel degraded because of you.
It's not my fault that I feel dumb because I got 70% on a test.

You seem to think that everything is my fault.
Is it really?
Or are you just trying to make yourself feel better and finding reasons to blame me?
Think about that because you're the cause of all these.
Why all this?
I'm sorry if I don't live through!

thinking...

2008-09-04T22:51:00.002-07:00

...about somethings I read somewhere, written by different people.
True friends.
Definition: someone who is always there, never forgetting you, sharing your troubles.
Who are MY true friends?
I can name one person.
But even that person doesn't seem like one anymore.
Do I really have no true friends?
"True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget"
- G. Randolf
Yes she was all of the above, but what if it is only me who feels that she is difficult to leave and imopossible to forget?
What if she just doesn't think of me as a true friend?
A true friend would never ask you to take sides, but let you choose.
We never got in a situation like that, so how am I suppose to know?
What if I really don't have true friends?
Is this the consequence of having to start over?
Life is never fair.
When you recieve something you treasure, you loose something else that you treasure.
I recieved the chance to start life anew.
I lost my friends.
Both I treasure, one I have to choose.
Why am I the only one who is suffering from this choice?
The other who made a great loss had the chance to choose where (s)he wanted to be.
Why can't I have the choice?
Why did we have to move?
Especially at this time?
I honestly hate you now for doing this.
I wanted to start fresh with all my friendships.
To earse all the grudges I've held against people.
Even if I do that, they don't even talk to me.
It's a worthless effot that I'm trying to make, so why bother?
I really want to go back to before.
To when we held to grudges.
To when I still had to chance to decide my future.
To when I was eight and tell my parents that I didn't want to anymore.
But time never stops for me.
I'll just leave it as that.

zzz

2008-08-31T00:41:00.001-07:00

For the sake of CLARICE YONG HUI MIN, I have translated all my chinese posts for her comprehension. I hope she appreciates the trouble I have gone through just to please her.

七个小时。。。

2008-08-29T13:52:00.003-07:00

亚纶就会到台上表演了。
我真的想看他的表演。
真的希望飞轮海晖来到温哥华开演唱会哦！
也许棒棒堂也会来！
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！
我好想我最好最好的朋友！
希望你现在跟朋友们在澳洲很开心很快乐！
现在不要像学校的压力。
好了，我要看电影了。
拜拜！

啊！忘了跟Zenia讲，我有个加拿大的朋友也很喜欢王子哦！

-Translation-
Ya Lun will be on stage performing.
I really want to see him perform.
Really wish that Fahrenheit Fei Lun Hai will hold a concert in Vancouver!
Maybe Lollipop Bang Bang Tang will also come!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I really miss my best friend!
Hope she is having fun in Australia with her group of friends now!
Don't think of the stress from school now.
Ok, I'm going to watch my movie now.
Bye!

Ahh! I forgot to tell Zenia, I've got a friend here who also really really likes Wang Zi!

多二十五个小时。。。

2008-08-28T19:13:00.003-07:00

。。。他就会来。
我没希望看他了。
-----------------
我听了小煜说他在棒棒堂里没觉得很快乐。
那我问过自己，我倒地快步快乐呢？
我想了很久，可是还找不到答案。
这是什么意识呢？
我也不知道。
我听小煜说他每次跟爸爸说他没事，很快乐。
可是回到家时，他真的不知道自己快步快乐。
我就问过自己，我是不是跟小煜一样？
每次跟家人说在这很快乐，可是不知道是真的快乐，还是假的快乐。
我最讨厌人家问我在这里快不快乐，因为我每次说快乐可是我一回家就想到头痛或是让我想念家人而哭起来了。
那我这样子怎么继续幸福的活着呢？
算了，如果我知道我快不快乐，我会跟大家说一下。
我要去看节目了。
拜拜！

-Translation-
...and he will be coming.
I have no hope of seeing him.
-----------------
I heard Xiao Yu say that he doesn't feel all that happy in Lollipop Bang Bang Tang.
Then I asked myself, am I really happy?
I thought for a long time, but still couldn't find the answer.
What does this mean?
I really don't know either.
I heard Xiao Yu sat that he keeps telling his father that everything is fine.
But when he goes back home, he doesn't know if he is happy or not.
So I asked myself, am I like Xiao Yu?
I keep telling everyone I am happy, but I don't know if I'm really happy, or just putting up a cheerful front.
I really hate people asking me if I'm happy here, because everytime I say I am, but when I get home, I think till my head hurts or until I miss home and start crying.
If so, how am I suppose to continue a happy life?
Forget it, when I find out if I'm happy, I'll tell you my response.
I'm going to watch my shows now.
Bye!

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

2008-08-27T19:28:00.003-07:00

炎亚纶！
我要去MICHAEL J FOX THEATRE听你的声音！
我要气死了！
上个星期才知道你跟亦儒来表演！

-Translation-
Yan Ya Lun!
I want to go to the Michael J Fox Theatre to listen to your voice!
I want to die of anger!
I just found out last week that you and Calvin are coming to perform!

I want to SCREAM!!!

2008-08-19T22:04:00.002-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I can't believe that ARRON YAN YA LUN is coming for the Sunshine Nation thing with Calvin and I didn't even know!!!
AHHHH!!!!
I missed my chance of seeing him!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO PISSED!!!!!
YA LUN!!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM MISSING THIS CHANCE!!!
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
btw, i'm somewhere near jasper right now...
on the way to rockies xD
BUT I'M STIL SO PISSED!!!!

tagged...

2008-08-17T23:50:00.003-07:00

...by Amanda Yip

A) people who have been tagged must write their answer on their blog.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.
These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person
whom they were tagged by
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

01. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
hmm...i think it'll be tears...haven't really experienced betrayal.

02. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Either meeting all the 台湾艺人 that i like, or being able to be in two places at once.

03. What will you want your dream wedding to be like?
Never thought about it...

04. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
YES! Definately! Don't even know where my future will be...

05. What's your ideal lover like?
Hmm...he must never put on a fake front for sure. Must be able to be trusted, have a sense of humour, be able to stand my very super short temper, be understanding, etc. I'm super picky.

06. Which is more blessed?
JESUS CHRIST THE LAMB OF GOD WHO TOOK AWAY THE SINS FROM THE WORLD!

07. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Either until I feel that I'd rather be friends or when they find their partner who makes them happy.

08. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Just hope they are happy.

09. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yup. Saturday, 16th August 2008.

10. Is being tagged fun?
Parts of it. Some questions are nice, some are stupid.

11. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
With neices and nephews around me but no children xD

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Family, AMANDA YIP, JOAN SEAH, KATHRYN CRUZ, ANDREA MESANA, and many other friends

13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
Perfect in my eyes, she just needs to not look down on herself and 加油！

14. Would you rather be rich and single or married but poor?
Married but poor, as long as it's a great marriage. Nothing beats having your loved ones around you.

15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
Get out of my bed.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
I guess. Unless I really don't feel like we belong.

17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
None. There should only be one true love.

18. What type of friends do you like?
Loyal, trust-worthy, patient (unlike me), honest, polite, true friends.

19. What type of friends do you dislike?
Unfaithful, not trust-worthy, dishonest, rude people.

You've been tagged by me:
1) Joan
2) Clara
3) Clarice
4) Zenia
5) Marissa
6) Kathryn
7) Monica
8) Colleen

我回来了！

2008-08-17T23:23:00.003-07:00

我已经到家了。
觉得有点开心，可是也有点伤心。。。
我还以为不会这样。。。
以为会多点开心，可以陪妈妈多一点。
可是我很期待去上学。
真的觉得家里很闷。
但是我们一家人要去Banff了。
大哥明天要来了！
我星期六刚刚看到它，可是还期待她来到这里。
好了，我该睡个觉啦。
现在已经是十一点多了。。。
拜拜！晚安！

-Translation-
I have already reached home.
Feeling really happy, but I'm also sad...
I thought it wouldn't be like this...
I thought I would be happy, because I could be with Mom more.
But I really can't wait for school to start.
I feel really bored at home.
But, we're going to Banff as a family really soon.
My big brother is coming tomorrow!
I just saw him on Saturday, but I'm still eager for him to come here.
Ok, I should go to sleep.
It's already past 11pm now.
Bye! Night!

自己的心情

2008-08-14T11:50:00.003-07:00

我分不清楚自己的心情。
我到底是想留下还是想离开我也不知道。
留下的话，我那边的朋友和家人怎么办？
我走的话，我这边的朋友和家人怎么办？
谁可以帮我解决这个问题啊？
我真的觉得很烦。
我现在怎么办？
留下来有错。
走也有错。
到底要做什么才是对呢？
我真地想知道。
可是没人可以告诉我怎么做才好。
真的分不清楚自己的心情了。
也分不清出什么才是对，什么才是错。
有没有人想告诉我答案呢？

好了。我想睡了。晚安！

P.S. 谢谢Ｚｅｎｉａ姐教我怎么打华文字！真的要谢你哦！拜拜！

-Translation-
I really can't tell my feelings apart.
I don't know if I want to stay or go back.
If I stay, what about my friends over there?
If I go, what about my friends over here?
Who can help me solve this problem?
I really feel troubled.
What should I do now?
Staying is wrong.
Leaving is also wrong.
What can I do that is right?
I really want to know.
But no one can tell me what's the best thing to do.
Really can't understand what I'm feeling.
And I also can't tell what's right and what's wrong.
Is there anyone who wishes to tell my the answer?

P.S. Thank you Zenia for teaching me how to type chinese words!

4 days...

2008-08-12T05:49:00.003-07:00

...before leaving.
Can't explain this feeling.
A feeling of happiness but yet, a feeling a sadness.
I love it, yet I hate it.
Can't even find the words to explain what I'm experiencing.

Friday, 8th August
Ok, so I got up and ate lunch almost immediately. That's how late I woke up. Yeah.

So I started making the oreo base. So I finished up the crushing and I melted and mixed it. Then I started to pre-heat the oven and was about to cut the cheese blocks and put them in the mixer only to find that I was holding icing sugar in my hand and not caster sugar. So I turned the oven off and wrapped the blocks back up. Then, I ran to NTUC at central because I just missed the bus. So then I took 15 minutes to find the stupid sugar because I was just too blind. I realised it was practically in front of me. Yeah. So then I went to wait for the bus and then when I got off, I ran all the way in.

So I started to pre-heat the oven again and cut the blocks up. So after heating the oven, I started to bake the base. Recipe says 10 minutes at 400 so that's how long I left it in there while I used the beater to mix the cheese, sugar, and eggs. Then after 10 minutes, I took the base out. ONLY TO FIND IT BURNT! The worst part was that because the cookies started off black, I couldn't tell if it was done when it was in the oven.

Ok, so I was thinking to myself 'It's fine. That's just the base.' So I mixed the batter and added the cookies and poured it into the springform pan, only to find the batter just at the brim of the pan. So I told myself 'It's ok. the cake wouldn't rise that much.' So I started to bake the cake and instructions said 60 minutes at 400.

Then I started to boil water to soak the mixing bowl and the 'K' beater. Then my sister calls and asks me to help her find a Shepherd's Pie recipe for her. So I was like 'Ok, I've still got 45 minutes before the cake is baked.' Or so I thought. So I started to get the recipe and called my sister to give it to her. Then our mom came on MSN so I decided to ask her for the recipe she uses. Then, after I got the recipe, my sister asked me to help her measure how much beef she should cook for the potluck and how many potatoes she should mash. So I decided to be a nice sister and do that.

So I measured everything, converted it, and called my sister to tell her. Then I went to check the cake 45 minutes into baking to find it not white with a little brown (like it was supposed to be), but instead, ALL brown. I was so pissed at myself. So then I found out from my sister that night that the oven is a turbo oven and cooks faster. I was thinking to myself 'Yeah, sure. Tell me only after I bake and not say anything when I asked about the oven.' So I was like 'Forget it. It's still very edible.' And it was. My cousins said so.

Then I had to transfer the cake from the pan to a plate. So I took the rim off and tried to get the cake off the base. Then I saw that the cake was surrounding the whole edge of the base so there was no way I could get it off without 'hurting' the cake. So I was a little 心疼 to 'hurt' it but I ended up doing it.

So that was my hectic and Frustrating Friday.

Saturday, 9th August a.k.a. Singapore's birthday
Ok, so I slept early on Friday because I was super tired and frustrated. So I got up early, being unable to sleep any longer. So I was up before my sister and second brother. Not very often that this happens but yeah. So then I started to find something to bring my cake in to the potluck.

Then after I found it, my sister, who got up not long after I did, was asking me to bake HER shepherd's pie. So I asked her why and she said she wanted to study. So I was thinking 'It wouldn't hurt to help.' So I had to go early with my brother to bake it. When she said bake it, I thought she meant she'll tell me what to do. So I was waiting for her to tell me where she put the stuff and the recipe. Then I waited until lunch, only to find that she already left the house. So I called her and asked her where she put all the food and the recipe. Her response was 'I don't have the recipe. You need to go and buy the potatoes, carrots, onion, and garlic from NTUC.'

I was freaking pissed at her when I heard that. So I was rushing because we were suppose to get to my aunt's around 4pm. So then I remembered that she didn't have the recipe. I started to think to myself, why the heck didn't she write it down when I told her over the phone? She claimed to be studying at church when I told her the recipe so she was bound to have a pen and paper in front of her. And if she knew she wouldn't really remember it, why didn't she write it down? So then I wrecked my brain trying to remember what my mom told me.

So when I went to my aunt's house to cook it, I just did it from memory and I knew it wasn't very good. But you couldn't blame me. So I spent the whole afternoon preparing and cooking the beef. Then the potluck, my sister was telling me that the beef was very blend.

So I just didn't really care about that. Then we had karaoke. I sang 'At the Beginning' with Val, 'Dancing Queen' with Vanessa, 'Beauty and the Beast' and 'Colours of the Wind' with Celeste, 'Super Star' and '當你孤單你會想起誰' by myself. I think that was all I sang. Can't really remember. Then we left the house around 11.30pm. Yeah, then we got home about 12++.

Sunday, 10th August
Ok, got up early so that I could shower before mass. I mean early as in 4.30am early. To think I slept around 1am. Then we left for church same as last week. After mass was breakfast, cat class, and then I met Amanda. Ok, so at the end of cat class, I started taking pictures of Kimberly, Carissa, Bernadette, Jeanette, Herman, and myself. Then I found out from Val that she was going to open the room at 2pm. So after class, I went to meet Amanda at Risen Christ after the 11.30pm mass. So then her parents gave us a ride to TPC and we had lunch at Mos Burger and we were super high.

Then we went back to church after that and we found out that the room was already open so we went in and studied. Then at 3pm, we walked to the entertainment centre because Dwanye claimed he was leaving his house around 3.15pm. So we went arcade and played basketball, bishi bashi, and para para. Then we were playing there until 4.45pm because we were STILL waiting for him. He finally came and then we started to walk back to church. Then when Amanda went to buy bubble tea, he went upstairs to LAN just to 'check if anyone was playing'. Then we said we were only waiting for 5 minutes before we'll leave him behind. Not long after he went up, he called to say that we could go first because his game is already starting. We were so pissed. Oh then we were about to go back to the room but we were told it was locked. So we went into the room Val was in.

Ok, so we were staying in that room for a while. Then Sam was asking if we wanted to go back to the room to study and we said no. Then she was telling us must study. So she asked us to go back down to the room with her then we can study too. So we decided ok la, we'll just study. Then after a while we realised it was already 6pm and Amanda and I had to go home very soon. Then Amanda came up with the idea of me sleeping over at her place. So I called my dad and he allowed!

So went home, ate dinner, packed my things, and then I left and met Amanda at Risen Christ. Then we stayed there for a while talking to people there, then after that we walked to her house. Then when we reached, the first thing we did was go on the computer. Lol. Then after that we played monopoly when we had nothing else to do. We were practically buying everything that we were landing on. Haha. Then we started to buy houses and eventually hotels. Quite a crazy game of exchanging money between the two of us. Haha. Was a very high game. We were for some odd reason very high that day lor. Yeah, then we went to sleep at about 1+ in the morning or maybe even 2++.

Monday, 11th August

Ok, so we woke up about 8.30am around that. Then we played the computer again and I played her cornet! Long time never play already! Haha but I could only play one octave. So sad...can't play anymore. Oh well. Then we started to get ready and we had breakfast. Then at about 11.30am we left her house and started to walk to TPC and take train to Raffles City and meet Dorothy there. Then at 11.40am, Dorothy called me saying that she'll be late because her brother was making her wait. So when we met, we went to eat Subway in the basement. Then we were talking about school and life. Oh, and because Chloe couldn't come, Dorothy was telling us about how our innocent-looking cute friend wasn't as innocent as we thought. Dory found out when they started talking about our P6 HB performance and how Mdm Lim just didn't wait for Chloe and started the song.

So Chloe still holds this grudge against her and as they were talking about it, our dear Chloe was just swearing, not the horrible ones but still swearing. And according to Dory, it's hilarious seeing such an innocent girl swear like that in the middle of a conversation. Haha. Amanda and I were trying to imagine it and we just couldn't stop laughing.

Then after lunch we started to walk around the mall, but we went into everyshop and always came out empty-handed. That place if freaking pricey! But then again, the designs on the stuff were super nice! Oh well. Then we went for Ben&Jerry's in the basement and we were getting high all over again. Haha. We talked about super random stuff. Then after that we went to Suntec City and we walked by the Zip It push cart and Amanda and I just had to but those pouches. It's so cool! I got a handphone pouch and Amanda got the pencil case. Then because we wanted our names on it, we had to wait 30mins before we could collect it. So we went arcade.

Then at arcade, we played basketball, bishi bashi, this game where you had to throw balls at the screen and kill stuff, and DDR. Haha. Amanda's pro at it. She's pro at para para and DDR. So we were talking about mixing DDR and para together to make an actual dance. Because para used hand movements and DDR uses steps. So combining them would give you a full dance. Lol.

Then after that Dory had to go home, so Amanda and I went to church again. We always go there when we've got nothing to do xD. Then started to stone at the steps for a while. Then we went to the kopitiam opposite and ate jap food. Then after that, we went back to church, only to find out that everyone else went just went for dinner. So we stoned at the steps again. Then when they came back, we were so tired that we didn't bother going up anymore and just stayed where we were. So then around 8.15pm we left church and walked back to Amanda's house. Then I went to get my stuff and went home from there.

So that was the busy but fun-packed weekend I had.

too soon...

2008-08-07T07:57:00.002-07:00

9 days...
But I can never figure out what I'm feeling exactly.
Torn apart.
The worst I've ever felt.
Now I wonder if I deserve this pressure.

Why must I go through all this?
Why can't time just stop when I'm in the middle?
Why must making this choice be so hard?

I really missed those years that I never treasured.
Those years where I never had to make a hard choice at all.
Years that I rarely made choices that changed my life.
In fact, years that I never made choices to change my life.

God of Wonders
Lord of all creation
Of water, earth and sky
The heavens are your tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
When I stumble in the darkness
I will lift Your name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

How I miss praise and worship sessions.
Really hope to have one soon...
I miss a lot now but I know I'll miss a lot later too.

Signing off,
Messed-up

a year? or two?

2008-08-04T06:43:00.003-07:00

It's been a year,
But it feels like eternity.
Mysteriously, the two years,
It feels like two days.

A year since I left. Two since a memorable trip. This is the truth.
Two days since a memorable trip. An eternity since I left. This is what it feels like.
Life is misery without love.
Life is depression without true friends.
Life is pointless without you around.

But You never left.
You were always with me.
You're my everything.
I can't live without You.
You once said:" I am the way, the truth, and the light. He who believes in me shall have eternal life."

Thanks for everything that happened and everything that's about to.

A dedication to my friends.

2008-08-01T01:16:00.002-07:00

Hey. I just wanted to post this song specially for my friends. Just realised that I only have 14 days and 14 hours left in the country. I've been listening to this song for so long but never really took the time to understand the lyrics. I just realised that the lyrics say what I want to say.

Lyrics:

这一段时间有着什么样的画面
喜怒哀乐全写在日记里面
发现每一页全都是经典
所有故事都值得纪念

现实的考验我们说好一起面对
不管多久多远绝对不喊累
期待彼此更美好的明天
我们说好谁也不放弃谁

手牵着手(连成线最紧密的圆圈)
肩靠肩(每一刻都好像在身边)
深呼吸做你最高的堡垒
风吹过的海边
雨水下过的季节
让我好想念

我们之间不会有改变
相同的起点一瞬间
变成了乐园
我们之间转了一大圈
相同的终点会发现
所有的心愿会实现

现实的考验我们说好一起面对
不管多久多远绝对不喊累
期待彼此更美好的明天
我们说好谁也不放弃谁

手牵着手(连成线最紧密的圆圈)
肩靠肩(每一刻都好像在身边)
深呼吸做你最高的堡垒
风吹过的海边
雨水下过的季节
让我好想念

我们之间不会有改变
相同的起点一瞬间
变成了乐园
我们之间转了一大圈
相同的终点会发现
所有的心愿会实现

just thinking...

2008-07-29T04:29:00.002-07:00

Hey. I was reading three things that really got me thinking. Firstly, what would I want if I could ask for anything?

My immediate response was to know where I belong. I know a lot of people start asking for materealistic stuff and it's normal. But I really want to know where I belong at this moment. It's like I want to tear myself in two and be here and there. Then, the passage continued with a story of King Solomon. When he was given anything he wanted, he asked for wisdom, not for himself, but to lead his people. Then it got me thinking, if King Solomon asked for something for others without hesitation, why is it that no matter what I want, it's always for myself?

I realise that everytime I get this question, I always had answers related to knowing where I belong or something related to staying with family and friends. I have never in my life asked for things that would benefit other people around me.

Secondly, I got this email a really long time ago, but I started to think back on it:

"IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD?

If you would say no, DELETE THIS E-MAIL , NOW.

IF YOU WOULD SAY YES, AND STAND UP FOR JESUS CHRIST, PLEASE READ THIS.

Note: This is a true article that was printed in a southern newspaper less then a year ago

TAKE A DEEP BREATH BEFORE READING THIS:

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church.

On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, 'Does anyone know who this is?' The little girl said, 'I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died.'

If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.

Or you can delete it as if it never touched your heart.

Funny, isn't it?

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. & amp; amp; amp; amp; lt; /B>

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)

Funny how someone can say 'I believe in God' but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also 'believes' in God).

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start s ending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Funny how we can go to church for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?)

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)

Funny how we read the Harry Potter books in less than a day but it takes us a life time to read the bible!

Pass this on only if you mean it."

Then I started to wonder, did my life change when I was actually praying before bed, thanking God for the wonderful day He gave me? That was the moment I realised that my life really changed when I did pray. Ever since I stopped, my life just became miserable again. It was never a physical kind of miserable, nor was it really emotional. It was more of the kind where you just feel different but can't really pin point what's making you feel that way. You can't even describe how you feel. It's like you have a smile on your face but your heart's torn into a million pieces and is nearly impossible to mend. Then I realised, I've been leaving God out of my life, I've been ignoring Him, I've been hurting Him.

So I started to pray again just last week, and honestly, it has made me feel better in ways I just can't describe. Somehow, the fact that my grandmothers have cancer doesn't bother me anymore. It's like prayer made me realise how God would always be there for us, even after we leave this world. It was then that I realised that nothing bad's going to happen to them. Everyone dies, but the only thing that changes is when they go. That is the one thing we cannot decide, but we can decide from which point of view we want to look at it as. Do we want to look at death as a way that takes the person out of suffering and into God's loving and caring hands? Or to look at death as if it's the worst thing that could happen to anyone?

I chose to look at it as a way to take us out of suffering. As a sign that our journey back to heaven that started when we were born had ended and we have completed our life's mission.

Lastly, this was also another email I recieved:

"Very thought provoking. Hope you read it to its end!!!!!

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it... The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also My 'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?"

That got me thinking of what Jesus did to ever deserve to be the one who carries the burden of ALL our sins everywhere. Then, I remembered one of the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit: Fear of the Lord. Fear of the Lord, or to put into simpler words, respect for God.

If we respect our parents by listening to them and obeying them, why is it that we don't respect God by listening to His words from the Gospels and obeying them? Why is it that we try not to break rules set by our parents but we keep telling lies and breaking the commandments? Is it because the punishment from our parents are physical? What about the punishment from God? Isn't there a spiritual punishment? Apparently there is, it's just that it's not us who get's the punishment. The punishment is givin to God's only son, Jesus. He died for us on the cross to save us from death, but did that give us any right to just commit sins? No, Jesus never died so that we could keep sinning. He died to cleanse us from our past sins.

We were never given the right to continue sinning, but why is it that we act as if we were given that right? I was just thinking of the many blessings God gave me, and the times I've done bad compared to the times I've done good. Why is it that God never does anything bad to us, but keeps giving us good stuff, while we just keep doing bad, with the very seldom good works?

I've been thinking about these things, and I think every one should do the same. But then again not every one finds any wrong in the way we live. We talk about how so many people leave the Church after confirmation. Why is it so easy to focus on the bad, but we never realise how many people actually do stay on? It's just like how we always think a small white lie won't hurt, but in fact all our bad doings are not hurting us, but Jesus.

I know I didn't send these two emails, but I just kept them. I kept thinking, why is it that I get so many chain mails from people who don't even talk to me, but it's always the same people who send me emails concerning our faith that could actually change us?

I personally feel that if you think chain mails about God are not worth sending, what makes you think that chain mails about supposed curses are worth sending? I'm a proof to people that those 'curses' are just stupid lame jokes. I've never bothered sending them after opening them and reading it to the end, but here I am, unharmed by some supposed clown that kills people in their sleep.

My point of this post is just for people, especially those who believe in Christ, to think about their actions before actually doing it. Just like the saying 'look before you leap'. You could save Christ the burden of carrying our sins around when you think of what you're going to do before you do it. Think of who it will hurt, maybe not physically, but emotionally or spiritually. It's actually helps to think.

past few days...

2008-07-26T21:11:00.002-07:00

Hey!

Ok, so on Friday, I went for a Handbell performance held by Ministry of Bellz with Ms Helimmi, Cassandra, Amanda, Violet, and Ada. Ok, I'm thanking Amanda for posting because I'm going to just take it from her.

"Met ada and violet outside my condo, they left their bags at my house and we mrted to dg to meet natalie and cass. On the way, violet said she brought her wallet but left her money in her bag. I told her that I’m not going back home. Haha. So she had to live without money for dinner. But luckily cass treated her dinner. Haha. Okay, are at yoshinoya after taking 20-30min to decide. Yup. We were talking about lots of random stuff which i shall not post here.

After dinner, we walked to YMS arts centre. Which is in between dg and city hall. Haha. On the way, we were laughing at alot of things. 1) Ada’s socks. 2) Ada’s slowness. 3) How Ada didn’t get the hint even after 15 minutes. Yup. Haha.

Reached the place at 7.15, saw miss mark and mdm lim! Omg. Haven’t seen them in a veryyy long time. Yup. They went to watch the concert too. Since it was free seating, they went in first. The rest of us waited for miss helimmi as she’s holding on to our tickets. She arrived at 7.25. Haha. Got our tickets and went to the 2nd floor. Then we realized that marlene’s performing! Haha. Was so excited. Yup. The concert rocked. It made me relive my 3 years in handbells from 2003-2006. How I wished time can go back to those fun times. After the concert, there was a Q&A session. And cass asked the funniest of all questions – “Can we play?” And miss helimmi said that we were suffering from Handbell-withdrawal Syndrome. Hahaha. Damn funny. Yup. But we managed to TOUCH our baobei (s) in the end. Haha.

I want to join the MOB ): I want to play Handbells again ): I want to be the president of my primary school’s handbells again ): (No, wait. On a second thought, I rather not. Reminds me of how I had to tolerate cass’s nonsense when she was Vice-president. Hahahahaha.)

Walked back to dg, mrted back to toapayoh and made our way home soon after. :)"

Haha. I agree with ay...I WANNA JOIN MOB...but i won't even be here lor. Yeah. then i have to say it wasn't as bad as i thought to meet marlene. Yeah. so all in all, it was great. Ringing the bells were great!!! I SO MISS THOSE TIMES! I wanna go back in time. Oh well, time sure flies. I gtg off for lunch though. BYE! I'll update you when I feel like it xD.

Relaxed...

2008-07-14T20:39:00.002-07:00

Hey! Just if anyone didn't already know, I'm back and I've been to school twice. I plan on going more. Just not that soon. Anyway, I've forgotten all my problems ever since I came back. I totally forgot about the illness and everything. Until today at least. But I don't feel at all scared because I've seen them and I see two everyday and one every Saturday. So if you're wondering how I'm feeling about this, I'm great just to let you know.

Yeah, so I'm really grateful to be back and all. And I really love them so much! I was so happy to see her the minute I came home, although she were already sleeping and all, at least I knew she were safe and nothing happened. But he was actually in hospital, but he came home the first evening I was back so it's all good! Oh what I was really happy about was that my brother and sister came along with my dad to pick me up, but my other brother had to work the next morning so he didn't want to go. Oh! I have to tell you my cousins' reactions.

Ok, the one who's just a year older was so tired after preparing for her Church's funfair when she got home on Saturday the week before, and you could see it on her face because she had to go to school in the morning for choir too, but when she saw me, she literally ran to me and gave me a really nice big hug! I was so happy to see her that I really had tears in my eyes. Then my twin cousins a year younger that me though I was my sister! Just because I layered my hair, they though I was my sister. Yeah, to that was their reactions. The rest of them didn't have much reaction. Well, my oldest cousin saw me the week before I left Canada because she came up after a wedding in Seattle. So she really didn't have a reaction when she saw me. I didn't have a reaction when I saw her too.

Yup, so that was the reactions I got from my cousin. And I honestly thought that my cousins couldn't really be bothered that I left. I never knew we were this close! I know we were that close when we were younger, but then I felt as if she didn't want me to be so close to her. Maybe at that point she really felt that, but I really missed her when I left but we seldom spoke. So I was wondering if she ever thought of me. Well, she obviously did! And I am so glad about that! Well, I better go off. Bye!

Sorry...

2008-06-12T19:32:00.002-07:00

Sorry to my friends for the worry I caused you.
I'm perfectly fine.
I just needed somewhere to let my thoughts out.
I'm not worth worrying about.
Just forget all of my problems.
I just get them out of my system and then just not deal with them anymore.
So just forget my problems.
Deal with your own.
I don't mean to sound cold or rude.
I just don't want any unwanted pity and sympathy.
I just hate them.
I just want to be allowed to express myself without any of that coming in.
So just don't pity of sympathise with me.
The only way to help would be to just be your normal self.
Don't change the way you are at all.
I'll be happy with that because being yourself is the reason I'm your friend.
I don't like anyone who tries to be someone else.

...

2008-06-07T23:44:00.004-07:00

i'm sick.
sick of the topic.
sick of the questions.
sick of the response.
SICK OF EVERYTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE HECK UP AND STOP ASKING ME THAT QUESTION?
I'M PREFECTLY FREAKING FINE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT EVERYONE'S BOUND TO DIE?
MAY I KNOW?

everyone tells me that we are all going to die. now when it really happens, who's the one freaking out and asking if i'm fine? it's more like you're the freaking one not fine. i'm perfectly fine. i know they're gonna go. they're not young. i would easily say that not many are his age and he's better than them both. i know he's going too but he's still better than them at this point. they use to be better than him before all this. honestly, i don't care! what's the point worrying when i'm half-way across the world not able to do anything? what's the point of YOU worrying when you are there but CAN NEVER EVER CHANGE THE FACT?! WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM! I HATE YOU FOR ASKING ME THAT QUESTION OVER AND OVER! have you ever heard of instant death? well a good example would be someone dying from a bad accident. and it could happen to anyone anytime. it happens everyday right? so what makes you think that it's never going to happen to any of us? think about that. you're making me think so much about them and making me feel as if i did something that caused it. what the hell did i do wrong that brought this? NOTHING OK? NO FREAKING THING! i'm going to stop here. if YOU ever read it, think about what i said. can you change the facts? what if someone got into a freak accident? would you have time to realise their meaning in your life? i give up trying to stop you from answering that question. if anyone else asks me that, i'll break down. reason being that i'm still getting over the fact that i'll never have the same friends here that i have back home, the fact that no one is my true friend here, the fact that this is all happening at the wrong time. why couldn't this have happened before we left? we would have just stayed on back home. never coming to somewhere that makes me feel like an outsider.

scared...

2008-06-05T23:46:00.003-07:00

I'M TOO SCARED...
1. to open my heart up.
2. to tell them my feelings.
3. to tell them to stop asking me the same question.
4. to face my problems.
5. to face the hurt.
6. to face the truth.
7. to face them.
8. OF EVERYTHING!

I feel useless because I'm scared. I'm scared of not only loosing her. I'm scared of loosing all of them. I miss them all. What am I supposed to do now? I really do not know but if anyone could give me the answer, it would make my day.

tests

2008-06-05T20:16:00.002-07:00

What Natalie Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it
But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt
A little more inner confidence could take you far...
And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You a Confident Woman?

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you.
You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations.
You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves.
You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's" Your Inner Gender?

Why...

2008-06-04T19:47:00.002-07:00

Why...
1. Does the family have to suffer this way?
2. Did God give me such luck?
3. Do we have to be apart?
4. Must life be full of tough decisions?
5. Is everyone not being helpful?
6. Are my friends here not true friends?
7. Is it so hard for me to open up?

...and the list goes on. I am suffering. You are suffering. He is suffering. She is suffering. They are suffering. WE are suffering. I'm sorry I sound emo and stuff but life is just killing me emotionally and some family members physically. Just to let you know, I'm sort of going through a rough patch right now so I'm not in the best of moods. I'm not going to say what happened but I just want to ask that you pray for my family. I may not update often. Nights. Take care everyone and treasure everyone around you. Anything could happen at anytime.

Quiz again...again

2008-06-03T20:14:00.004-07:00

How are you feeling today?

Seasons in the Sun (Summer is near >.<)

Will you get far in life?

Je Dois Tout Faire À Ma Manière (Gotta Go My Own Way in French)

How do your friends see you?

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (-.-)

Will you get married?

在水一方 - Jiro 汪东城 (By the Water Side)

What's the story of your life like?

Christmas Tree Prayer

What's secondary school life like?

Swear It Again

How can you get ahead in life?

How Do I Live - LeAnn Rimes

How do you feel about your friends?

戀愛達人 - Show Luo 小豬羅志祥

Describe them.

Your Heart Will Lead You Home

What's tomorrow gonna be like?

Jumpin', Jumpin'

What's in store for the weekend?

Can You Feel the Love Tonight

Describe yourself.

You - Switchfoot

Describe your parents.

In Moments Like These

How's your life going?

All Out of Love

My friends here are not true friends. I want my friends from back home whom I truly love. My family's back home too and I love them. I need more love here...freakishly true...

What song will they play at your funeral?

Last Christmas

How does the world see you?

你是我所有的回憶 - Calvin 辰亦儒

Will you have a happy life?

Gotta Go My Own Way

What do your friends really think of you?

Sing Hallelujah

Do people secretly lust after you?

I Don't Dance

How do I make myself happy?

What I've Been Looking For

What should you do with your life?

出口 - 飛輪海

Will you have children?

月桂女神 - S.H.E.

I'll elaborate on what I mean by they are not true friends. My friend's mom was going through chemo for her breast cancer, and she was really sad and all so see her mom suffer so much. I comforted her and all. Then when I found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, the reaction I got was 'Oh, she'll be fine.' in an 'I really don't care so don't tell me' tone. Then was my other grandmother and her back and the same reaction. Then was someone else I know and cancer again. Same thing happened. I was so mad at her. Like what the heck's your problem man. I just need a listening ear. Then there's this other friend where she had some problems with a guy and she kept calling me. My response was always telling her that I was free and could lend her a listen ear. After she solved that problem, she didn't say anything to me and just was so caught up it's just like i'm non-existant in her life.

Well, there's always JCRU who has never let me down. When I started thinking of my friends during one of the meetings when we were talking about friendships, they were all comforting me. They are the only group of great friends that are true to me. We always listen to each others problems at meetings.

Well, I got to sleep. Night all! Miss you guys!

Quiz again xD

2008-05-29T22:28:00.003-07:00

Name 20 people you can think of right now.Don’t read the questions until you have named the 20 people.At the end of this, choose 5 people to do this

1. Amanda Yip
2.Celeste
3. Joan
4. Colleen
5.Sarah
6.Monica
7.Regina Kim
8.Joanne
9.Kevin
10.Kathryn
11.Christina
12.Catherine
13.Alex B
14.Camille
15.Clarice
16.Wei Jia
17.Marissa
18.Natalie
19.Corrina
20.Dre

How did you meet#14?
CCD/PREP class.

What would you do if you didn’t meet #1?
I don't know who I'd be right now.

What if #9 and #20 dated?
Dre's married and she's Kevin's piano teacher...so it's called adultery

Will #6 and #17 date?
Not possible...they're both straight...plus they're in two totally different places

Describe #3.
She loves sailing and misses me loads xD

Is #8 attractive?
Guess you could say that...(no offence!)

Describe #7
She's what I call a true friend (along with some other friends of mine xD)

Know any of #12’s family members?
Her sister, cousin, other cousin, aunt.

What language doesn’t #15 speak?
French xD

Who is #2 going out with?
No one I know of xD

How old is #16?
13 going 14

When was the last time you spoke to #13?
Last night at CCD procession.

Who is #1 favourite band/singer?
No clue (Sry AY...)

Is #19 single?
Yup

What is #10 last name?
Cruz!!!

Would you ever be in a relationship with #11?
No but she's the bestest teacher/JCRU/YFC member xD

School of #3.
IJTP

How does #5 talk?
Like a typical CANADIAN

Where does #6 live?
138th and 74th (Newton)

What’s your favourite thing about #4?
Her scream! xD

What’s the best thing about #20?
EVERYTHING! DRE ROCKS!

What makes #18 a good friend?
Her personality

When was the last time you saw #11?
Last night at CCD procession

Tagged:
1. Amanda
2. Joan
3. Marissa
4. Clarice
5. Cherie

Quiz from AY again

2008-05-28T21:46:00.004-07:00

Amanda asked me to do this...

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!!!IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY", YOU SAY?
新窩 - 飛輪海
^New Dwelling Place >.<

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
I don't get this...

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Super Star - S.H.E.
Intresting...the star in them must shine xD

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Ave Maria
Hmm...reminisance...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bye Bye Bye - N*Sync
Wow! I say a lot of goodbyes. sad but freakily true...

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
在水一方 - Jiro
^At the Water's Side

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
紫藤花 - S.H.E.
^Purple Flower

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Reflection - Christina Aguilera
So I'm like them???

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
出神入化 - 飛輪海
^Superb

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIES?
Last Christmas - Savage Garden
Does it mean it's past? I doubt so!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Breaking Free - Troy and Gabriella
???But i don't like anyone...

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
You're My Hiding Place
???No idea how it relates...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Everyday - Troy and Gabriella
I don't like anyone more than a friend besides my family...

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Bop to the Top - Sharpay and Ryan
Ha...they keep asking me to improve...freakily true...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
月桂女神 - S.H.E.
^Lunar Goddess??? Can't remember...

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Barney's on Fire -Weird Al Yankovich
YAY! BARNEY DIED! sry all barney fans...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
We Wish You a Merry Christmas
Wising people 'Merry Christmas'??? wow...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dancin' in the Moonlight - Toploader
haha...i'm scared of dancing at night...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
綠洲 -S.H.E.
^No idea what it means...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
天灰 - S.H.E.
^Grey Sky...i guess they're still finding themselves like me???dunno...

Ok, so SOME of them fit but most don't. Was fun listening to my MP3 after a week though. Weird answers. I gtg sleep. Nights!

PS. 33 days left ONLY!!!

Quiz from AY

2008-05-20T18:50:00.003-07:00

1. Do you like your present school?
Yup xD
2. What do you want the most now?
To be able to watch the Fei Lun Hai concert in November!
3. Who is the closest person to you in your school?
Regina? Sarah? Monica? Myrah? Kathryn?
4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
Some of them...
5. Are you afraid of death?
Well duh!
6. Do you believing in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Of course!
7. What is your goal this year?
To get recommended for all my subjects possible!
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Guess so...
9. Have you ever broken someone's heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
Nope...and I never intend on doing so.
10. What do you enjoy doing the most?
Going for JCRU and PREP and CL.
11. Have you ever done anything for your admirer?
Nope...cos I have none.
12. What feeling do you hate most?
Failure...loneliness...like something is missing from my life...
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Yup, of course.
14. What or who do you think is missing from your life?
My friends from back home.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
My family and friends.
16. Do you find life meaningless?
Definately NOT xD
17. Who do you love most?
My family and friends.
18. Who do you talk most to in school?
Monica and Sarah and Regina and Joanne.

Instructions: remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out in the end of this post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged.

You've been tagged:
1. Celeste
2. Joan
3. Zenia
4. Clarice
5. Clara
6. Marissa

Her "date"

2008-05-19T17:19:00.003-07:00

Ok, so to follow up on Cute and Brother. Cute told Sister to tell Brother. She was so worried on Saturday. Everything got solved last week. Cute and Brother went out on Saturday to the movies but Sister and Cute's brother had to follow. All in all, she had fun.

Let's go in detail at the movie. (No I wasn't there. Cute told me.) Ok, so here was the seating order at first:brother, Cute, Sister, Brother. So she was not next to him. Then in the middle, Sister went to the washroom, and so Brother moved over, but brother asked Cute to switch. So Cute was afraid that Brother misunderstood, but it was all fine. Then after a while, Cute switched back with brother, so she was sitting next to Brother again. Now, the seating order is Sister, brother, Cute, Brother. Then in brother started leaning towards Sister and Cute was on the urge of screaming, but she held it. Then, Brother was going with a friend of his who also knows Cute (let's call her Korean). So Brother and Korean were going to go to Metrotown.

Then, Brother asked Cute to go with them, but Cute had to go home, so Brother, being the nice person we all know him as, waited with Cute and brother. Oh, and Sister had to go off, so she was not there anymore. Yeah, so her 'date' was not an actually one, but close enough. I'm so happy for her. She enjoyed herself on Saturday. She was really glad when she called me, but I got a lecture for using the phone past 10pm. Oh well, we were both having fun talking to each other. It was worth it. I got to go. Cya!

Ahhhhhhhh

2008-05-09T20:14:00.002-07:00

Ok, I may not talk about Whistler this post. But if you're the person involved in this, please don't think I told her!

Ok, so after school on multicultural day, my friend, her brother, my other friend, and me were outside the band room waiting for it to be unlocked. We wanted to get our instruments out of there. So let's name them to avoid confusions. Sister would be the one with the brother, Brother would be the only guy, Cute would be my other friend. So this is the conversation.
*Sister and Cute are grade 8 like me. Brother is grade 9.
*Cute was wearing a korean dress.

Cute was with her group of friends from grade 9. I was talking to Brother, and Sister was with her group of choir friends.

-I hug Cute when she arrives at the band room.
Brother: Hey Natalie.
Me: Hmm?
Brother: You know the band girl you just hugged?
Me: Yeah? What about her?
Brother: She's so hot! *points to Cute*
Me: OMGosh! I'm so gonna tell your sister!

Me: K****** (aka Sister)!!!
Sister: Yeah Natalie?
Me: *whispers* Your brother thinks one of our friend is hot.
Sister: Seriously? Who?
Me: He thinks R***** (aka Cute) is hot.
Sister: OMGosh! Are you serious?!?!?!
Me: Yeah, he just told me that after I hugged her!
*Both start laughing*

*3 weeks later aka yesterday*
I'm standing outside the band room and Brother, Sister, Cute, and another friend are all there.
Let's call another friend Saxie. So Saxie is also grade 8.
I'm standing with Saxie and Brother. Sister is with her group of friends again and Cute is near us.

Me: Hey K****(aka Brother)!
Brother: Yeah?
Me: I still remember what you told me 3 weeks ago!
Brother: And what would that be?
Me: *whispers* You think she's cute and hot! *eyes Cute*
Brother: You better not tell anyone!
Me: What about S****(aka Saxie)?
Brother: You better not tell anyone!

I turn to Saxie and tell her. We both start laughing so loudly and she nearly fell!

Brother: I thought I said not to tell anyone!
Me: Well, I really needed to tell someone! And she's the one I can trust most!
Brother: Fine...but under no circumstances are you to tell her *eyes Cute*
Me: Fine...
Cute: Natalie what are you talking about? What secret is it? Tell me!
Me: Sorry! I promised not to tell anyone anymore...
Cute: Aww...tell me...
Me: Sorry R*****(aka Cute). I really can't.
Cute: Aww...ok...

*Next day aka today*
After school, I had to go for a project at Cauliflower's house! I found out that I had 3 missed calls. I though they were from my mom but no...it was all from Cute. Then she sent me a text and said
"Call me ASAP please! I really need to talk."
So I was thinking 'Does she already know?'
So I called her, which was just...

So we were talking and talking for 20 minutes. She was telling me that she already knew even before the Whistler trip. She kept saying that she's been acting dumb in front of us and she was really really really sorry. Then she said that she told Sister this morning in Religion class (and of course, thanks to me, Sister already knew) that she knows what Brother thinks of her. Then Sister asked if she liked him back. Cute was not sure so she asked Sister to tell Brother that she has known for quite a while from a grade 9 friend and that she need's to sort her feelings out first. Now she's really scared that he'll take it the wrong way. Like a 'I find you too freaky for me' or the 'I'm sorry but I've got somebody in mind' kind of thing. So I told her one sentence. When in doubt, pray for help.

I think I'll not post about Whistler. I'm a little too tired today. Sorry! Maybe some other time!

Back from Whistler

2008-05-04T21:04:00.002-07:00

I'm really tired right now. Came back from Whistler this afternoon and had dance practice after. Reached school at 3.45pm. Came home. Ate lunch. Went for dance practice at 5.15pm. Left church at 7.15pm. Reached home. At dinner at 7.45pm. Came up. Read fan fiction. Going to pack my bag. Sleeping after that. I'll talk abt the trip tomorrow or something. Got to catch up with the work first.

on request...

2008-04-21T19:56:00.004-07:00

On the request of my bestie, here are some pictures of me...not that recent though...but still recent enough...

ok so this was a recent video i had to take for my english project...i made this movie on my own for my group xD

Bible quote!

2008-04-17T16:28:00.002-07:00

Time for Bible quotes!

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through me."

This kept reminding me of the song 'One Way' by Hillsong. I realised that during all three retreats that I've been to, this was the common song among them. I know that I cried at the last retreat just because of this song...reminded me of the great retreat I had with the CC1 class before I left last year. Oh well, I still miss everyone. Truthfully, I still cry when I think of my friends back home.

Yesterday at PREP, we were talking about youth and going into highschool. Then Christina knew I was already in highschool and asked me to share what youth means to me. I then said that youth to me means building on friendships. I told them of how I had a very lonely first week of school when I absoulutely knew no one at school. I only knew their names but I didn't even know how the were.

We all have made friends from a very young age but they keep changing. Sometimes to the point where you act like you've never met. It's happened to me. I told them how I had to leave my friends behind when I was actually just really building on our friendships after so many years and how hard it is for me to leave. It's like, you are at a stage where everyone starts to change and you finally figure out who your true friends are.Then you are made to move to a totally different and foreign country where you don't know anyone at all and start over. It's a really hard transition. It's always the worst when you are finally getting to know your true friends and then you're asked to move away and make new friends. Then you have to go through the same process in a shorter period of time which actually doesn't help at all.

Yeah, so that was yesterday's class. Well, I need to finish my projects. I've got 5 projects. Ciao!

Prayers needed...

2008-04-12T16:24:00.003-07:00

Hey, this is just a short note of asking for prayers. I'm just asking for you guys to keep my grandmothers in your prayers please. Both are not very well. Oh, and my cousin and his family too. I'm not going to state the reasons but please just keep my family in your prayers. It's not a great year for us. Thanks for all who were already keeping my grandma in your prayers. It's hard to have both grandmothers in hospital. I really don't feel like talking about it though. Just keep them in your prayers please. I really hope all goes well.

I feel I've changed...

2008-04-08T22:22:00.003-07:00

Hey y'all! I got confirmed on Sunday, 6th April at St. Matthew's R.C. Parish. It was really nice. I really feel like I've changed after Confirmation. Like, it wasn't on the day itself but like it slowly started after the retreat last month. It's like I've been slowly changing without anyone noticing at all, including myself. I realised that I've been trying to stop myself from swearing and cursing especially since yesterday. Ok, so this was the procedure of Confirmation:

Archbishop Raymond Roussin: Francis of Assisi, be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Anointing with oil on forehead)
Me: Amen!
Archbishop Raymond Roussin: Peace be with you. (Shakes hands)
Me: And also with you.

So I was officially confirmed since then. Oh, and I found two other people who chose Francis of Assisi as their patron saint and one person who chose Claire of Assisi. All of them are in my group of friends. So now no one knows my full name anymore...I'm still pondering about telling anyone. Although I have to admit that it was not my best day at all. No offense but my dad just had to ruin my mood.

I was so tired and my ankles and feet were hurting from my heels and I was standing for quite a while. So then I wanted to either sit with my friends at the reception or go home but no, I had to take a picture. I never like taking photos with people from other generations especially if they are my parents. I kept saying that I really didn't want to wear the red gown for the picture, in fact, I kept saying I didn't want my picture taken.

Well, that was apparently useless. I was nearly forced to wear my gown and I was on the verge of crying. My eyes were practically tearing and I wanted to shout at my dad. Well, I escaped from wearing the gown but I was still made to take a picture. It was really so hard for me to smile. I don't know why but I kept thinking that my dad was just here for three weeks to torture me and not to be here for my confirmation.

Let me tell you what he's made me do during the three weeks he's been here:
1. Tuition almost every single night even when I'm super tired and can't think.
2. I don't even get to rest on Friday after school. I MUST do my homework before Saturday.
3. Tuition even when we were on "holiday".
4. Forced to have my picture taken when I looked like a freak.
5. Not given my freedom to choose if I want to go out.
6. I have homework but no, I must go to White Rock just for dinner and get a scolding after.
7. The list goes on so I'm not continuing...

Here are just six of easily ten reasons why I am so close to hating my dad.

Well, I really want to know if I've really changed for the better. Or if I've not changed. Or maybe even if I've changed for the worse. I really don't know if I've really changed or not. Well, I'm going to continue working on my project. Ciao!

Closer to hating than disliking...

2008-04-04T20:31:00.004-07:00

I really dislike my dad that it's just a little less than hating him. He asked me what I want to do when I get to university. I'm like 'I'm 13! How am I suppose to know? I don't even know the different courses there are in university.'

Then when I immediately came back after school, I was super tired cause all four of my classes today had projects to start. I told myself to rest today and start tomorrow night after the 'family outing' before confirmation on Sunday.

Then my dad came in and asked me why I was not doing my work and I tried explaining it to him. He kept saying that I don't do my work and I am always so lazy. He doesn't even care that it's the start of the weekend and I just had a super tiring day today. I gave up trying to explain and just said that I just took a break from working on my English project, which was actually true. I was looking up the summary of the TV shows for the powerpoint slides.

I admit that I can be quite lazy but at least give me a break! I mean, come on! I just had a test yesterday and today. I had to start four projects this morning too and I had to bring my laptop to school just for the English project. The worse part was that I barely rested for 30mins before he made me do my work. I'm like 'What the heck!'

I've always complained daily to my mom ever since he came here. She tries explaining for me but he won't listen either. My mom talked to me and said that she knows that I'm too young to know what I want to do and she tells me that I should just tell him that I've had a tiring day and stuff like that.

Well, confirmation rehearsal tomorrow. Confirmation on Sunday. I've got to go for tuition now. Bye!

Secret!!!

2008-04-02T21:43:00.003-07:00

Hey! I found out that Kathryn watches Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi a.k.a. Secret!!! And Kev's figuring out the notes for us! Woohoo! I'm most prob getting the score for real now! Yeah! Ok, I've got to go sleep. Bye!

BOWLING!

2008-03-30T22:35:00.004-07:00

Hey! So glad I came back from Sunshine Coast yesterday! I went bowling with Dre, Vids, Tin, Em, Nesan, Matt, Camille, Aryton, Azaria, Alex, Isabelle at Xcalibur Bowling Alley! My day was so great!

Ok, so I went for 10.30 mass to help at the Children Liturgy. After mass, I met up with Dre and Vib so they could bring me to the alley. I went to their house for a quick small lunch. I love their house! It's so small and cosy! Ok yeah. Then after that, I left with Dre to go book the lanes first. It was cosmic bowling so all white things would glow in the dark. I forgot and I was wearing a totally white jacket and was glowing all the while. I was quite good at bowling and the last time I bowled was more than 5 years ago. It was girls vs boys and we beat them for both games that we played.

We ended 30 mins late so Dre asked Vib to take me back because she had to go for Music Ministry practice at church with Camille and Tin. I kept telling her that she could just take me to church and let me walk home but she kept asking Vids to take me back. So we passed T&T and Vids asked if I knew the way back but I honestly forgot. So I told Vib to take me back to his place for me to walk home and he was like 'No!' So I asked him to bring me to the Tim Hortons near the Shell and Chevron at Fraser. So he took me there and I guided him home. Somehow, Dre never allows me to walk home from church alone.

Then when I got back home, I was called for a game of mahjong with my aunt, uncle, and cousin. Oh just to mention, it's my aunt's birthday. Ok, so we were playing and I won the first round. Then for the next few rounds was either my uncle or cousin. My aunt only won 3 or 4 rounds for the whole game. She was bankrupt when I won the dui dui wu. She couldn't pay me enough. It was so hilarious. It was her birthday and she lost really badly. Then we stopped at 7pm to get dressed.

Went for dinner at Elizabeth's Chalet in Cloverdale. Finally had my escargo and raw oysters! Super nice! My mom says I eat weird food like fish head, fish eye, chicken feet, escargo, oyster, cockles, muscles, etc. which is totally true. I picked up eating fish parts from my yeye and cousins' previous maid. I also learnt to eat chicken feet from yeye. The snail and oyster was when we were at some restaraunt near far east plaza. Really old building. The cockles and muscles was at Grace's 12th birthday party with the barbeque. Dinner was really filling for me. I had steak too. Well, I've got to go sleep now.

She knows!

2008-03-24T22:29:00.004-07:00

OMGosh! I can't believe Reyes actually knows who Wu Zun is! And she actualy likes him! OMGosh! I never knew that she'll know him. She's from Philipines and he's from...Taiwan/Brunei. I thought only Phoebe and me knew of him here. I'm surprised! Well, I've been told that Phoebe is actually moving from HC to LFA next year! No! I need you Phoebe! You're the ONE AND ONLY person I can speak chinese to! You can't leave me! I'll be stuck with Kenny and his cantonese...I want mandarin...oh wells. Hope it's just a rumour of some sort...I'll be going to sunshine coast on thursday! YEAH! Cya guys soon (I hope)!

sry!

2008-03-19T22:05:00.003-07:00

ok i know i promised to update but i've got a test on the last day of school aka tomorrow. so imma continue studyin'. i'll most prob tell tomorrow after school ends. SPRING BREAKS HERE! well, almost...night! tell you abt camp 2moro!

dead blog alert

2008-03-18T22:12:00.004-07:00

Sorry all! I've been super super lazy to update my blog and reply to emails =D Well, I had my retreat on March 8-9 @ Loon Lake. It was so fun!

Ok, so Dre (Andrea) was my group leader and Mrs. Jones (Anna's mom) was my cabin leader. Ok, so on Saturday, we were actually late because the stupid ferry was so slow. Well, when we got there, we met in the gym and said the opening prayer and had a little praise and worship session. Soon after we had lunch. We still didn't know where our cabins were yet. Yeah, then I had some noodles for lunch. It was a little cold but I didn't mind my food being cold.

After lunch, we went hunting around for our cabin and found out that it was just next to the gym! So much for climbing up and down. Then we had a little freetime and I had to do my English project that was due on Monday. So great...yeah.

Then skipping ahead. I'll just summarise. We had a few skits that were telling us of the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit. Yeah and we had a talent show too. Camille sang and although she's small size, she sings way louder than me! It was so amazing. Well, the talent show was just for the fun. No winners or losers. Yeah and many people were asking for a dance and that's what we got. Well, Camille, Mary Jane, Alexa, Melissa, Miranda, and I were just standing at the side talking. Alexa was telling us her story of how cats came to earth. It was hilarious. Well, then had supper and slept.

*Time change. Lose 1 hour of sleep children!*

Ok so DLS is started and we lost an hour of sleep. Then summary of the second day. Had praise and worship, we read our letters from our sponsors and JCRU played some music, some people including me cried.

Oh! I've got to tell you this weird thing. ok...i was sitting there reading my letter and crying. I was thinking *I really need a hug right now. I feel so lonely.* out of nowhere, catherine bunagan (my group leader in class) came and gave me a nice big hug! so did aryton and dre. They're such nice people. It was like they read my mind and gave me a hug! Oh, the more freaky part was what catherine said to me: "remember you're not alone kay? JCRU members are always there for you. just tell us what's wrong and we'll try and help." i felt that God put me in the retreat for a really good reason: to realise that i have more people caring for me than i think. i was like OMGosh! she read my mind! yeah and i realised that i really do have JCRU. i'm new but like everyone knows everyone and we're like family to each other. i really mean that. we just hug each other everytime we meet on sunday or on outings.

after that had praise and worship. then had the "Our Father" skit where tin was saying the Lord's prayer and God responded and she was only saying the prayer and not 'praying'...well, i'll tell more tomorrow. night!

titleless

2008-03-03T20:00:00.003-08:00

Hey! I went ice skating with dre, marianne, cathrine, chantel, nikki, camille, alex, azaria, jina, and isabelle. We're all in J-CRU except for camille. She's in my PREP class.

We went to the fleetwood leisure centre along fraser and we planned on going to ensomnia for bubbletea after. But then dre thought of going to tim horton's since it was just across the leisure centre but no, isabelle and jina just wanted bubbletea so we ended up going to ensomnia. ok, so only dre drove and she could only take 4 ppl with her. So camille, isabelle, and jina went first cos they were the youngest and chantel accompanied them to stay with them while dre came back for us. ok then dre met us along the way cos we all started walking. Then there was 6 of us so 2 of us had to walk. Ok, so i walked with nikki while the rest went with dre. So then i started talking to nikki though i really didn't know her except for her name and how she looks. I found out alot about her and she found out alot about me too. It was a really nice walk. Well, when we were just close to a block away from ensomnia, dre reached us so we got in the car for a block. Yeah, and quite a few of them were playing DDRExtreme. I don't play DDR so yeah. Well, we shared 5 baskets of fries among 12 ppl. Well, that wasn't too bad. Then I had my first cup of bubbletea in years! It was nice to have my mocha ice blended here. Yeah, then renae came to ensomnia coincidentally. Yeah, that was Sunday for me.

Oh well, today was really tiring for no reason at all. Oh, and I celebrated my early day coming this friday too early. We had to miss half of lunch for band AGAIN and I was suppose to go for mass choir which means that my whole lunch will be gone without eating. No way. So i never went for choir. Well, when they said that everyone was to leave at 11.30am on friday because of the entrance exams, the 'everyone' excluded the band 8 class and teachers. ZOMG! i'm so pissed! Like, the people who NEED to freaking practice don't even care. The rest do. Band was horrid today. Only 2 people ended 'Genesis' on time. Sarah and myself. Ok so we were practicing for festival and he didn't stop us. Ok, fine. 'Los Matodores' was horrid too! I was the ONLY freaking person who ended WITH MY CONDUCTOR. I was like 'WTH'. Ok, then 'Secrets of McDougal's Cave'. That was worse. Sarah and I were trying to get the bass clarinets back to the correct rhythm of bar 43 (band ppl will know) but the just really couldn't hear us. I really doubt they heard us. It's IMPOSSIBLE (not almost) to hear the bass instruments because the freaking percussion people don't understand simple english. They were supposed to play freaking double piano (soft) and not freaking triple forte (really loud). For those that don't do music, let me just put it in simpler words. Compare a room with soft-spoken people to a room with out-spoken people. That's the difference. Well, so my half-day is gone and I have to pack my camp bag before Friday and not on Friday anymore.

Oh, just to let all of you know, I'll be going for my confirmation camp from Saturday to Sunday. It's really short but yeah. Sort of looking forward to it. Well, I'm really tired so I'm going to have an early night. Night all! Miss ya!

Can-SG Teen

Reflection again...on my weird dream?!

Don't think, just write (type). A way of reflection I learnt from Lester.

Hmm...

Tired =(

Hmm...

-.-

Just a quick one...

Just thinking...

Wow...

Holiday, holiday, holiday.

Picnic!

Snapped...

DINNER!

Heehee

Wonderful Realisation.

Messed up

ARGH!!! IDIOT!!!!

It's not working!

Back

Last day!

TODAY!!!

Lalala...

Sleepy...

Wow...

If I'm not careful...

This is crap.

Damn it!

After 2 years...

I can't believe...

I got my hopes up, and I hope they won't fall again.

SLEEPING!

I ended up not bored...

BORED!

Tired...

Lunch!

Spoilt brat.

Gotta go my own way

Farewell

I get my hopes up...

Thinking...

100th post!

I'm sorry.

I've just realised.

Results...

If you're a little slow...

Why?

Haven't posted for a long time...

I was amazed, but now I'm not.

My busy life.

You'll find some soon.

I'm sorry.

My really tiring weekend.

Very sian...

Band Trip '09 - Seattle

Thanks

给我力量

I'm back...

I don't feel like I belong.

Random *partially*

Please...

Why?

thinking...

zzz

七个小时。。。

多二十五个小时。。。

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

I want to SCREAM!!!

tagged...

我回来了！

自己的心情

4 days...

too soon...

a year? or two?

A dedication to my friends.

just thinking...

past few days...

Relaxed...

Sorry...

...

Random partially

dead blog alert

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